Synopses & Reviews
Life was tragic enough before this spring started. With a distinct lack of boobage and an arse so big that birds of prey could nest within its shadows, Jess Jordan is saddled with the Goddess Flora for a best friend, a Britney Spears look-alike so gorgeous that one grain of her divine dandruff could make the blind see again. Jess knows that her soul mate is Ben Jones, a divine mixture of Leonardo diCaprio, Prince William, and Brad Pitt who oozes mystery and charisma. But the campaign to get Ben to notice her brings on a cavalcade of mortification and disaster, including, but not limited to, a minestrone soup explosion that takes place in her bra and a schoolwide viewing of a videotape that features a topless Jess referring to her breasts as “Bonnie” and “Clyde.”
Meanwhile, Jesss death-obsessed Granny moves into her bedroom, along with her grandfathers remains; her hypochondriac dad, who sends her daily “horrorscopes” like “You will fall asleep with your mouth open, and a family of earwigs will move in,” acts strange about Jess staying with him this summer; and her longtime friend Fred, a television violence addict and closet thumbsucker, has decided that he cant stand being around her. Jess is determined to make things right . . . but with her offbeat sense of humor and her wildly active imagination, things get complicated along the way.
From the Hardcover edition.
"Sure to leave readers in stitches, Limb's (Come Back, Grandma) account of a British girl's mishaps and humiliations follows a protagonist who resembles a teenage Bridget Jones. The novel, told in a third-person narrative, gets into the psyche of Jess Jordan, who describes herself as "girl, fifteen, charming, but insane, huge bum, massive ears" and compares herself to her all-too-perfect best friend, Flora Barclay ('Somehow the birds never pooed on Flora's house. It was a sign that the Barclay family were the Chosen Ones'). While good luck comes as easily to Flora as good looks, Jess thinks of herself as hopelessly flawed (especially her chest, which she describes as 'the kind of featureless plain upon which airports are constructed'). Her attempt to enhance her bust line-by fashioning silicone-like bags from minestrone soup-fails miserably when a lecherous schoolmate causes one of the bags to explode at a party. Jess flees to the bathroom where, she later learns, a hidden video camera captures her clean-up efforts. On the bright side, Jess has a kind of guardian angel in Fred Parsons, a scraggly-haired classmate whom Jess takes for granted. Unfortunately, by the time Jess realizes her true feelings for Fred, she may have lost him to Flora. In this fast-paced slice-of-life novel, Jess emerges as 'everyteen,' jealous of her best friend's virtues, critical of her own shortcomings and seeking goals that often turn out not to be what she wanted. Most readers will see a little of themselves in Jesse as she rides waves of disaster and manages to stay afloat. Ages 10-up." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)
Reminiscent of "Bridget Jones's Diary," this first novel of a trilogy introduced teenager Jess Jones, her best friend, the gorgeous Flora, and a host of other wacky characters that breathe life in this story of teenage angst.
About the Author
s writing career started in London around 1980, with various assignments for magazines and newspapers, and her first radio work, Big and Little
, which won a Sony Award for Best Childrens Programme.
Her childrens books include Big and Little, China Lee, Me Jane, Big Trouble, and Mr Loopy and Mrs Snoopy. Come Back, Grandma is published by Random House UK and was shortlisted for the Smarties Prize. The author lives in England.
From the Hardcover edition.