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Nightlight: A Parody (Vintage)


Nightlight: A Parody (Vintage) Cover

ISBN13: 9780307476104
ISBN10: 0307476103
Condition: Standard
All Product Details




It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still, he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all?  Even odder, he hadn't noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner.

A computer sat before him on the table. He stared intently at the screen, narrowing his eyes into slits and concentrating those slits on the screen as if the only thing that mattered to him was physically dominating that screen. He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman's idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man. This was that man.

"What is that?" I asked, knowing that whatever it was it wasn't avian.

"That's Edwart Mullen," Lucy said.

Edwart. I had never met a boy named Edwart before. Actually, I had never met any human named Edwart before. It was a funny sounding name. Much funnier than Edward.

As we sat there, gazing at him for what seemed like hours but couldn't have been more than the entire lunch period, his eyes suddenly flicked toward me, slithering over my face and boring into my heart like fangs. Then in a flash they went back to glowering at that screen.

"He moved here two years ago from Alaska," she said.

So not only was he pale like me, but he was also an outsider from a state that begins with an "A." I felt a surge of empathy. I had never felt a connection like this before.

"That boy's not worth your time," she said wrongly. "Edwart doesn't date."

I smirked inwardly and snorted outwardly. So, I would be his first girlfriend.

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Average customer rating based on 3 comments:

Em Orzol, January 1, 2010 (view all comments by Em Orzol)
When my older sister saw this at Powell's, she immediately bought it for me. Being anti-Twilight, I absolutely loved it. My sister and I read it out-loud to each other in one day between fits of giggles and tumbling off of the bed from lack of constant air.

Belle Goose actually had thoughts, although some were quite insane and weird, but still hilarious. It was quite an improvement over Bella's character from Twilight since all she really thought about was Edward and the "wonderful" love they had.

Also I loved Edwart because he had many flaws while Edward doesn't seem to have any. Edwart's piano playing made me laugh for five minutes, and another five when Belle discovered his self-recordings lining his room.

The characters had a lot more depth than the original Twilight and I really looked forward to that. Belle grew from her experiences and Edwart tried to change his own faults for his love of Belle. It was really refreshing to finally see that people who have a strong dislike of Twilight write a book about it showing that people who can actually write can still get published. I would highly recommend this book to any anti and for anyone who is on the fence about Twilight. I loved this book.
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jamieedenfield94, November 24, 2009 (view all comments by jamieedenfield94)
wow. i wanna read this. it sounds hilarious. omg serioously .lolololol :P
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Tammy Dotts, November 4, 2009 (view all comments by Tammy Dotts)
It seems everyone on the planet has some level of familiarity with Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight. Devoted fans eagerly awaited the next installment of the lengthy books. When the last book in Meyer’s series appeared in August 2008, the books’ fans switched their anticipation to movies based on the books.

Thanks to a parody from The Harvard Lampoon, Twilight devotees now have something new to read, although Nightlight’s humor may be better appreciated by Twilight’s detractors.

Nightlight pulls no punches in its entertaining vivisection of Meyer’s mythos. Situations and characters from the source material are stretched, inflated and mutated to comic proportions. Twilight’s Bella Swan becomes Nightlight’s Bella Goose; the original’s quirky lack of coordination becomes the parody’s death-defying clumsiness. Edward Cullen, the vampire heartthrob, becomes Edwart Mullen, a “venture meteorologist with a bent for slowly accumulating money from .0001-cent web ads.”

Edwart is not a vampire. A fact Bella Swan doesn’t let stop her in her obsessive pursuit to date a vampire and have him turn into one of the undead. After all, Edwart doesn’t eat his baked potatoes, snowflakes magically melt when they touch his skin, and he is able to resist the charms Bella is sure she possesses. All well-known signs of the undead to Bella, who manages to twist every coincidence to fit her world view.

The Harvard Lampoon takes every possible shot it can at Meyer’s often clichéd writing and bizarre plot twists. Nightlight mimics Twilight’s style perfectly, down to its mockery of New Moon’s — the second in Meyer’s series — depiction of Bella’s months of depression.

True Twilight fans may bristle at Nightlight, but they’re also the ones who can appreciate it the most. Without a basic understanding of Meyer’s characters and plots, a Nightlight reader will most likely be lost. Those intimately familiar with Twilight will find much they recognize in Nightlight.

Hard-core parodies can be tough to get into, and the beginning of Nightlight tests its readers’ determination. Absurdities pile up quickly to the point of, well, absurdity. The writing style seems juvenile, but mirrors Meyer’s style perfectly. After the first few chapters, however, it becomes easier to settle in to Nightlight’s rhythms and appreciate the fun it pokes at Twilight and its legions of devoted fans.
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Product Details

Harvard Lampoon
Vintage Books USA
The Harvard Lampoon
Form - Parodies
Humorous Stories
HUMOR / Parodies
Edition Description:
Trade paper
Publication Date:
Grade Level:
8.00x5.54x.45 in. .36 lbs.

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Related Subjects

Arts and Entertainment » Humor » General
Arts and Entertainment » Humor » Parodies
Young Adult » General

Nightlight: A Parody (Vintage) Used Trade Paper
0 stars - 0 reviews
$1.75 In Stock
Product details 160 pages Vintage Books USA - English 9780307476104 Reviews:
"Synopsis" by , A parody of the enormously successful Twilight series, "Nightlight" offers a sparkling, sharp-toothed tale of pubescent vampires and the pasty girl who loves them.
"Synopsis" by , About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him-which I assumed was wildly out of his control-that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoons hilarious send-up of Twilight.

Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events-Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!-Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?

Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

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