Instead of offering my two bits (and change), I'm just going to sit here shaking my head with dismay and allow all of you to ponder a world where 44% of respondents would somehow rather see The Hobbit than ALF Meets Manimal and the Robot Kid from "Small Wonder."
Here's The Hobbit: "Wheeeeee, look at me, I'm a little guy with hairy feet! La dee da dee da, look at all the fun computer monsters around me! Dum de dum de dum, what silly, fun, dumb adventures I'm having! Wonder how my life will end up? Oh, that's right, you already know 'cause I turned old and crazy in the Lord of the Rings movies everyone saw! Ta tee ta tee ta, I wish I could kill myself, and so will you when you have to sit through this movie."
And here's the entire world after witnessing the pants-splurshing spectacle that is ALF Meets Manimal and the Robot Kid from "Small Wonder": "HOLY [CENSORED] ON MY MOTHER'S [CENSORED] [CENSORED], THIS IS THE GREATEST CINEMATIC ACHIEVEMENT OF ALL [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] TIME!!!!!!!!!"
But hey, you enjoy your Hobbit leavings.
Final, pitiful results:
Tune in next week to see how our readership can break my heart yet again.
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Brockman is the head writer for the daily Book News posts on the Powells.com blog. In his free time he's hard at work on his fictional memoir, which changes titles daily.
The views and commentary posted by Brockman are entirely his own, and are not representative of the whole of Powell's Books, its employees, or any sane human being.
Books mentioned in this post