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Justify My Thugby Wahida Clark
I desperately wanted to scream, click my heels together and make myself disappear. I felt him. I could always feel his presence and I tried to tell Trina’s ass that he was coming.
“Girl, chill and let me get this dick,” she whined.
Well I listened to her and now look what the fuck chillin’ got me. When I saw Trae I wanted to shit on myself. Thanks to her I’m now in a standoff between my husband and my possible baby daddy. Things were about to go from bad to some CSI shit. If Kaylin wouldn’t have slammed the door and locked it I’m positive that Trae would have started blasting. I couldn’t prepare my mind to get into argument mode because my missing niece Aisha called. I was hoping that it was some kind of a sick joke, but deep down inside I knew it wasn’t. That was definitely Aisha calling her Auntie Tasha. She knew my cell number by heart because she used to always call to ask if she could come over to spend the night. I dialed the number back and somebody answered the phone and then immediately hung up. I called again but it went straight to voicemail.
That’s when I panicked, rushed to the door and snatched it open. Trae was pacing back and forth, looking like a pit bull, but I didn’t give a shit. I said, “Trae, I just got a call from Aisha. She wants me to come and get her. When I asked her where her mother was she said she thinks she’s dead.” He looked at me as if he didn’t know who I was.
“Trae, did you hear what I just said to you? Our neice Aisha was just on the phone. I called the number back and the first time someone answered and hung up. The last time it went straight to voicemail. Call from your phone to see if you can get through. Maybe Marvin will talk to you. Something isn’t right, Trae.” I held up my cell phone displaying the number that Aisha had just called me from. What I had just told him must have finally registered. He snatched the cell phone from me and came into the apartment. Before he could hit the redial button on the phone, he looked up at Kyron. Everybody got quiet and we all held our breath as Trae and Kyron stared each other down. They stood not even ten feet from one another. The tension between them was suffocating. The silence had grown loud and I exhaled a sigh of relief when Kaylin spoke.
“Kyron, let me holla at you in the back,” he said.
“Kay, not now,” Kyron snapped, never taking his eyes off of Trae.
Kaylin, just like me, knew exactly what was about to happen. Somebody was getting ready to die.
“Nigga, I said, let me talk to you in the back for a minute.” Kaylin gritted.
“Naw, baby boy. I ain’t tryna talk right now. I got a plane to catch. Kendrick, let’s bounce, son!” Kyron said, nixing his brother off.
Kendrick went and grabbed his belongings out of Trina’s bedroom and then walked over to Kyron. They both headed for the door. When they got close to Trae, Trae swung and hit Kyron in the face. I thought I heard Kyron’s jaw crack. Trae followed up with another punch but this time Kyron weaved out of the way. He countered with a few punches of his own and the next thing I knew, they were all over the apartment tearing shit up. Kay and Kendrick struggled to break the two of them apart. Since Trina was screaming at the top of her lungs about them fucking up her apartment, I didn’t hear my phone ringing. I happened to glance at the caller ID and I saw that same 859 number. It had to be Aisha again and thanks to these niggas fighting over pussy I missed her call. At that moment I was like, “Fuck both of them niggas,” and I lost it.
“Stop it! Stop it!” I screamed, “Kyron you get the fuck out!” I went over to him and pushed him towards the door. “Get out Kyron!” I then pushed him out the door and Trina got rid of Kendrick. My niece and sister are missing and y’all acting like bitches.” I then turned to Trae. “Trae, I need you to call Marvin and get me some answers.” By that time I was so mad I started crying. Thankfully the phone rang again and thank God it was Aisha.
Leave it to the Queen of Drama and my best friend since the seventh grade, Tasha Macklin, to wreak havoc on everyone’s lives, especially her own. I usually don’t mind her antics because, they keep me entertained and rarely does she do shit on a small scale. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my girl to death and it’s one thing when it’s her and Trae’s bullshit, but when it starts to spill over to me and my husband Kaylin, I’ll be damned if I’ll let her fuck up me and mines.
My circle is real small. It’s just me and my three girls, Tasha, Kyra and Jaz all from Jersey. Each of us ended up with hustlers, Kyra with Marvin and Jaz with Faheem. Kaylin and Trae, who are like brothers, are from New York. They wasn’t no block niggas either. They hustled hard, moved up the food chain, got money, and went legit. Me and Kaylin remained in New York while for the last few years Tasha and Trae have been living in California. I didn’t want Trae to drag her clean across the country, that’s where all this damn drama stemmed from. If they would have kept their asses in New York with me and Kaylin, they wouldn’t be ready for Divorce Court. From what I was able to piece together, Trae allegedly got caught cheating with some Asian bitch named Charli Li. When Tasha found out, being the Queen of Drama that she is, she went ballistic and obviously went for revenge. But this bitch didn’t go for subtle revenge. You know, sleep with another nigga and keep the shit to herself and move on with her life, type revenge. She didn’t just fuck with some random nigga, she kept it close to the family and hooked up with Kyron, Kaylin’s brother. Then to add insult to injury she gets pregnant. Drama.
I had no idea Tasha was going to sleep with Kyron. But you can’t convince Kaylin of that since he knows that Tasha and me have always been thick as thieves and we tell each other everything. Newsflash. The ho ain’t tell me shit and now my man is threatening divorce because he has it in his big ass head that I kept this from him. I’m like what … the … fuck? And then the next thing I know Trae leaves Cali and shows up at our home in New York to fill Kaylin in on their drama. Oh, the plot thickens. While he was here, he somehow found out that Kyron had just left for Cali and before I know it, him and Kaylin are off on the first thing smoking to catch up with Kyron and to do God knows what.
Shit was crazy. I still can’t believe it. Hearing from Trae about Kyron and Tasha creeping was one thing, but to actually catch them together was a beast of a different kind. It was like watching the Animal Kingdom on TV and knowing that the gazelle was not supposed to hang out with the lions.
I still asked myself, how did this shit happen right under my nose? And why didn’t I see it coming? Even though I asked the questions, deep down inside I already knew the answers.
I knew all about the problems Trae and Tasha were having. They were the same problems that many married couples go through. So when Tasha told me that she needed a little space and wanted to crash at my spot for a little while, I had no problem with that. Shit, after all, we are family. Having my brother Kyron, who had recently come home from Upstate, in my house as well, I never thought it would be a potential disaster waiting to happen.
Kyron knew that Tasha was taken. I told him that she was Trae’s wife the day we picked her up from the airport. It never crossed my mind that he would disrespect the game and not treat her as if she was off limits. And I damn sure didn’t expect Tasha to cross that line. I thought he’d be content with Mari, the lawyer chick he bagged while Upstate. We all know talked about how she did the last seven years of his bid with him. I never thought that he’d shit on Mari and Trae like that. All I know now is that I really don’t know my brother anymore. Years in the bing done put Kyron on some real grimy shit.
Kyron would always tell us to never shit where you eat and family first. If somebody would’ve asked me about a month ago, what were the odds of Tasha and Kyron fucking, I would have said a million to one. And I’m glad that no one ever asked and I never put money on those odds because I’d be a broke muthafucka right about now. I feel totally disrespected.
The whole situation is a bitch slap in the face to me. Why? Because it appears that I had a hand in it but I didn’t. But wait a minute. Now that I think about it, that shit may have been brewing at my record label’s anniversary party. Hell yeah. I had Kyron escort my artist Lil’ E to the event. I didn’t want to do it but I did. The first time she saw him she started drooling at the mouth, so I made it happen. Especially since she kept sweatin’ me about him. I told her she couldn’t handle Kyron, but she didn’t want to listen. Her snow white ass is no doubt a nigga lover.
I had the event at this major spot, Cipriani’s on 42nd street, New York. When we do it, we do it big. Just call me the black Donald Trump. Niggas ain’t used to doing things of this caliber. Shit, show me a man with money as long as mine and I’ll buy his out. Tonight was about making a statement and as soon as niggas stepped through the door, that statement was made.
I had my girls Tasha and Trina with me and since there had been so much drama going on, it was good to see Tasha smiling again. From time to time I had noticed Kyron checking Tasha out but I ain’t sweat it, plus Lil’ E wasn’t letting that nigga out her sight.
Fuck all the bullshit, let me tell y’all how it really went down. My brother wanted me to escort his artist Lil’ E to the label’s anniversary party. He told me that she wanted to meet me. I was like, meet me? A white bitch of her caliber can only suck my dick. Her money wasn’t long enough for me. So I wasn’t trying to hear that shit, I was too busy chasing behind Shorty. So when Kendrick told me that Shorty and her sister would be at the party, I said, “Bet I can kill two birds with one stone,” especially since me and Shorty had to sneak around anyways. So fuck it, I got dressed and went and picked up Lil’ E.
I pulled up to her condo around nine and had to admit that she was official for a white chick. She had ass, hips and lips. The ass and hips she had squeezed into some little black dress and her tiny pedicured toes were sitting in a pair of fuck-me stilettos. I was feelin’ her outfit. We smoked a blunt and made no conversation as we rode in back of the limo to the spot.
We pulled up on 42nd and I was like damn, “Lil’ Bro doin’ it up.” When I stepped inside the Italian Renaissance my thoughts immediately drifted to the dons. I had some work to do for them that I needed to get ready within the next couple of days.
Lil’ E squeezed my hand, bringing me back to the here and now. I scanned the room and saw that everybody who was anybody was up in here. When I finally spotted my brother he was standing on the red carpet and surrounded by flashing lights and the press. He had on a white Saratoria Domenico Caraceni white suit with a Cuban cigar dangling from his mouth. The media was eatin’ that shit up. And here this nigga made everyone else wear black and he had on white.
“Hey brother in law,” Angel said as she came over and gave me a hug. “Look at you Miss Lily. Girl, you better watch him.”
“Oh I plan to.” Lil’ E responded and then I watched as the two of them exchanged some phony air kisses and E went to the bathroom.
“You must going to be lookin’ up.”
“Yeah, I’ma be lookin’ up and using no hands.”
“Well damn. It’s like that?” Angel interrupted.
“Girl, let me go to the ladies room before I get myself in trouble.”
I laughed and as soon as she stepped off I said to Angel, “You lookin’ good tonight. Does my brother know how lucky he was that he saw you first?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know what it means.”
“No, I don’t. Why don’t you explain yourself?”
I was getting ready to but then I saw her. Tasha came through the door, looking good enough to eat, hanging on the arm of some nigga. When I saw some of the press move towards them it dawned on me that dude was one of the artists on Kaylin’s label.
“Damn, my brother pimpin’ everybody out tonight. What’s up with that?”
“Kaylin pimps everybody out every night and every day,” Angel said. “He’s not going to be satisfied until he owns New York. I just hope that he doesn’t kill himself in the process. The nigga is going crazy with it.”
“Damn it’s like that?”
“I’m his attorney and his wife. Trust me when I say, yes, it is like that.”
Just then my brother motioned for his wife to come over to where he was.
“Excuse me Kaylin, God is calling me,” Angel said and walked off.
Shorty had my undivided attention. She was wearing the shit out of this long black Tom Ford dress that I bought her. Her abs, arms and back were out. Her breasts were damn near exposed. Son had his hand resting on her ass as they posed for the camera. My dick tried to get hard as I fantasized about me sucking on her nipples until she came and then yanking the dress up over that phat ass and hittin’ it doggy style … raw dog.
Lil’ E eased up next to me and slid her hand into mine. “That’s Explozive,” she told me, apparently she thought I was looking at the rap nigga, but she had me fucked up. I was looking at Shorty and was wondering why Kay sent her with this fuckin’ clown. I shrugged it off because E was pulling me towards the ballroom. When we stepped into the VIP area all I could say was, “Damn, I need to be robbin’ all of these niggas up in here.”
I recognized DJ Khalid’s voice before I saw him. Niggas were on the dance floor and they had waiters passing out drinks. My brother had officially brought the hood to the burbs. Lil’ E grabbed us both a drink and we went to our table and sat down. I took a sip and immediately started looking around for Tasha. I swear I couldn’t get her off of my mind, even with E’s hand resting on my thigh.
I leaned over to whisper in Lil’ Mama’s ear and my brother came walking over and was trailed by two bodyguards. He grabbed a seat next to me and his security guards stood behind us. He began to fill me in on tonight’s agenda and then that’s when Shorty and that rapper muthafucka came walking towards the table. He was all over Shorty as if he owned her.
Explozive came over to Kaylin and started running his mouth, but like me, my brother didn’t hear shit. All we saw was this niggas hands all over Tasha.
“Muthafucka, you must be tired of livin’,” Kaylin gritted.
“What? What I do?” Explozive slurred.
“I told you who you had on your arm and I told you how to act.”
“C’mon boss man. I’m just a squirrel trying to bust a nut.” Explosive smiled through a platinum grill as he held Tasha even tighter, obviously forgetting all about the instructions. “That’s what escorts are for, right?” Explozive was drunk as shit.
“Tasha, come over her and sit next to Kyron,” Kaylin ordered.
As she tried to walk away, Explozive grabbed her around the waist.
“Tone, get this nigga,” my brother said as if he was reading my mind.
His bodyguard grabbed drunken-ass Explozive and put him in a chokehold. We watched as a stunned Explozive looked over at our table and started pleading his case.
“C’mon, Boss man. I thought we was here to have a good time?”
“Nigga, I told you that she was family and that she was only eye candy for tonight. You said you understood. But obviously you didn’t. Either that or you just didn’t give a fuck. So I’ll see you when I see you.”
I couldn’t see the look on Tasha’s face and I couldn’t help but smile. It was saying, “Damn, Kaylin it was only an ass rub! You just fucked up my paper. That nigga had my purse a couple of Gs richer. I was planning on rapping his pockets and sending him home with a hard dick and a wet dream. Then to add injury to insult you going to sit me down like a child next to the nigga who has been giving me fever and this little white girl that apparently was planning on having him in her mouth before the night was over.”
She shot us a few daggers as she plopped down in the seat next to me. But lady luck was in the muthafuckin’ house. Kay sent Lil’ E to sign some autographs and then when Slim and Baby of Cash Money came over he got up and they walked away.
“What’s so funny?” Tasha asked me with a slight attitude. “And why is Kaylin trippin’? I’m grown.”
I wasted no time moving closer to her, not caring about my brother or anyone else. “You wear my money well,” I said referring to her dress that was showing off her beautiful legs. I couldn’t help but think if I had my way, right now I would be bending her over one of these chairs and she would be yelling out my name.
I sat there looking at Shorty. “Damn, you look good enough to eat,” I told her as I continued to take her all in.
“You look good … enough,” she teased.
I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me, “Let’s get out of here.”
“And go where? I thought you are here to assist your brother. As a matter of fact, why aren’t you entertaining your little snow bunny?”
“Because I would rather entertain you.”
“Whatever. You don’t want to entertain me because you too scared of your little brother.”
I chuckled, “Shorty, you be talking a lot of shit.”
“And I can do that. Why? Because I can back up every word.”
“Well, I got something for you to back up into.”
Tasha looked at me and smiled. I could see her cheeks getting a little flush. I was getting ready to make my next move when Lil’ E emerged from signing autographs. “You ready Kyron? I have something I want to show you.”
I looked up at lil’ Mama, then back at Shorty, and for the first time a brotha was stuck. I was grateful for Angel, who came rushing over to where we were.
“Tasha, come here Kaylin wants you to be in these pictures. We gonna be on the cover of Black Enterprise.”
As she pulled Tasha to her feet she looked back at me and said, “I hope you save some.” I looked at Angel to see if she had heard what Shorty had just said. Shorty had just raised the stakes to our dangerous game. Angel didn’t appear to have heard her because she yanked Tasha away from me.
“Save some of what?” Lil’ E asked playfully.
I stood up and took lil’ Mama by the hand, “Don’t even worry about it. Come show me that no hands thing.” Sheeit chasing Shorty had me all worked up. I was now good and ready to get a nut off my back.
She looked at me with a big ass Kool-Aid smile and said, “Follow me. I found the perfect spot.”
When I emerged from a small room in the back I could see the party was getting livelier by the minute. I looked down at lil’ Mama who was apparently disappointed that she couldn’t get me to slide up in that, but shit I can only give a bitch of her caliber what she asks for and nothing more. My philosophy is, when a bitch tells you she wants to suck your dick you let her, and then you make her pay for the rest. Plus, the only pussy I was trying to slide up into was Shorty’s.
I scanned the room and saw that a small line of cats wanting to holla at my brother was beginning to form, then I found Tasha talking to Angel at the bar. I quickly dismissed lil’ Mama and headed over to where they were. Fate had to be on my side because just as I approached them, one of the staff members came over to Angel and needed her assistance giving me another opportunity to snatch up Shorty.
I slid up behind her, positioning myself up against her soft ass and whispered in her ear, “I saved the best part for you.”
She quickly turned around and we were face-to-face and I wasn’t backing down. “What are you doing?” She tried to look around me to see if anybody was watching us.
“What? You scared of my little brother?” I said with a smirk on my face.
“No … like I said, ‘I’m a grown ass woman.’ I can do whatever and whoever I want.” She answered me as she looked me up and down. “I was just making sure your little girlfriend didn’t catch you all up in my face. I don’t want to have to fuck her up.”
“Aiight then, since you so grown, you can leave with me right now.”
“And go where?”
“Don’t worry about it.” On instinct my hand went to her nipple. And since lil’ Mama had just taken care of the foreplay, I was ready for the main course.
“Nigga, we ain’t fuckin’, I already told you that.”
“You said we can play. I’m ready to play.” She gently grabbed my hand to move it from her nipple. I held on to it and took it down to my dick. When she squeezed it I knew I had her.
“You ain’t ready to play,” she told me as her fingers glided across the head. “I’m disappointed, you ain’t even hard.”
“Look in the dictionary under play and my picture is right there. I just need you to fill in the definition on what you consider as play.”
She smiled and squeezed my dick again. “I already told you my definition. A nigga who eats and swallows everything on the menu. That’s it, that’s all. No strings attached.”
“And I already told you. I can handle that. The dick ain’t got to be hard to eat and swallow.”
“It’s the principle, Kyron, you not being rock hard tells me that I ain’t doing my job.”
“Trust me. You doin’ your job. A nigga just has a little more control than what you used to.”
She smiled at me. “Let’s go then.”
Me and Shorty headed for the nearest exit.
I remember wondering why both of them niggas were ghost for the rest of the evening. Now I know.
And even though Trae never said it, I know that in the back of his mind he thinks that I know. But what’s in the back of mine is my wife had to know about this shit. She and Tasha go back to Reeboks, shit they like Oprah and Gail. Ain’t no way in hell Angel didn’t know anything.
When Trae came to my house and told me what was going on it was like a hand grenade being tossed in my lap. When he told me that Tasha was pregnant and didn’t know if the baby was his or Kyron’s … BOOM! … that grenade exploded in my face.
Brother or no brother, hands down, Kyron was in violation. And I planned to tell him that as soon as I saw him. I wanted answers and Trae needed answers.
So, he ended up talking me into flying to California with him to confirm everything that he had just told me. And when I walked into Trina’s apartment and Kyron came walking out of the bathroom, I knew right then that it was all true. I also knew that shit was about to go from bad to worse in zero to 60 seconds flat.
Glancing over my shoulder, I saw that Trae was still standing in the doorway. The look on his face was one that I had seen many times. It was the look that signaled he was ready to kill.
When I was Upstate on lock, I read a book by some D.C. cat called The Ultimate Sacrifice. In the book, the main character went home from prison and fucked his man’s woman. I remember thinking to myself that son was crazy foul for crossing the line like that. I also can remember an old timer telling me that sometimes art imitated life. I knew that, but it had nothing to do with me. I wasn’t imitating shit, as far as I was concerned I’m always gonna do me and be me. But then I became like the main character of that novel and I crossed those same lines. But fuck it, I’ma thug and thugs ain’t gotta justify themselves to no one.
From the moment I saw Shorty at the airport, I knew I had to have her. I knew Tasha was Trae’s wife, Kay told me that the moment he saw the spark in my eye…
“That’s Trae’s wife, nigga.”
“Kaylin, all I said was shorty is fine.”
“You heard what I said,” my brother warned me.
And he was right. I did hear what he said, but after doing all those years Up Top, my urges wasn’t tryna hear that shit. At first, I was able to control myself around her, but once I talked myself up on that first kiss, it was on. I decided right then and there that I wanted Shorty and I wasn’t taking no for an answer. My inner voice said, “You foul for this.” But my outer voice said, “Fall back son, I got this.” Shorty said that she and Trae was getting a divorce, so she’s fair game.”
Tasha is such a bad bitch, that in a few days she made me forget Mari doing the last of my bid with me. I knew that eventually I’d have to deal with Trae and my brother, and that almost changed my mind about the moves I was making. But I was so caught up in the moment that I went bare back and once I got that gushy, that shit went out the door. Her pussy was so warm and tight that I came so hard that day I swear I heard fireworks going off inside my head. It was some shit that ain’t never happen to a nigga before.
When I heard that Tasha was supposed to be pregnant, there was no doubt in my mind that she was carrying my seed. I wanted to see her and talk with her. A nigga needed to find out where her head was at. So me and my cousin Kendrick shot out to Cali.
I came prepared, pregnancy test in hand. Shorty was scared to take it but I made it known that she didn’t have any choice in the matter. When she went into the bathroom, I can’t front, those few minutes felt like hours. When she came out stone faced I knew what it was. So I went into the bathroom and confirmed what I already knew, that it was positive. I came out ready to celebrate, looked up and my brother Kay was walking into the apartment and Trae was standing in the doorway. I knew what they were there for, but I wasn’t trying to hear that shit. The positive test was me and Shorty’s moment. I wasn’t being denied that for nobody. To keep it 100, I knew I should have left when Tasha had asked me to leave. Hell, she begged me to leave. But Shorty and her pussy is like a drug. I had to get high. So now I was busted, but fuck it. Me being in Cali already told whoever was paying attention that I didn’t give a fuck. I had made up my mind and stuck to my guns, so the next move was Trae’s.
So many years in the drug game and killing field had taught me to always trust my gut instincts. So when I heard that Kyron’s bitch ass was out of town, my instincts told me that he was on his way to the west coast to see my wife. And like always they were right.
“Yo, Trae, you buggin’, son,” Kay said when I told him what my gut was telling me.
“Bullshit,” I replied. When he saw that look I get when I’m ready to body something it took no further convincing and we were on the plane to Cali.
Everybody, including my own mama, knows that Mama Santos is like a second mother to me. We family and when she heard what her bitch ass son did she began praying in Spanish for her son’s safety. I love her to death, and for her I am going to give this nigga a pass. If he was anybody else she would be picking out a tombstone and a suit. I’m lying to myself; she may still have to depending on how this pussy nigga acts.
This punk came straight home and disrespected me. Him and everybody else know that I done killed niggas for lesser shit. That’s how I know he did the shit on purpose. I just have yet to figure out why. He knew that Tasha was my wife. Shit, all of New York knew it. The nigga still said fuck me. It’s obvious that he don’t really know how much weight I carry. My name alone put the fear of God in niggas. He knows better than anybody that I ain’t none of them fake ass gangstas he was locked up with. Again, so why? What did I do to this nigga?
Tasha was too blinded by my betrayal and hers to see that the nigga was just using her. While I can’t forgive her, I’ll be damned if I just step aside and let the next man have what’s mine. I don’t care who he is. It’s the principle of the thing.
From the doorway of Trina’s apartment, I saw Kyron coming out the bathroom holding a pregnancy test. My hand went immediately to the .45 Glock in the waist of my jeans.
Knowing me like he did, Kaylin turned around and barked, “Remember whose brother he is. Plus, you told me that you’d let me talk to him first.” He slammed the door to the apartment in my face and locked it.
I paced back and forth in the small hallway like an animal trapped in a cage. My temper was trying to get the best of me as I tried to decide who I was gonna body first and how I was gonna clean up the mess. Then all of a sudden I got mad at Tasha all over again. What the fuck was she thinking? Why does she always have to go to the extreme? Always trying to prove some shit to me. Look at the position she done put everybody in.
Raised voices inside the apartment broke my reverie. Tasha was saying something to Kyron. I wanted to bust the door down and let everybody know how I was feeling, but then I remembered that I had too much to lose by getting loud and emotional. After all, I’ma bad boy and bad boys move in silence with violence.
© 2011 Wahida Clark
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