Synopses & Reviews
If you are divorced, or are contemplating divorce, you’ve probably heard the diatribe: Divorce is messy. Divorce is a tragedy. Divorce will scar your children for life.
Befriending Your Ex challenges many of these destructive myths about divorce, and sets out to change the way we think about the process of divorce and its ultimate outcome. While divorce certainly can have negative effects upon children, when they occur, these effects are likely to result from a hostile and combative relationship between ex-spouses. This uplifting book reminds the reader that all divorces need not follow this unhappy script, and that ex-spouses can collaboratively co-parent and be a source of support, not only to their children, but to one another as well.
Author Judy Rabinor’s ability to write as both a divorcee and a psychologist gives her a unique perspective on the subject, and in the book she artfully and thoughtfully combines research, clinical practice, and the everyday reality faced by a divorced parent. As a guide for parents, this book is filled with practical exercises, suggestions and strategies for coping with anger, grief, and loss, as well as the myriad of day to day issues involved in co-parenting after divorce.
Story after story—including Judy’s own story—reminds the reader that once the emotional tsunami of divorce settles back down, exes can be connected and supportive to one another as they share a major joy: loving and raising children and grandchildren, enjoying the family they have created, and creating a new family unit to evolve in the wake of divorce.
Review
Whether youre angry or sad about the breakup, Befriending Your Ex after Divorce shows you how to manage your feelings and find healthy new ways to relate to your ex. A valuable guidebook that should be read by everyone who has an ex!”
Constance R. Ahrons, PhD, author of The Good Divorce and Were Still Family
Befriending Your Ex after Divorce is a wise, practical, and compassionate guide that will help make your transition easier, happier, and ultimately a pathway to renewal. It is a gateway into forgivenesswhich is the key to all lasting change. This is a must-read for anyone going through a divorce with children.”
Barbara Biziou, author of The Joy of Ritual and The Joy of Family Rituals
Review
This is an inspiring book that every divorced parent should have on their night table, and every therapist who works with divorcing families should have it in their office. Judith Ruskay Rabinor offers both a professional and personal model of co-parenting that nurtures emotional connection with oneself, as well as emotional communication with ones ex. Her work is based on a deep understanding of the importance of maintaining healthy attachment bonds, for the sake of both children and parents, alike.
Diana Fosha, PhD, founder and director of the AEDP Institute
Review
I highly recommend this book to anyone who truly wants to get along with their exas well as to those who have no interest in being friends. Every page is full of well-researched information that can help even the most jilted of spouses relate to their ex in a way that holds the best interest of the children as a top priority and promotes healing for everyone involved. It should be mandatory reading for anyone whose marriage is ending.”
Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW, author of Contemplating Divorce and Stronger Day by Day
Review
One of the hardest things we are called upon to do in life is to open our hearts to someone who hurt or betrayed us. Yet therapists deal every day with the tragic consequences to divorced families when the exes keep feuding and stewing. Befriending Your Ex after Divorce helps former partners access the love and compassion they have for each other that is buried beneath the pain. The post-divorce life of families doesnt have to be barren and bitter. This book can help make it a period of learning and beauty.”
Richard Schwartz, PhD, founder and director of Internal Family Systems and author of Introduction to Internal Family Systems Therapy and You Are the One Youve Been Waiting For
Review
Judith Ruskay Rabinor is a clinical psychologist who has felt the pain of divorce herself and helped hundreds of clients through those trials. If you are facing a painful break-up or have experienced one, or if you simply want to help someone who has, this book is for you. Abraham Lincoln said, Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? Now, here is Rabinors accumulated wisdom on this topic. She aims at not just helping you minimize pain, but enlisting an ally. You can draw on her wisdom in this book if you want to help make life more peaceful and productive for your children, yourself, and your ex.”
Everett L. Worthington, Jr., author of Forgiving and Reconciling (InterVarsity Press)
Review
In my over 35 years as a practicing divorce attorney at Jenner and Block, I have seen too many divorcing couples act out grudges with their exes in destructive post-divorce conflicts. Much has already been written to minimize these outcomes by explaining the importance of having a good divorce for the sake of the children, and proposing strategies for co-parenting after divorce. Rabinors book, however, goes deeper and offers a fresh perspective by focusing on the couples personal relationship after divorce
. A groundbreaking perspective, certain to reframe our thinking on post-divorce life.”
James. H. Feldman, Esq, family law partner and board chair of The Family Institute at Northwestern University
Review
Divorce ends a marriage; it doesnt end a family
. This book teaches separated spouses how to let go of the anger, grief, and resentment that prevents them from getting on with their lives.”
Melinda Blau, author of fourteen books, including Families Apart: Ten Keys to Successful Co-Parenting and award-winning journalist
Review
This book is an invaluable resource for divorcing parents who want their children to grow up healthy and emotionally secure in a dual-household family. Rabinors insight, experience, humor, and spunk make her one of my favorite experts to interview for my films.”
Leta Lenik, documentary film producer whose films include Hungry to be Heard and Women Unchained
Review
“The Co-Parenting Survival Guide offers compassion and wisdom in calming the destructive aspects of conflict so that the most important individuals o fall, the children of divorce, can grow up healthy.”
—Carla B. Garrity, Ph.D., and Mitchell A Baris, Ph.D., authors, Children of Divorce and Caught in the Middle
Review
“This book is very vivid reminder to parents of the damage that can be done to their most valued asset—their children. For those who take the time, this book will save them days of pain and lots of money.”
—Frank Santy, Esq., Family Law Attorney, Enfield, CT
Review
“A concrete, easy-to-read outline on how to help conflict-addicted couples co-parent. This book should be on the shelf of every practicioner who works with divorcing parents—and every judge, moderator, and lawyer who works in the family court system as well.”
—Dr. Jeffrey Naser, M.D., Practicing Child Psychiatrist, Wayne, PA
Review
“All parents want their children to grow up healthy, happy, and well-adjusted. The Co-Parenting Survival Guide helps feuding parents focus on these common goals and gives them techniques to stop the conflict, end the wars, and give children back their childhood.”
—Barry F. Armata, Esq., Family Law Attorney, Bristol, CT
Review
“Drs. Zimmerman and Thayer join a small but growing number of professionals dedicated to helping divorcing families navigate the often murky waters of postdivorce parenting. Their book will serve as a step-by-step guide for success for every divorced parent who has the courage and foresight to use it.”
—Jean McBride, M.S., L.M.F.T., President, Center for Divorce & Remarriage, Inc., Fort Collins, CO
Review
“In this book, Drs. Thayer and Zimmerman have set a new standard for how to work with high-conflict divorced couples. In a clear and methodical manner, the authors teach ex-spouses how to slowly peel back the layers of conflict between them. More importantly, they provide ex-spouses with a clear roadmap to help them navigate their way towards becoming better parents for their children. This book gives a voice to the children who suffer, often silently, at the hands of their conflict-ridden parents. Anyone working with these children and their families must read this book. “
—Mitchell Greene, Ph.D., Child and Family Psychologist, Wayne, PA
Synopsis
Befriending Your Ex After Divorce presents communication strategies, anger management tips, and other advice for building and maintaining friendship and a positive coparenting relationship with an ex after divorce.
Synopsis
The negative effect that divorce has on kids is most often not the result of the divorce itself, but the negative, hostile, and combative nature of the parents’ relationship. Not all divorces need to follow this unhappy script, but all too many do. Befriending Your Ex After Divorce is the guide divorced parents really need to develop a healthy post-divorce relationship with their ex-spouses. It features effective techniques for making peace with an ex-spouse for the sake of the entire family.
This book shows readers that it’s both possible and desirable to have a positive, platonic relationship with an ex-spouse long over the dissolution of a marriage. This type of post-divorce relationship is becoming more and more common and benefits everyone involved. The parents are able to cooperate in raising children, and both parents are able to offer each other support in the wake of divorce. The true stories and practical suggestions in this book show how ex-spouses can become supportive allies and partners through the ups and downs of parenting.
Synopsis
This book helps parents in the aftermath of divorce learn to sustain a healthy co-parenting relationship and offers specifics for solving day-to-day problems, disciplining, and handling conflict during transitional times and special events.
Synopsis
You may be winning the battle in court, but losing the war at home, saddened at the wounds your children bear as a result of this conflict. But because you are willing to do anything to help your children thrive, you can learn to build a parenting partnership with your former mate in spite of the history between you.
The Co-Parenting Survival Guide shows you how to avoid the hot spots and the common traps of hostility, inflexibility, and constant squabbling, and develop skills to sustain a co-parenting partnership based on love and concern for your children, so they can best benefit from two parents living separately but working together.
About the Author
Judith Ruskay Rabinor, PhD, is author of Befriending Your Ex after Divorce and A Starving Madness. She is also the founder and director of the American Eating Disorders Center of Long Island.
� Don-David Lusterman, PhD, is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Baldwin, NY. He specializes in marriage and family therapy. A frequent media guest, he has appeared on The Today Show and Oprah and been the subject of numerous radio and print interviews. He has spent thousands of hours counseling clients who were dealing with infidelity in their marriages. This helped him to develop a model for intervention that can enables both partners to make decisions.