Synopses & Reviews
andlt;iandgt;Mission Accomplished! Or How We Won the War in Iraqandlt;/iandgt; is the definitive collection -- systematically categorized, indexed, and footnoted for your convenience -- of authoritative misinformation, disinformation, misunderstanding, miscalculation, egregious prognostication, boo-boos, and just plain lies, about the Iraq War. andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; "Never before has such a large and diverse group of experts been so unanimously in favor of a particular national policy as they were in the case of the U.S. invasion of Iraq," note Christopher Cerf and Victor Navasky, who, as co-founders of the Institute of Expertology, the nation's leading purveyor of expertise on expertise, were uniquely qualified to assemble this impressive collection. "In the face of such a consensus, we had no choice but to ask ourselves, 'Could the iron law of expertology -- the experts are never right -- be wrong?'" andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; At once an entertainment, a cautionary tale, a critique of mass media, a reference tool, and a postwar manifesto, andlt;iandgt;Mission Accomplished!andlt;/iandgt; presents, as no book has before, the collective wisdom of all those who are presumed to know what they talking about on the subject of America's adventure in Iraq. As this hilarious, yet depressing, volume demonstrates, they don't. andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; From MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; -- President George W. Bush, May 1, 2003 andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; "[Insurgents] pose no strategic threat to the United States or to the Coalition Forces." andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; -- L. Paul Bremer III, Administrator of the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq, November 17, 2003 andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; "Military action will not last more than a week." andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; -- Bill O'Reilly, andlt;iandgt;The O'Reilly Factor,andlt;/iandgt; January 23, 2003 andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; -- President George W. Bush, at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, December 10, 2001
Review
"Having amassed an aircraft carrier's worth of lies about the lead-up to the invasion of Iraq, Christopher Cerf and Victor Navasky can now crow andlt;iandgt;Mission Accomplished!.andlt;/iandgt; Indeed." -- andlt;iandgt;Vanity Fairandlt;/iandgt;
Review
"All the golden oldies are here, from the title of the book itself to Rumsfeld's "freedom is untidy" to Kenneth Adelman's prediction that the war would be a "walk in the park" to Cheney and McCain's prediction that the Iraqis would greet us as "liberators." Readers may wish to do Sudoku puzzles instead of wallowing in memories of Ari Fleischer and WMDs. But readers who opt for andlt;iandgt;Mission Accomplishedandlt;/iandgt; may find that it pins them to their, um, seats." -- Salon.com
Review
"Almost 25 years after the amusing andlt;iandgt;The Experts Speak: The Definitive Compendium of Authoritative Misinformation,andlt;/iandgt; Victor Navasky and Christopher Cerf have compiled its successor, andlt;iandgt;Mission Accomplished!andlt;/iandgt; The new book, nicely illustrated by satirist Robert Grossman, hangs authorities of all vocations and ideological stripes with their words about slam dunks, cakewalks, willing coalitions, the war's cost, Jessica Lynch, Blackwater and much more." -- andlt;iandgt;Washington Post Expressandlt;/iandgt;
Review
"Victor Navasky and Christopher Cerf's shrewd, lucid and tragically funny compilation of 'experts' offering their (erroneous, comically misguided, and even outright false) thoughts on the Iraq war...is sure to become one of the essential reads for those trying to remember how the Iraq fiasco came to be." -Huffington Post
About the Author
andlt;Bandgt;Christopher Cerfandlt;/Bandgt; is an Emmy and Grammy award-winning author, composer, and producer. A charter contributingandlt;iandgt; andlt;/iandgt;editor of the andlt;iandgt;National Lampoonandlt;/iandgt;, Cerf has written more than 300 songs for andlt;iandgt;Sesame Streetandlt;/iandgt; and co-edited the celebrated newspaper parody andlt;iandgt;Not The New York Timesandlt;/iandgt;.andlt;bandgt;Victor S. Navaskyandlt;/bandgt; is the publisher emeritus of andlt;Iandgt;The Nationandlt;/iandgt; and chairman of andlt;Iandgt;The Columbia Journalism Review.andlt;/iandgt; He is the author of the National Book Award-winner andlt;Iandgt;Naming Namesandlt;/iandgt; and andlt;Iandgt;A Matter of Opinion.andlt;/iandgt; In 1984, with Mr. Cerf, he cofounded the Institute of Expertology.andlt;bandgt;Robert Grossman'sandlt;/bandgt; illustrations have appeared in andlt;Iandgt;The New York Times, The Nation, The New Yorker, The New York Observer, Rolling Stone,andlt;/iandgt; and many other publications.
Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION PROLOGUE
PART I: SADDAM HUSSEIN: "A FORCE FOR PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST" PART II: PREMONITIONS OF LIBERATION
VOLUME I: THE GATHERING STORM
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION: DOES SADDAM REALLY HAVE THEM? (ONLY A FOOL -- OR POSSIBLY A FRENCHMAN -- COULD CONCLUDE OTHERWISE) Does Saddam Have Nukes? "We Don't Want the Smoking Gun to be a Mushroom Cloud!"
Aluminum Tubes
"16 Little Words"
Chemical and Biological Weapons
Biological Vans: Cooking Everything but the Books?
Anthrax: "Let's All Take a Deep Breath"
The Loyal Opposition Speaks
THE MISSING LINK
Mohammed Atta's Trip to Prague: An "Undisputed Fact"
AN IMMINENT THREAT?
Postscript: On the Imminency of Nonimminency
UNIMPEACHABLE SOURCES: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JUDITH MILLER
THE SEARCH FOR A DIPLOMATIC SOLUTION
Inspecting the Inspectors (or The Search for Rosie O'Donnell's Stretch Marks)
Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys
War or Peace? "The Decider Has Yet to Decide"
VOLUME II: THEIR FINEST HOUR: AMERICA READIES ITSELF TO FREE THE IRAQI PEOPLE
CAKEWALK! HOW MANY TROOPS WILL BE NEEDED?
Postscript: What About Casualties?
A BURNING QUESTION: WHAT'S OIL GOT TO DO WITH IT?
HOW MUCH WILL IT COST? A WAR THAT WILL PAY FOR ITSELF!
HOW LONG WILL IT LAST? (OR WHEN DO WE GET TO DINE IN THE GASLIGHT DISTRICT?)
And Wait...There's Even More Good News!
Postscript: "The Rush to Peace"
VOLUME III: THE GRAND ALLIANCE
Part I: The Coalition of the Willing Invades Iraq
THE COALITION OF THE WILLING
"GOD IS GRILLING THEIR STOMACHS IN HELL!"
"THE GREATEST HEROINE OF ALL TIME": SAVING PRIVATE LYNCH
Part II: Mission Accomplished
POSTSCRIPT: AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THINGS COULD HAVE GONE EVEN BETTER!
VOLUME IV: THE HINGE OF FATE
LOOTING: "A NATURAL PROCESS" AND "A RELIEF TO COLLEGE STUDENTS EVERYWHERE" Postscript: Keeping Our Priorities Straight
RESISTANCE? WHAT RESISTANCE?
WHY BAGHDAD IS JUST LIKE MANHATTAN (OR IS IT CALIFORNIA?)
THE NEXT (OR NEXT TO LAST) WORD ON WMDS
Postscript: So We Didn't Find the WMDs. Big Deal!
A "BUNCH OF BULL": THE "IRRELEVANT" DEBATE OVER THE "16 LITTLE WORDS"
Revisionist History
THE VALERIE PLAME AFFAIR
TORTURE: THE NEW PARADIGM
Optional Reading: The Geneva Convention
Welcome to Guantánamo!
Postscript: Should Guantánamo Prison Be Shut Down?
The Case for Torture
Postscript: The President Calls the World to Action
The Comforts of Abu Ghraib
ALL HAIL THE VICEROY: JERRY BREMER AND THE CPA
Reconstruction, American-Style
Postscript: Money Players
Perspectives on Chaos
COMING REAL SOON NOW: THE NEW, DE-BA'ATHIFIED IRAQI SECURITY FORCES!
CONTRACTORS: "SKYDIVERS AND MOTORCYCLISTS"
"An Uptick in Local Engagements"
The Ambush in Fallujah: What Really Happened?
"Humane Democracy" in Nisour Square
See No Evil, Hear No Evil
Postscript: The Cookie and Buzzy Show
A CIVIL WAR? NOT BLOODY LIKELY!
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED REVISITED
VOLUME V: CLOSING THE RING: THE END GAME?
MEASURING THE IRAQ WAR IN "FRIEDMAN UNITS" TURNING POINTS
VIGILANCE, THE PRICE OF LIBERTY
Some Dare Call It Treason: America's Fifth Column
Fear Itself: The Bush Administration Reassures America
Things We Mustn't Do (So the Terrorists Won't Win)
Postscript: The Hunt for Osama bin Laden
VOLUME VI: TRIUMPH OR TRAGEDY? AMERICA LOOKS BACK AT FIVE YEARS OF CONFLICT
WHY WE FIGHT PLANTING THE SEEDS OF FREEDOM (THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAILS)
History's Judgment
"Resolve, Constancy and Unity of Purpose"
PROFILES IN COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM
RUMSFELD'S PERFORMANCE: THE DECIDER DECIDES
NOTHING FAILS LIKE SUCCESS!
WHO, ME?
THE NEW CRUSADERS
God Is on Our Side
Postscript: God Is on Their Side, Too
PAX AMERICANA
In Closing: A Message of Unity and Hope from President George W. Bush
EPILOGUE: FINALLY, AN EXPERT WHO WAS RIGHT
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
NOTES
INDEX
THE INSTITUTE OF EXPERTOLOGY
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
SPECIAL BONUS SECTION: A SNEAK PREVIEW OF OUR FORTHCOMING BOOK, THE EXPERTS SPEAK ABOUT IRAN