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1 Beaverton Humor- Narrative

I Feel Bad about My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman (Vintage)

by

I Feel Bad about My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman (Vintage) Cover

 

 

Excerpt

What I Wish Id Known

People have only one way to be.

Buy, dont rent.

Never marry a man you wouldnt want to be divorced

from.

Dont cover a couch with anything that isnt more or

less beige.

Dont buy anything that is 100 percent wool even if it

seems to be very soft and not particularly itchy when

you try it on in the store.

You cant be friends with people who call after 11 p.m.

Block everyone on your instant mail.

The worlds greatest babysitter burns out after two and

a half years.

You never know.

The last four years of psychoanalysis are a waste of

money.

The plane is not going to crash.

Anything you think is wrong with your body at the age

of thirty-five you will be nostalgic for at the age of forty-

five.

At the age of fifty-five you will get a saggy roll just

above your waist even if you are painfully thin.

This saggy roll just above your waist will be especially

visible from the back and will force you to reevaluate

half the clothes in your closet, especially the white

shirts.

Write everything down.

Keep a journal.

Take more pictures.

The empty nest is underrated.

You can order more than one dessert.

You cant own too many black turtleneck sweaters.

If the shoe doesnt fit in the shoe store, its never going

to fit.

When your children are teenagers, its important to have

a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Back up your files.

Overinsure everything.

Whenever someone says the words “Our friendship is

more important than this,” watch out, because it almost

never is.

Theres no point in making piecrust from scratch.

The reason youre waking up in the middle of the night

is the second glass of wine.

The minute you decide to get divorced, go see a lawyer

and file the papers.

Overtip.

Never let them know.

If only one third of your clothes are mistakes, youre

ahead of the game.

If friends ask you to be their childs guardian in case

they die in a plane crash, you can say no.

There are no secrets.

From the Hardcover edition.

Product Details

ISBN:
9780307276827
Author:
Ephron, Nora
Publisher:
Vintage Books USA
Subject:
Aging
Subject:
Form - Essays
Subject:
Women's Studies - General
Subject:
Ephron, Nora
Subject:
Essays
Subject:
Humor-Anthologies
Copyright:
Edition Description:
Trade paper
Series:
Vintage
Publication Date:
20080431
Binding:
TRADE PAPER
Grade Level:
General/trade
Language:
English
Pages:
160
Dimensions:
8 x 5.16 x .5 in .3563 lb

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Related Subjects

Arts and Entertainment » Film and Television » Featured Titles
Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Anthologies
Arts and Entertainment » Humor » General
Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Narrative
Fiction and Poetry » Literature » A to Z
Health and Self-Help » Health and Medicine » Aging
History and Social Science » Gender Studies » General
History and Social Science » Gender Studies » Womens Studies

I Feel Bad about My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman (Vintage) Used Trade Paper
0 stars - 0 reviews
$6.50 In Stock
Product details 160 pages Vintage Books USA - English 9780307276827 Reviews:
"Review" by , “Nora Ephron, 65 years old in I Feel Bad About My Neck, pokes fun at her own eccentricities and finds herself writing about ‘lunch with my girlfriends — I got that far into the sentence and caught myself. I suppose I mean my women friends. We are no longer girls and have not been for forty years.’ But [I Feel Bad About My Neck is a] girlfriend book, and in the best way....Ephron, who is a great wit, has made a career out of women’s body anxieties. The magazine piece that made her famous in the 1970s, ‘A Few Words about Breasts,’ is a long kvetch about her flat chest... Now, though, Ephron kvetches about her wrinkled neck, the one part of a woman’s aging body that can’t be resurfaced. She and the ladies who lunch with her all wear scarves or turtlenecks to hide their ‘shame.’...Ephron [is] unfailingly clever and often pokes fun at our preoccupations while sharing them....I Feel Bad About My Neck has everything I want in an entertaining read: a breezy pace, wry musings, copious doses of gossip, humor, and new information....Ephron produces perfect vignettes....[When I finished I Feel Bad About My Neck, I] felt the ‘rapture’ that Ephron says you feel on completing a great book....[Books] have always been faithful pals, and [this one is] among the best....[Get] your friends of a certain age together, rent Silkwood (which I think is Ephron’s best film), read [her book] together, and argue and laugh and cry. That’s my prescription.”
"Review" by , “Delightful....[A] funny, sisterly collection....Where books written for seniors are apt to be full of unconvincing cheer, Ephron’s charming book of self-questioning, confession, and resolve faces the reality that she’s sixty-five, dyes her hair, and is not happy about her neck, her purse, her failure at ambitious exercise programs, and other personal failures shared by many of us....None of these confrontations with mortality is arcane, all are universal, and people of either sex can relate to them....Many readers of I Feel Bad About My Neck will be familiar already with Ephron the accomplished human being....She’s one of only a few American essayists with a public persona–one thinks of Will Rogers, or Calvin Trillin, maybe Benjamin Franklin, Steve Martin, and Woody Allen....[She has] a talent for incisive compression and accessibility confided in a sort of plainspoken Will Rogers manner....The hapless character Ephron has presented over the years may be the real Ephron, or not. The actual Ephron is praised by friends as smart, a perfect housekeeper, much prettier than the person she began depicting in Wallflower at the Orgy, her essays from the Seventies, a wonderful cook, etc., etc. It’s sound rhetorical strategy. Of all the ways to be funny, self-deprecation is more endearing than satire....All in all, this funny book offers the pleasures of recognition; in an anxious world, her epigrams have a serious, consoling utility.”
"Review" by , “Witty...sharp...readily accessible to all....[Ephron] is as funny as ever....What is so refreshing about Ephron is that she doesn’t take herself too seriously....[She has] a knack for finding the significant in the mundane, and for making readers feel like they’ve been welcomed into [her] inner circle of friends to share lipsticks and life’s licks. [Her] best lines probably get read aloud as often as ‘Goodnight Moon.’”
"Review" by , “Clever....[I Feel Bad About My Neck is] laced with wry observations, told in an intimate style that makes Ephron seem like a close friend spilling details about her life...[Ephron] has punctured many a bubble of conformity and made audiences laugh in recognition....[She] will keep you entertained.”
"Review" by , “Maybe Nora Ephron has become timeless....Certainly she writes, for all her funny commentary on modern life, like someone who has something useful and important to tell her readers....She’s figured something out that she wants to let you in on, and to make it palatable she’ll make you laugh.”
"Review" by , “[A] stylistic tour de force....Fireworks shoot out [of this collection]....The smaller blazes are bursts of wit that cast the familiar so sharply as to make it seem new....There are [also] passages where wit is used not to entertain but to lament...to take arms against life or death (where loss, however blithely sketched, is no joke at all)....The comic and rueful are still there, but they take on resonance.”
"Review" by , “[W]ry and amusing....[M]arvelous.”
"Review" by , “I belly laugh[ed] at this compilation of essays by Nora Ephron, a book that includes subjects every woman can identify with, regardless of her age....I [plan] to order multiple copies as gifts, knowing my girlfriends [will] get as much of a charge out of the book as I have.”
"Review" by , “This is a book about age and regret. Since it’s by Nora Ephron, it’s funny....This delightful collection of personal essays...[is written] by a truly smart woman [who] disarms...by mocking her own anguish in a style that veers between hey-girlfriend coziness and wit....Ephron has me in her pocket: I’m absolutely on her side and feel that she’s on mine, that we’re in this together....Sublime.”
"Review" by , “Wickedly funny...[Nora Ephron’s] candid, witty tales about life and love will put everything into perspective.”
"Review" by , “I Feel Bad About My Neck is...long-overdue....[T]hese essays...[are] executed with overall sharpness and panache....[Nora Ephron] retains an uncanny ability to sound like your best friend, whoever you are....Some things don’t change. It’s good to know that Ms. Ephron’s wry, knowing X-ray vision is one of them.”
"Review" by , “Ephron’s laugh-out-loud collection tells the truth about aging — it’s not fun — and ‘she does it with humor and satire and perspective,’ says [Roxanne Coady of R. J. Julia Booksellers in Madison, Conn.]. With blithe charm, Ephron exposes all the vain ploys that she — and we — would rather not admit we use to stave off another telltale wrinkle or gray hair. Read her book as an antidote to despair.”
"Review" by , "A disparate assortment of sharp and funny pieces revealing the private anguishes, quirks and passions of a woman on the brink of senior citizenhood. Ephron...explores the woes of aging with honesty — hair-coloring and Botox are standard treatments, as is getting a mustache wax — but maintaining a 60-plus body is only her starting point. Ephron includes breezy accounts of her culinary misadventures, her search for the perfect cabbage strudel and her dissatisfaction with women's purses. An essay on her love affair and eventual disenchantment with the Apthorp apartment building on Manhattan's West Side deftly captures both the changes in New York City and in her own life."
"Review" by , "[S]parkling....[T]his collection is...a thoughtful concession to pre- and post-menopausal women (who else is there?)...who 'can't read a word on the pill bottle,'follow a thought to a conclusion, or remember the thought after not being able to read the pill bottle....[R]efreshing...witty...delightful....While signs of mortality proliferate, Ephron offers a rebuttal of consequence: an intelligent, alert, entertaining perspective that does not take itself too seriously. (If you can't laugh, after all, you are already, technically speaking, dead.)"
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