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Read It Before They Screen It: Michael Bay Does James Frey!

Two controversial figures in entertainment are joining forces to adapt I Am Number Four, "the first of a six-book science fiction deal," that will be produced by Michael Bay, the auteur of movies about giant robots blowing stuff up real big.

According to Variety:

The real surprise in the deal...is the identity of one of the two authors. Though WME began shopping the book Thursday under a pseudonym, sources said one of the writers is James Frey, best known for writing A Million Little Pieces. Neither the agency nor the studio would confirm.

(Read the Powells.com interview with James Frey.)

If the rumor is true, it would be ironic, considering that most things in a Michael Bay film get blown into a million little pieces. ("A million little pieces" could also describe the editing style, as Bay's films contain, on average, one million cuts per second.)

Bay, whose Transformers 2: Revenge of Blowed-up Stuff just opened to horrendous reviews and huge box-office, may also direct I Am Number Four — which is as effective a threat as I've ever heard: "Billy, if you don't eat all your vegetables, Michael Bay will direct the movie of your life! Whoa, slow down, chew before you swallow!!!"

The franchise is about a group of nine earthbound alien teens who escaped their planet just before it was destroyed by a hostile species. While the high school-aged kids assimilate, the title character discovers that he is being hunted by the enemy that blew up his planet.

I can't wait to see the fifteen-hour, slow-motion explosion of their planet depicted in 1,235,800,956 quick cuts that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. The kids will love it.

÷ ÷ ÷

Chris Bolton co-created the all-ages webcomic Smash, which will soon be published by Candlewick Press, and created the comedy series Wage Slaves. His short story "The Red Room" was published in Portland Noir from Akashic Books.

Books mentioned in this post

  1. Portland Noir (Akashic Noir)
    Used Trade Paper $7.95
  2. A Million Little Pieces
    Used Trade Paper $5.95

One Response to "Read It Before They Screen It: Michael Bay Does James Frey!"

    Rich David June 29th, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    Sounds like the worst movie ever made is about to get made.

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