Okay, admittedly things are good. One day left until the book officially comes out and already a whole bunch of amazing reviews, including a heartbreakingly wonderful one from the New York Times. But my Al Gore-humping intern Sharyn is still not convinced we're doing well. "You're not facebookering enough, Igor," she tells me, knowing that my Russian name will reduce me to a state of blubbering infancy. " Thirty-six minutes you haven't facebookered. You're invisible! Go jump in a cool Pacific Northwestern lake! And drown!"
"But what about the nice reviews?"
"Nobody cares! The only article worth a damn is the Daily Beast's Lindsay Lohan's Jailhouse Reading List where a librarian tells Lindsay to cuddle up with your new book. What you need, farfelleh, is a platform, for realsies. I am so gonna get you on T.V."
Off we went to a production company in Chelsea where I spent my morning auditioning for a new Bravo show. I play a novelist who doesn't sell any book because nobody reads anymore. So to make money I'm saddled up by a bunch of Bravo execs who ride me around like a horsey through Central Park. I have to wear the English Oxford Dictionary around my neck on a heavy chain. It's called "Flavor of Shteyn" for some reason. Mel Gibson is attached to direct. Maybe my life really is turning a corner?
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Gary Shteyngart was born in Leningrad in 1972 and came to the United States seven years later. His debut novel, The Russian Debutante's Handbook, won the Stephen Crane Award for First Fiction and the National Jewish Book Award for Fiction. His second novel, Absurdistan, was named one of the 10 Best Books of the Year by The New York Times Book Review, as well as a best book of the year by Time, the Washington Post Book World, the San Francisco Chronicle, and many other publications. He has been selected as one of Granta's Best Young American Novelists. He lives in New York City.
Books mentioned in this post
Gary Shteyngart is the author of Super Sad True Love Story