Synopses & Reviews
Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. There's a new threat in town--and it's only twelve inches tall. "How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack" is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome.
About the Author
Introduction . . . . . 1
Part 1 Assess
1. Are You at Risk? . . . . . 7
2. Suspicious Activity . . . . . 11
3. Recognizing Communication . . . . . 21
Part 2 Protect
4. Passive Fortification—Area Denial . . . . . 31
5. Gnomeproofing Your Exterior—Access Denial . . . . . 39
6. Gnomeproofing Your Interior—Internal Defense . . . . . 47
Part 3 Defend
7. Ten Tips That Could Save Your Life . . . . . 59
8. Their Arsenal . . . . . 67
9. Your Arsenal . . . . . 73
Part 4 Apply
10. Mortal Combat . . . . . 87
11. Gnome Roam No More . . . . . 95
Acknowledgments . . . . . 106
Table of Contents
Move over zombies and adolescent vampires.
There’s a new threat in town—and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it’s here.
Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system—Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply—for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and—in the event that a secured perimeter is breached—confronting and combating the attackers at close range.