February 9th, 2007
I've spent four days running off at the mouth about writing. Maybe it's time to talk about something else. And by talk, I mean, I say things, and you say things too. That's why there's a comments thread below. So here's five non-writing fill-in-the-blank statements. I'll provide my answers. You provide yours.
1. If I could download a new skill straight to my brain, it would be: how to play guitar. You will, by the way, be able to download that skill and others, directly to your gray matter from the iTunes store, for .99 per new ability, by the year 2016. Unfortunately, radical DRM will prevent you from then teaching or sharing your new skills to anyone else. So while you may be able to download the ability to throw the Roger Clemens splitter, if you try and show your kid how to do it, your arm will go haywire, and you'll wind up chucking the ball into your kid's head.
2. If you could scrub any one song out of existence and all human memory it would be: "Tom Sawyer" — Rush. I wouldn't last long at 'Gitmo. All they'd have to do is strap me down and make me listen to Moving Pictures, I'd tell â€˜em anything, anything at all.
3. If you were stuck in any one cartoon it would be: God, it would be hell, wouldn't it? Bugs Bunny? You'd constantly have sticks of dynamite going off in your face. Scooby Doo? You'd always be running in terror from the haunted mall, the haunted water park, the haunted outhouse, never adapting to the idea that it's always a guy in a rubber mask. I guess I'd pick Avatar. Because at the very least, it would be fun to soar around on a flying water buffalo.
4. One place I used to go that doesn't exist anymore that I miss is: Pilot's Grill in Bangor, Maine, because they made a lobster stew that was basically the best eating in the world. Pilot's Grill has been closed a few years now. Truthfully, I guess I miss the soup more than I miss the place.
5. The technological leap I most want to see is: Self-building Legos for the truly lazy child. I'd also someday like to buy a can of Spray-On No-Mess Life.
Those are my answers, now it's your turn (if your thoughts wind up getting too long for the comments thread, there's also my message board).
And... and... and that's it. I have nothing else left to say, so instead of boring the hell out of you for another couple hundred words, I thought I would show you this picture of me holding a crab:
Thanks for reading my posts, and my thanks to everyone at Powell's for having me! It's been a blast!
Books mentioned in this post
Joe Hill is the author of Heart-Shaped Box: A Novel