Synopses & Reviews
Inside:
• 10 Heroes of Intercourse Cards
• Comprehensive Textbook
• 10 Sexual Position Cards
• Diploma (Suitable For Framing)
First Timer’s Kit May Cause the Following Side Effects:
Fatigue, numbness in extremities, unexpected lactation, mood swings, fever, ennui, nostalgia, cotton mouth, dropsy, banal dinner conversation, shin splints, nausea, dizziness, ringing in the ears, shortness of breath, dyspepsia, hot flashes, abdominal pain, lingering malaise, nosebleeds, stigmata, mossiness, bossa nova influenced heart palpitations, sluggishness, bad breath, excessive sassiness, vertigo, clammy palms, envy, the heebie jeebies, itchy teeth, ESP, memories you thought long forgotten, sleepiness at small print, phantom pain in your umbilical cord, buyer’s remorse, depression, elation, confusion, consternation, sensitivity to the the light, uncontrollable erections, or superpowers.
Synopsis
The perfect gag gift for insecure teenagers and college students everywhere, First Timer's Kit offers a comprehensive sexual education, courtesy of semi-credible medical expert Dr. Eric Ryland Horner. Contents include:
Dr. Horner's comprehensive textbook, How to Lose Your Virginity in 96 Pages
10 Sexual Position Study Cards (ranked by difficulty, from beginner to advanced to Cirque du Soleil)
10 Heroes of Intercourse Trading Cards (includes the extremely rare Dr. Ruth Westheimer card)
Certificate of Copulation (suitable for framing)
And more
Full of hilarious anatomical diagrams, ridiculous advice, and tips for surviving the morning after, the First Timer's Kit encourages readers to stop masturbating and start living
Synopsis
Inside:
- 10 Heroes of Intercourse Cards
- Comprehensive Textbook
- 10 Sexual Position Cards
- Diploma (Suitable For Framing)
First Timer's Kit May Cause the Following Side Effects:
Fatigue, numbness in extremities, unexpected lactation, mood swings, fever, ennui, nostalgia, cotton mouth, dropsy, banal dinner conversation, shin splints, nausea, dizziness, ringing in the ears, shortness of breath, dyspepsia, hot flashes, abdominal pain, lingering malaise, nosebleeds, stigmata, mossiness, bossa nova influenced heart palpitations, sluggishness, bad breath, excessive sassiness, vertigo, clammy palms, envy, the heebie jeebies, itchy teeth, ESP, memories you thought long forgotten, sleepiness at small print, phantom pain in your umbilical cord, buyer's remorse, depression, elation, confusion, consternation, sensitivity to the the light, uncontrollable erections, or superpowers.
About the Author
Dr. Eric Ryland Horner holds so many degrees that the only way to fit them all on one page was to shrink them down to a microfiche done, which serves as the period for the end of this sentence. He currently runs a private practice in Philadelphia.