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    Q&A | August 26, 2015

    Christopher Moore: IMG Powell’s Q&A: Christopher Moore

    Describe your latest book. Secondhand Souls is the sequel to my bestselling novel A Dirty Job, which was about a single dad in San Francisco who... Continue »
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      Secondhand Souls

      Christopher Moore 9780061779787

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2 Beaverton Science Fiction and Fantasy- A to Z
1 Hawthorne Science Fiction and Fantasy- A to Z

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Red Planet


Red Planet Cover





The thin air of Mars was chill but not really cold. It was not yet winter in southern latitudes and the daytime temperature was usually above freezing.

The queer creature standing outside the door of a dome-shaped building was generally manlike in appearance, but no human being ever had a head like that. A thing like a coxcomb jutted out above the skull, the eye lenses were wide and staring, and the front of the face stuck out in a snout. The unearthly appearance was increased by a pattern of black and yellow tiger stripes covering the entire head.

The creature was armed with a pistol-type hand weapon slung at its belt and was carrying, crooked in its right arm, a ball, larger than a basketball, smaller than a medicine ball. It moved the ball to its left arm, opened the outer door of the building and stepped inside.

Inside was a very small anteroom and an inner door. As soon as the outer door was closed the air pressure in the anteroom began to rise, accompanied by a soft sighing sound. A loudspeaker over the inner door shouted in a booming bass, “Well? Who is it? Speak up! Speak up!”

The visitor placed the ball carefully on the floor, then with both hands grasped its ugly face and pushed and lifted it to the top of its head. Underneath was disclosed the face of an Earth-human boy. “Its Jim Marlowe, Doc,” he answered.

“Well, come in. Come in! Dont stand out there chewing your nails.”

“Coming.” When the air pressure in the anteroom had equalized with the pressure in the rest of the house the inner door opened automatically. Jim said, “Come along, Willis,” and went on in.

The ball developed three spaced bumps on its lower side and followed after him, in a gait which combined spinning, walking, and rolling. More correctly, it careened, like a barrel being manhandled along a dock. They went down a passage and entered a large room that occupied half the floorspace of the circular house plan. Doctor MacRae looked up but did not get up. “Howdy, Jim. Skin yourself. Coffee on the bench. Howdy, Willis,” he added and turned back to his work. He was dressing the hand of a boy about Jims age.

“Thanks, Doc. Oh—hello, Francis. What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Jim. I killed a water-seeker, then I cut my thumb on one of its spines.”

“Quit squirming!” commanded the doctor.

“That stuff stings,” protested Francis.

“I meant it to. Shut up.”

“How in the world did you do that?” persisted Jim. “You ought to know better than to touch one of those things. Just burn em down and burn em up.” He zipped open the front of his outdoor costume, peeled it off his arms and legs and hung it on a rack near the door. The rack held Franciss suit, the headpiece of which was painted in bright colors like an Indian braves war paint, and the doctors suit, the mask of which was plain. Jim was now stylishly and appropriately dressed for indoors on Mars—bare naked save for bright red jockey shorts.

“I did burn it,” explained Francis, “but it moved when I touched it. I wanted to get the tail to make a necklace.”

“Then you didnt burn it right. Probably left it full of live eggs. Whore you making a necklace for?”

“None of your business. And I did so burn the egg sac. What do you take me for? A tourist?”

“Sometimes I wonder. You know those things dont die until sundown.”

“Dont talk nonsense, Jim,” the doctor advised. “Now, Frank, Im going to give you an anti-toxin shot. Twont do you any good but itll make your mother happy. Long about tomorrow your thumb will swell up like a poisoned pup; bring it back and Ill lance it.”

“Am I going to lose my thumb?” the boy asked.

“Nope. But youll do your scratching with your left hand for a few days. Now, Jim, what brings you here? Bellyache?”

“No, Doc. Its Willis.”

“Willis, eh? He looks pert enough to me.” The doctor stared down at the creature. Willis was at his feet, having come up to watch the dressing of Franks thumb. To do so he had protruded three eye stalks from the top of his spherical mass. The stalks stuck up like thumbs, in an equal-sided triangle, and from each popped a disturbingly human eye. The little fellow turned around slowly on his tripod of bumps, or pseudopeds, and gave each of his eyes a chance to examine the doctor.

“Get me a cup of Java, Jim,” commanded the doctor, then leaned over and made a cradle of his hands. “Here, Willis—upsi-daisy!” Willis gave a little bounce and landed in the doctors hands, withdrawing all protuberances as he did so. The doctor lifted him to the examining table; Willis promptly stuck out legs and eyes again. They stared at each other.

The doctor saw a ball covered with thick, close-cropped fur, like sheared sheepskin, and featureless at the moment save for supports and eye stalks. The Mars creature saw an elderly male Earthman almost completely covered with wiry grey-and-white hair. The hair was thin on top, thick on chin and cheeks, moderately thick to sparse on chest and arms and back and legs. The middle portion of this strange unMartian creature was concealed in snow-white shorts. Willis enjoyed looking at him.

“How do you feel, Willis?” inquired the doctor. “Feel good? Feel bad?”

A dimple showed at the very crown of the ball between the stalks, dilated to an opening. “Willis fine!” he said. His voice was remarkably like Jims.

“Fine, eh?” Without looking around the doctor added, “Jim! Wash those cups again. And this time, sterilize them. Want everybody around here to come down with the pip?”

“Okay, Doc,” Jim acknowledged, and added to Francis, “You want some coffee, too?”

“Sure. Weak, with plenty of cow.”

“Dont be fussy.” Jim dipped into the laboratory sink and managed to snag another cup. The sink was filled with dirty dishes. Nearby a large flask of coffee simmered over a Bunsen burner. Jim washed three cups carefully, put them through the sterilizer, then filled them.

Doctor MacRae accepted a cup and said, “Jim, this citizen says hes okay. Whats the trouble?”

“I know he says hes all right, Doc, but hes not. Cant you examine him and find out?”

“Examine him? How, boy? I cant even take his temperature because I dont know what his temperature ought to be. I know as much about his body chemistry as a pig knows about patty-cake. Want me to cut him open and see what makes him tick?”

Willis promptly withdrew all projections and became as featureless as a billiard ball. “Now youve scared him,” Jim said accusingly.

“Sorry.” The doctor reached out and commenced scratching and tickling the furry ball. “Good Willis, nice Willis. Nobodys going to hurt Willis. Come on, boy, come out of your hole.”

Willis barely dilated the sphincter over his speaking diaphragm. “Not hurt Willis?” he said anxiously in Jims voice.

“Not hurt Willis. Promise.”

“Not cut Willis?”

“Not cut Willis. Not a bit.”

The eyes poked out slowly. Somehow he managed an expression of watchful caution, though he had nothing resembling a face. “Thats better,” said the doctor. “Lets get to the point, Jim. What makes you think theres something wrong with this fellow, when he and I cant see it?”

“Well, Doc, its the way he behaves. Hes all right indoors, but outdoors—He used to follow me everywhere, bouncing around the landscape, poking his nose into everything.”

“He hasnt got a nose,” Francis commented.

“Go to the head of the class. But now, when I take him out, he just goes into a ball and I cant get a thing out of him. If hes not sick, why does he act that way?”

“I begin to get a glimmering,” Doctor MacRae answered. “How long have you been teamed up with this balloon?”

Jim thought back over the twenty-four months of the Martian year. “Since along toward the end of Zeus, nearly November.”

“And now here it is the last of March, almost Ceres, and the summer gone. That suggest anything to your mind?”

“Uh, no.”

“You expect him to go hopping around through the snow? We migrate when it gets cold; he lives here.”

Jims mouth dropped open. “You mean hes trying to hibernate?”

“What else? Williss ancestors have had a good many millions of years to get used to the seasons around here; you cant expect him to ignore them.”

Jim looked worried. “I had planned to take him with me to Syrtis Minor.”

“Syrtis Minor? Oh, yes, you go away to school this year, dont you? You, too, Frank.”

“You bet!”

“I cant get used to the way you kids grow up. It was just last week I was painting your thumb to keep you from sucking it.”

“I never sucked my thumb!” Francis answered.

“No? Then it was some other kid. Never mind. I came to Mars so that the years would be twice as long, but it doesnt seem to make any difference.”

“Say, Doc, how old are you?” inquired Francis.

“Mind your own business. Which one of you is going to study medicine and come back to help me with my practice?”

Neither one answered. “Speak up, speak up!” urged the doctor. “What are you going to study?”

Product Details

Heinlein, Robert A
Del Rey Books
Heinlein, Robert A.
Heinlein, Robert
Science Fiction - General
Life on other planets
Mars (planet)
Science fiction
Science / General
Science Fiction and Fantasy-A to Z
Edition Description:
Trade paper
Publication Date:
Grade Level:
8.25x5.57x.61 in. .46 lbs.

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Related Subjects

Fiction and Poetry » Literature » A to Z
Fiction and Poetry » Science Fiction and Fantasy » A to Z

Red Planet Used Trade Paper
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