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Original Essays | June 20, 2014

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It's a wild and thundery night. Inside a ramshackle old manor house, a beautiful young girl lies asleep in bed. At the window, a figure watches... Continue »

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1 Remote Warehouse Humor- General

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We're in this white limo purring through crowded Saturday-night streets. Like in Hollywood. Although it's not Hollywood. This great big fuck-off ridiculous stretch limo is in London's West End - although it's hardly the West and nowhere near the end. This limo is so stretched you can't understand why it doesn't sink in the middle and drag its belly on the ground. This limo is so long you think it can't turn those tight Soho corners without sweeping café society into the gutter.

But imagine this. Imagine it does have to stop at one of those corners. To avoid killing someone. And when it stops, there's this young man - looks like he might be from out of town, all fresh-faced. And he is drawn to one of the limo's open windows, leans down to the window, becomes involved in conversation with the limo occupants, leans into the window, further and further, until finally he is sucked through the window into the limo, head first. The last you see of him being his tattered red sneakers as they disappear from sight.

Because the thing is - you see - this limo does not contain one lonely pop-star riding along in state. This limo contains more girls than you could shake a stick at. Wall to wall feminine flesh, crammed in we are. Girl sardines. I'm in a great white tin of girl sardines. Or that's what it feels like.

And this witless piece of fresh-faced masculinity is wedged into the seat opposite me, squeezed between thighs. And all the girls in the limo - they want me to get off with him. That's what you do at your hen party.

Hen party.

Oh my God. Or, Oh! My! God!, as my sister Ven would say - she's twenty-one. Left to my own devices, I would never have had a hen party. "Honey," Della had said, "sweetheart, left to your own devices you would never be getting married. And now look." And now look. Well, quite.

Honey, by the way, is my name. Della is given to terms of endearment but not that given. Not two-in-one-sentence given.

So Della went ahead and arranged a surprise hen party. And, actually, I'm quite enjoying it. I mean, I never like the idea of just being girls together - like I never like the idea of a salad for lunch - but when it comes to it, it can be quite pleasant. At least they didn't hire a male stripper or truss me up and put me on a plane to Amsterdam. Del rented the stretch limo and invited everyone and we've been driving round London drinking champagne. Or, rather, they have. Champagne gives me a headache.

After a bottle or five, they'd got all girl-powerish, which is how they came to be hanging out of the windows trying to pick up blokes. I wasn't that interested. West End pickings on a Saturday night are notoriously slim. Besides, I'm not really interested in anybody at the moment. Not a foreign body at any rate. They'd been telling me you have to be unfaithful at your hen party, make-out unfaithful at the very least. Della said the French have a word for it - she'd just spent six months in Paris on assignment, she works for Marks & Spencer. She couldn't remember what the French word was exactly, but roughly translated it means "last gasp before dying."

"Charming," I said. "Believe it or not," I said, "I don't want to be unfaithful."

Copyright © 2001 by Amy Jenkins

Product Details

Jenkins, Amy
Back Bay Books
Young women
Love stories
New York
First loves
Humor : General
Edition Number:
1st paperback ed.
Edition Description:
1st Back Bay pbk. ed.
Series Volume:
Publication Date:
September 10, 2001
8.24x5.47x.77 in. .60 lbs.

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Related Subjects

Arts and Entertainment » Humor » General
Fiction and Poetry » Literature » A to Z

Honeymoon Used Trade Paper
0 stars - 0 reviews
$5.95 In Stock
Product details 304 pages Back Bay Books - English 9780316655880 Reviews:
"Review" by , "Jenkins has created a complex character in Honey, a woman who is torn between fairy-tale ideals and real-life romance and drolly questions the modern ? and often terribly unsatisfactory ? quest for a lifetime partner who must be the embodiment of perfection."
"Review" by , "It must have sounded like a great idea when TV/screenwriter Jenkins pitched it...but it falls flat because there's nothing to support the juicy central concept: no logical lead-in, no compelling complications to follow, just Honey's adorably vapid chatter...and a thousand warmed-over digressions....For every line that snaps...a dozen go limp."
"Review" by , "[Honey] stands on her own two feet as a strong comic heroine....Despite constant self-deprecation, Honey is more maturely self-aware and intellectually brighter than previous literary creations within this genre....Jenkins sets the stage for a conclusion to this romantic quagmire that's anything but predictable."
"Review" by , "Honeymoon is first-time novelist Amy Jenkins's wry tale of finding true love at the most inconvenient time. A fast-paced, raucous romp of miscommunications and misadventures..."
"Review" by , "Sexy and fast-moving."
"Review" by , "Entertaining....Anyone who enjoys a romantic romp filled with chaos and confusion will gain pleasure from Honeymoon."
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