Synopses & Reviews
Get this:
Cronus liked to eat babies.
Narcissus probably should have just learned to masturbate.
Odin got construction discounts with bestiality.
Isis had bad taste in jewelry.
Ganesh was the very definition of an unplanned pregnancy.
And Abraham was totally cool about stabbing his kid in the face.
All our lives, weve been fed watered-down, PC versions of the classic myths. In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified
wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory OBrien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words.
Skeptical? Here are a few more gems to consider:
Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed.
The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone.
The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties
on the corpses of their enemies.
The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace.
And theres more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.
Review
Praise for Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes and#8220;I was giggling by the first page and full blown LOLing by the first myth. Itand#8217;s really that funny.and#8221;
and#8211;Electric Feast
and#160;
and#8220;It is in fact the not-so-delicate, in-your-face attitude, sarcasm, and black humor that have made this book an instant standout against the other mythology chronicles of its time.and#8221;
and#8211;The Blue and Gold
Synopsis
PREPARE TO BE BEAKED BY THE MAJESTIC EAGLE OF HISTORY Most of us are familiar with the greatest hits and legendary heroes of US history. In George Washington Is Cash Money, Cory O'Brien, author of Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, does away with the pomp and circumstance and calls America's history what it is: one long, violent soap opera. In his signature clever, crude, and cuss-ridden style, O'Brien reminds us that:
- Teddy Roosevelt stopped bullets with his manly chest
- Harriet Tubman avoided danger by having prophetic seizures.
- Joseph Smith invented Mormonism by staring into a hat full of rocks.
- Billy the Kid was finally defeated by the smell of fresh bacon.
And there's plenty more Star Spangled stupidity where that came from.
Synopsis
From Apache creation myths and Christopher Columbusand#8217;s STD-ridden arrival on the shores of America, to Elvis, the Mole People, and Roswell, a humorous look at the seminal events and legends in US history. In
and#160;George Washington Is Cash Money, readers will learn the absolutely true stories of:
- The UFO at Roswell was a weather balloon--patched up with floral-print scotch tape.
- The Salem Witch trials happened because a couple of teens wanted attention.
- Joseph Smith invented Mormonism by staring into a hat full of rocks.
- Elvis Presley watched up to three TVs at once, and changed channels by shooting them with guns.
About the Author
Cory O'Brienand#160;is a word-wizard and technojester of the first degree. He reads and writes mythology, science fiction, and computer code. He has camped with gypsies, juggled for food, and driven across the country in a car powered by vegetable oil. Now he lives in Chicago, where he recently graduated with an MFA in writing from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Cory's dream is to one day travel to Mars, or at least to own a jacket made entirely of pockets.