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Archive for the 'Poll' Category

Final Results for March 27 Poll: Vicki By a Nose!

If, like me, you've ever wondered who would win a cage match between Vicki, the little robot kid from '80s sitcom Small Wonder, and Manimal — wonder no more!

It's Vicki, by just one percent.

When asked which character from a bad '80s TV series should replace ALF as our go-to guy on the blog poll, 25% of respondents chose the annoying little robot girl despite the fact that no human being ever laughed at a single joke, not even once, during Small Wonder's entire, inexplicable, four-year (!!!) run.

Then again, Manimal was second with 24% despite the fact that no human being ever watched a single episode of Manimal during its ill-fated run from September to December, 1983.

Third place went to Webster from Webster (21%) despite the fact that 98.5% of our respondents mistakenly believe he was played by Gary Coleman.

Final Results for March 20 Poll: Die, Timmy and His Rabbit!

History has been made. For the first time in the short but shameful career of the Hump Day Poll — we have a tie, people.

When it comes to the question of which once-popular Easter game has most unfairly gone out of fashion, our dedicated respondents are torn right down the middle.

34% said both "Bury Timmy alive on Saturday night and see if he rises on Sunday morning" and "Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit..."

We can only conclude by this that next Easter would be a good weekend to hide wild rabbits and gullible children named Timmy.

Final Results for March 13 Poll: We’re Shamefully Shameless!

In what can only be described as some kind of shameless new low on our part, 41% of respondents declared their favorite part of spring to be: ALF and me imbibing recreational drugs as we debate new episodes of Lost.

ALF, recreational drugs, and Lost? COME ON!!

That's like teaming up Han Solo, Chuck Norris, and Wolverine against a league of evil Maxim models, and marveling that it's the number one most-downloaded film of all time. Too easy!


Fortunately, 28% of respondents saw right through this pandering grasp for popularity and selected the more brutally honest, if admittedly perverse, Cadbury Creme Eggs in my dreams and my bed.

You might just be surprised how soft and sleep-inducing those creamy centers can be.

Final Results for March 6 Poll: Homie Ain’t No Lost Survivor, Yo!

Margaret B. Jones's "home girl" routine may have fooled those sick New York editors, but our sharp-eyed readers knew she was whack!

A whopping 62% of respondents cited Jones's claim that she was one of the "Oceanic Six" who survived the crash of Flight 815 as a major tip-off that her acclaimed book was a hoaxoir.

16% noted that when Jones claimed Tupac explained to her how he'd faked his death, they knew she had to get up outta her whip.

"Homie don't play dat!" yelled 10% of respondents at Jones's claims that BET declared "Margaret Jones Day" and anointed her the White Queen of South Central.

Everyone else totally fell for her ruse and was just trying to cover up for it. Y'all got PLAYED!

Final Results for February 27 Poll

Here's how respondents voted in last week's poll:

Final Results for February 20 Poll: Mark Trails No Comic!

"Mark Trail: Lost"

Mark Trail: Lost by a landslide!

Is 39% a landslide? Well, close enough.

Final Results for the February 13 Poll: Heartless Bastards, All of Ya!

Don't expect candy and flowers from our blog readers!

When asked Which title best approximates your feelings about Valentine's Day?, 64% of respondents chose Lost.

At this point it's anyone's guess as to whether that actually reflects the romantic disillusionment of our readers, or if people just see the word "Lost" on the poll and automatically press it, like Sawyer in his cage, pushing the button for dog treats.

The runner-up choice, Eats, Shoots and Leaves, received 10% of the vote. I leave it to you to draw your own conclusions about that one.

In an "anyone's guess" tie for third were A Dirty Job and Eat, Pray, Love, each with 9% of the vote. Personally, I'd like to think the people who chose A Dirty Job were the partners, dates, and significant others of the ones who picked Eat, Pray, Love — but maybe I'm just weird like that.

Final Results for February 6 Poll: Wookie Lovin’

When it comes to Lost characters tucking them in and reading them to sleep, our blog respondents can't be fooled: ALF isn't even on the damn show.

This is the only possible explanation for the universally adored Melmackian* tying for last place with a paltry 5% of the vote.

(* For those who somehow aren't in the know, a Melmackian is something of a cross between a Wookie, an Ewok, and a fifth of Jameson's.)

The fact that Locke tied with ALF is another matter entirely — and would seem to suggest that baldness is as unwelcome as shaggy-carpet fur to our discriminating respondents.

Final Results for January 30 Poll: Abs Suck, Blogs Rock!

Let it never be said that we at are not swayed by popularity.

When I was young, back in the early '90s, I styled my hair in a huge pompadour with a big, white streak down the middle and copied all of Vanilla Ice's intricate dance moves in a woefully misguided attempt to be just like the most popular singer in the world.

Then a friend patiently explained to me that Ice's fifteen minutes were up and pointed out how truly ridiculous I looked.

"You look ridiculous," he said, laughing so hard he could barely catch his breath. "That stupid hair, the annoying music, those idiotic dance moves — that's all out, man! MC Hammer is the new popular thing."

But I couldn't touch that, so I didn't.

I thought the need for popularity long gone from my rapidly aging, thirtysomething bones — but, no. It seems last week's Hump Day Poll has reawakened my desire to be loved by the masses. And can you blame me? With nearly three times the response of the previously most-responded-to poll, last week's was clearly the poll with the best hair, coolest clothes, and awesomest dance moves, and I must learn to emulate each and every one of them!

Final Results for January 24 Poll: ALF Devours Cobra!

The CIA may not like it, but we managed to leak several of the sentences redacted from Joseph Weisberg's novel An Ordinary Spy — then asked you to pick your favorite.

The winner by 40% of the vote: ALF is not actually a puppet, but the first human/Melmackian hybrid born into captivity.

Unfortunately, since running last week's poll, high-ranking White House officials have covertly alerted us to a potential invasion of human/Melmackian hybrids, warning that ALF is but a friendly, annoying figurehead for a genuinely sinister army of cat-eating warriors who aim to take over our planet.

I figure they've got about 20 years of ruling Earth before the whole damn thing is buried underwater, cats and all, so good luck to 'em.

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