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I Feel Bad about My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman (Vintage)by Nora Ephron
What I Wish Id Known
People have only one way to be.
Buy, dont rent.
Never marry a man you wouldnt want to be divorced
Dont cover a couch with anything that isnt more or
Dont buy anything that is 100 percent wool even if it
seems to be very soft and not particularly itchy when
you try it on in the store.
You cant be friends with people who call after 11 p.m.
Block everyone on your instant mail.
The worlds greatest babysitter burns out after two and
a half years.
You never know.
The last four years of psychoanalysis are a waste of
The plane is not going to crash.
Anything you think is wrong with your body at the age
of thirty-five you will be nostalgic for at the age of forty-
At the age of fifty-five you will get a saggy roll just
above your waist even if you are painfully thin.
This saggy roll just above your waist will be especially
visible from the back and will force you to reevaluate
half the clothes in your closet, especially the white
Write everything down.
Keep a journal.
Take more pictures.
The empty nest is underrated.
You can order more than one dessert.
You cant own too many black turtleneck sweaters.
If the shoe doesnt fit in the shoe store, its never going
When your children are teenagers, its important to have
a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
Back up your files.
Whenever someone says the words “Our friendship is
more important than this,” watch out, because it almost
Theres no point in making piecrust from scratch.
The reason youre waking up in the middle of the night
is the second glass of wine.
The minute you decide to get divorced, go see a lawyer
and file the papers.
Never let them know.
If only one third of your clothes are mistakes, youre
ahead of the game.
If friends ask you to be their childs guardian in case
they die in a plane crash, you can say no.
There are no secrets.
From the Hardcover edition.
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