So, I'm out here on book tour, and one of the anecdotes I've been telling is about how, once, in a darkened theater, someone in the crowd kept yelling for me to speak up, and every time I'd start to speak again, she'd interrupt me and say, "You're mumbling. You're speaking into your chest!"
All I could see of her was one of those red cowboy hats that is typically packaged with two little chromed plastic guns. So, on the fourth time she yelled, "Speak up, you're mumbling!"
I yelled, "Well, your hat is stupid!"
Then a man stood up behind her and shouted, "She was coming to your signings when there were only three people!" And he started to push her wheelchair out of the theater. I yelled at an old lady in a wheelchair. And, to be honest, twice, because as she rolled by, she screeched, "You're still mumbling!"
And I said, "Well, your hat is still stupid!"
But last night, I'm telling this story, and a guy comes up afterward and tells me about how some kid is kicking the back of his seat through a cross-country flight. And after about two hours go by, he can't take it, and he turns around and unloads on the mother and father for not disciplining their bratty kid. And about halfway through his tirade, he sees that they are all wearing "Make-a-Wish" T-shirts and the kid has sort of a mangy haircut.
So I felt better. Because at least I didn't yell at a Make-a-Wish kid.
I told him that he should go on book tour...
From the road,
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Christopher Moore is the author of ten novels, including the New York Times bestsellers The Stupidest Angel, You Suck, and A Dirty Job. He lives in San Francisco, California. You can find him on his website, or on MySpace, or on Facebook.
Books mentioned in this post
Christopher Moore is the author of Fool