It's Vicki, by just one percent.
When asked which character from a bad '80s TV series should replace ALF as our go-to guy on the blog poll, 25% of respondents chose the annoying little robot girl despite the fact that no human being ever laughed at a single joke, not even once, during Small Wonder's entire, inexplicable, four-year (!!!) run.
Then again, Manimal was second with 24% despite the fact that no human being ever watched a single episode of Manimal during its ill-fated run from September to December, 1983.
Third place went to Webster from Webster (21%) despite the fact that 98.5% of our respondents mistakenly believe he was played by Gary Coleman.
Taking up the rear is Blair from The Facts of Life, with only 7%. I'd like to think these results would be inverted if the question had been Which character from a bad '80s sitcom would you most like to date?
I fear, however, that the results might be identical, so that poll will never appear.
Come back next week because we're easier to read than Ain't It Cool News.
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Brockman is the head writer for the daily Book News posts on the Powells.com blog. In his free time he's hard at work on his fictional memoir, which changes titles daily.
The views and commentary posted by Brockman are entirely his own, and are not representative of the whole of Powell's Books, its employees, or any sane human being.