Synopses & Reviews
Conflict is an unavoidable part of life. Everyone has at least one relationship that is in conflict, whether it's with a family member, a co-worker or boss, a teacher, a friend, or a lover. And while it is common to blame others for the conflict, this type of strategy usually makes things worse.
Conflict, says Jeffrey A. Kottler, is an interactive process—you cannot look at a person who makes life difficult for you without also looking at yourself. While blaming others may lead to short-term relief, it often escalates conflicts and produces long-term damage. Kottler shows that to contend with conflict we must first understand the problem, then take responsibility and change our own roles. Kottler explores the patterns of conflict in our lives and tells how to identify the unresolved issues within us that contribute to recurring problems.
Beyond Blame presents specific advice on conflicts in love, conflicts at work, and what to do when conflicts cannot be resolved. Through many examples and helpful exercises we learn how to
- confront the interactions that arouse our deepest fears
- harness emotional pain and use it as a motivating force for constructive change
- take responsibility without feeling the need to blame others
- say no to guilt
- identify the positive functions of conflict as a releaser of tension, a promoter of growth, and more.
"Beyond Blame explains why so many people seem incapable of settling their disputes. It tells how to quit the blame game. How to resolve controversies. I can't think of anybody who should not read this book." --Robert Coulson, former president, American Arbitration Association
"Provides both encouragement and good advice for changing the way we react to conflict and discovering conflict-resolving behaviors."
"This is a fascinating, intriguing and plausible presentation."
"Helps identify the people who push your buttons, be they friAnds, co-workers, or family."
"Become comfortable in understanding [your] own reactions in conflict situations and become more capable of making certain those reactions are appropriate."
"For anyone who wants to take the responsibility for identifying and resolving conflicts in any type of relationship." --James A. Baker, M.S., Sarasota Memorial Hospital, Sarasota, Florida, American Journal of Health-System Pharmacy
"This well-written book provides a logical approach for anyone interested in applying its ideas to foster strong personal relationships. It may be exceedingly helpful to health care professionals during these times of transition." --James A. Baker, M.S., Sarasota Memorial Hospital, Sarasota, Florida, American Journal of Health-System Pharmacy
identify the positive functions of conflict as a releaser of tension, a promoter of growth, and more.
Focuses on the only party in a conflict that we have any control over: ourselves
Conflict is an interactive process--you cannot look at a person who makes life difficult for you without also looking at yourself. While blaming others may lead to short-term relief, it often escalates conflicts and produces long-term damage.
And with conflict we must first understand the problem and then take responsibility by changing our own roles. Beyond Blame presents specific advice on conflicts in love, conflicts at work, and what to do when conflicts cannot be resolved.
JEFFREY A. KOTTLER is professor of counseling and educational psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. Kottler is an internationally recognized authority in the area of human relationships, and the author of thirteen books, including the highly acclaimed On Being a Therapist (1993), Compassionate Therapy (1992), and The Compleat Therapist (1991), all from Jossey-Bass.
Table of Contents
Introduction: A Personal Journey Through Conflict.
Identifying What Sets You Off.
Exploring the Origins and Causes of Your Conflicts.
Allowing Yourself the Discomfort.
Taking Responsibility Without Blaming.
Committing Yourself to Act Differently.
Experimenting with Alternative Strategies.
The Positive Functions of Conflict.
Conflicts in Love.
Conflicts at Work.
When Conflicts Can't Be Resolved.