Synopses & Reviews
An invisible disease is affecting every aspect of your life. Insidious and creeping, it shapes you everyday – from the bedroom to the boardroom, from your shopping splurge, to the extra helping at your holiday dinner, to the dangerous liaison at work. It’s called emotional bullshit, and it’s encroaching on your happiness.
In Emotional Bullshit: The Hidden Plague That Is Threatening to Destroy Your Relationships – AND HOW TO STOP IT , Carl Alasko, Ph.D. sheds light on the stealth disease of Emotional BS: that is, the Toxic Trio of denial, delusion and blame that we fall back on when faced with difficult situations. These three dynamics work together to distort and manipulate truth, create a delusional reality, and shift blame when things fall apart. With the toxic trio in action, it’s all but impossible to get at the heart of the problem. The result, however, is obvious – no one can achieve happiness and fulfillment. And when used in the world of business, Emotional BS can lead to financial ruin.
In his over twenty years working with individuals, couples and families as a psychotherapist, Dr. Alasko has come to recognize the same problem underlying all his patients’ unhappiness. When confronted with an unpleasant or inconvenient reality, they fall prey to the TOXIC TRIO:
- DENIAL: “My girlfriend enjoys a ‘good time’ at parties, sure. But she doesn’t have a drinking problem.”
Decoded: There is no problem. Everything is okay. You’re exaggerating
See: the drinker, the overweight, the wallet full of maxed-out credit cards (pg 12)
- DELUSION: “Working late isn’t a problem. My family will understand when I get that big promotion.”
Decoded: I’ll tell you what’s true. Don’t believe what you see – believe me.
See: the demanding boss, the neglected partner, the alienated friend (pgs 63, 138)
- BLAME: “She knew I hated sloppiness when she married me. Why can’t she pick up after herself?”
Decoded: You’re the problem. I was forced to do it; I had no choice.
See: the clean freak, sub-prime mortgages, Napoleon Bonaparte (pgs 45, 84)
When the Toxic Trio works together, we become stuck in a cycle of emotional BS, preventing us from moving on or learning from our mistakes.
Emotional bullshit’s pervasiveness in society can be found everywhere, from rising divorce rates, weight gain, and debt, to angry outbursts at work, loss of control over our children, and a lack of fulfillment in our lives. The solution is deceptively simple: You focus on your Core Needs, which is any behavior that advances your long-term best interest, and ask yourself the Master Question—“What do I need from this situation?”. Honestly addressing the larger issue – not just in the short term – cuts the BS in every relationship: between friends, co-workers, couples, in parenting and especially in business.
Frank, concise and unapologetic, EMOTIONAL BULLSHIT sheds light on this hidden plague, and provides concrete advice to keep it from infiltrating your relationships.
You know what your IQ* is.
You may even know what your EIQ** is.
But do you know what your EBSQ*** is?
* INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT
** EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT
*** EMOTIONAL BULLSHIT QUOTIENT
An invisible plague is wreaking havoc on human relationships. What is this destructive force? Emotional Bullshit.
In this groundbreaking book, clinical psychologist Dr. Carl Alasko contends that bullshit is everywhere and its getting stronger and more hazardous to our psychological well-being every day. From the highest precincts of commerce and politics to the most average, everyday conversations, were all affected by its toxicity. And yet most of us remain largely unaware of its influence. Alasko explains that this is because EBS is inspired by three interlocking dynamics inherent to our psychological structure: denial, delusion, and blame. Referred to by Alasko as the Toxic Trio, they work together in an intricate dance in which first a truth is denied, then delusion creates an alternate truth, and finally blame is shifted to someone else.
Drawing on extensive case studies from his private practice over the past twenty years, Alasko reveals that whether its a casual I forgot, or a premeditated deception, Emotional Bullshit always erodes trust and drives people apart. Absolutely no one is safe from its ruinous effects. The number-one New York Timesbestselling book On Bullshit familiarized the public with the philosophy of bullshitand the humor that can surround it. This book tackles something that isnt really that funny at all: how Emotional Bullshit is destroying peoples relationships and, in turn, their lives. Emotional Bullshit outlines a path for recognizing and breaking free from this most vicious of cycles.
Drawing on extensive case studies from his private practice over the past 20 years, Alasko reveals that whether it's a casual I forgot, or a premeditated deception, lack of personal responsibility and an inability to accept its consequences erodes trust and drives people apart.
This simple, straightforward guide to effective communication is for anyone who has ever wanted to eat their words.”
Do you ever feel that your words produce the exact opposite effect of what you were hoping forescalating tensions rather than solving problems? Author of Emotional Bullshit Carl Alasko has found that with the right guidance, anyone can learn effective communication skills. In Say This, Not That, Alasko presents readers with simple instructions for what to say . . . and what not to say. Accompanying each pair of statements is a brief discussion of what makes one so negative and destructive, and the other inviting of the kind of discussion needed. This book is the ultimate resource for anyone who longs to consistently say the right thing at the right time.
About the Author
Carl Alasko, Ph.D. has been a practicing psychotherapist specializing in couples and families for over twenty years. For the past thirteen years he has written a weekly advice column, "On Relationships", for the Monterey County Herald, which has consistently been one of the Herald's most popular columns. He has also given numerous lectures on the topic of healthy relationships and has hosted a popular advice radio show. Married and the father of four children, he lives in Monterey, California.