Synopses & Reviews
It's only natural to want to avoid making mistakes, but imperfection is a part of being human. And while perfectionists are often praised for their abilities, being constantly anxious about details can hold you back and keep you from reaching your full potential.
In this fully revised and updated second edition of When Perfect Isn't Good Enough, you'll discover the root cause of your perfectionism, explore the impact of perfectionism on your life, and find new, proven-effective coping skills to help you overcome your anxiety about making mistakes. This guide also includes tips for dealing with other perfectionists and discussions about how perfectionism is linked to worry, depression, anger, social anxiety, and body image. As you complete the exercises in this book, you'll find it easier and easier to keep worries at bay and enjoy life — imperfections and all.
This book has been awarded The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Self-Help Seal of Merit — an award bestowed on outstanding self-help books that are consistent with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) principles and that incorporate scientifically tested strategies for overcoming mental health difficulties. Used alone or in conjunction with therapy, our books offer powerful tools readers can use to jump-start changes in their lives.
Review
"Cavaiola and Lavender have done it again! They have given us another perfect combination of psychological science and real-life applications to provide a highly readable guide to living and working with people who drive us crazy. Alive with examples and suggestions, this book is not only perfect for counselors and therapists, but also for anyone who deals with controlling perfectionists at home or on the job.”
Richard Ponton, PhD, associate professor at Georgian Court University in Lakewood, New Jersey
Review
Impossible to Please is a candid, informative, and thought-provoking study of the controlling perfectionist. Lavender and Cavaiola illuminate our understanding of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder while providing suggested actions for dealing effectively with these individuals at home, at work, and in the community.”
Suzanne D. Mudge, PhD, associate professor and program coordinator of counseling and guidance at Texas A&M University
Review
After being in managerial and leadership positions for over 40 years, I wish I could say that I never had to deal with a perfectionist personality. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I have had experiences with toxic coworkers and, to say the least, they were indeed troublesome. Drs. Lavender and Cavaiolas first book, Toxic Coworkers, was of great help during these trying times. Like their other books, Impossible to Please is filled with wisdom and insights into this challenging area. I strongly recommend this most practical and applicable book.”
Louis A. Scheidt, PE, PP, president and CEO of Innovative Engineering, Inc.
Review
"An excellent description of perfectionism and its self-sabotaging disadvantages. Presents many efficient and effective cognitive-behavioral methods for dealing with and minimizing this affliction. Quite practical and thorough—but nicely flexible and unperfectionistic!"
—Albert Ellis, Ph.D., president of the Albert Ellis Institute in New York City and author of A Guide to Rational Living
Review
"All of us know someone who is a perfectionist and most of us have joked about it at one time or another. For some it can be a useful trait that ensures some organization in a disorganized world. But for those individuals coping with too much perfectionism, it can be a curse that takes the pleasure out of life and in some cases can lead to severe anxiety disorders. Now two leading mental health practitioners and clinical scientists provide up-to-date, scientifically validated skills for overcoming perfectionism and regaining control of one's life. This long overdue book should relieve much suffering and enhance functioning for the millions of individuals dealing with excessive perfectionism."
—David H. Barlow, Ph.D., professor of psychology and director of the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University
Review
"When Perfect Isn't Good Enough surpasses any of the other books on perfectionism in quality and scope. Antony and Swinson have synthesized what we know about perfectionism and used it to create the first well-integrated approach to reduce the suffering caused by it. The chapters clearly define perfectionism and provide concrete steps to master this demon. Final chapters focus on how perfectionism can manifest itself in other disorders, demonstrating how pernicious this phenomenon can be—and why such a book is so essential. This book will be invaluable to people suffering from perfectionism and to the therapists trying to help them."
—Randy O. Frost, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Smith College in Northampton, MA
Review
"Anyone whose life predicament includes dealing with a narcissist will bewell-advised to read Wendy Behary’s book and heed her advice. Disarming theNarcissist offers sound suggestions and keen insights—a breakthrough in oneof psychology's toughest cases."
—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence
Review
"...a valuable contribution to the growing self-help literature on the fascinating subject of narcissism. Behary takes the reader step-by-step through a process of understanding our personal triggers to the wounding inherent in narcissistic relations and then lays out a pathway for personal empowerment and change."
—Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, author of Why Is It Always About You?
Review
"This is a timely and important book. Wendy Behary offers a uniquely well-articulated exploration of the complexities of living with a narcissist, conveyed in a clear and elegant writing style. Disarming the Narcissist provides a treasure of insightful observations and strategies to help those working or living with a narcissist. Behary’s wisdom and warm humanity, together with her wide understanding and successful integration of interpersonal neurobiology and schema therapy, provides a fresh perspective that will help the reader make sense of relationships that often seem so confusing and give them tools to do something about it. I recommend this book heartily. "
—Marion F. Solomon, Ph.D., author of Narcissism and Intimacy and Lean on Me
Review
"For the practicing clinician there is perhaps no other group of clients more difficult to work with or that generates more fear and feelings of inadequacy than narcissists. In Disarming the Narcissist , Behary has provided both the theoretical knowledge and practical advice necessary for clinicians to understand, empathize and, thus, help this challenging group of clients and their partners. Her “disarmingly” straightforward, accessible style and impressive clinical experience make this a very valuable book indeed."
—William M. Zangwill, Ph.D., director of EMDR Associates
Review
"Behary is an exceptionally perceptive, compassionate, and creative clinician and an outstanding teacher. I have always found her immersed at the cutting edge of clinical science and practice. It has been both a privilege and an inspiration to watch her vision and clinical contributions evolve. These remarkable qualities are clearly evident in her new book, which I have no doubt will make a major contribution. It will bring anyone who deals with narcissism fully up to date with the latest our field has to offer, articulated in clear, poignant, and practical terms. "
—George Lockwood, Ph.D., director of the Schema Therapy Institute Midwest in Kalamazoo, MI
Review
“Toxic Coworkers helps us make sense of work relationships that defy logic and consume our day. It is the perfect tool to help us understand and manage difficult people, the result of which is increased productivity and decreased frustration on the job.”
– Heidi Remak, M.A., CEAP, Manager, EAP, Lucent Technologies
Review
“In the tradition of Robert Ringer’s Winning Through Intimidation and Wayne Dyer’s Your Erroneous Zones, Cavaiola and Lavender have made a big leap forward in showing how important psychological insights and principles can be readily applied to everyday problems in the workplace. From now on I’ll be handing frustrated employees, administrators, and executives a copy of Toxic Coworkers, an dI’ll feel confident that they will have a powerful tool for dealing with the dysfunctional people and warped behavior they encounter on the job.”
—Dr. Robert J. Phillips, President, Corporate Extension Services, Providing Organizational Development, Team-building, Personnel Problem Resolutions, and Executive Coaching
Synopsis
From the authors of Toxic Coworkers comes Impossible to Please, a guide to communicating with and understanding coworkers, partners, and family members who are stubborn, critical, perfectionistic, and judgmental. These qualities are associated with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD).
Synopsis
Everyone knows someone who is impossible to please, critical, judgmental, picky, and stubbornly closed-minded. These are symptoms of a disorder called obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), but its common for people to have subclinical levels of some or all of these qualities. Most of the time, its best to avoid the difficult to please person, but what happens when he or she is a close family member, coworker, or even a spouse? Its still possible to maintain a positive relationship with the right tools. Impossible to Please, written by the authors of Toxic Coworkers, is a manual for dealing with these difficult people without sitting through stressful arguments, vicious insults and attacks, and passive-aggressive behavior. It empowers readers to take charge of the relationship and regain their dignity and confidence in interactions with these individuals.
This book features specific strategies that are immediately effective when conversing with critical people and explains how readers can respond to unfair blame without becoming angry or overly defensive. By setting boundaries, improving communication, and asserting themselves, readers learn to deal with the impossible to please in romantic relationships, friendships, family, and work relationships.
Synopsis
This revised and updated edition of When Perfect Isn't Good Enough offers the benefits of the latest research to readers who dread making mistakes and feel that nothing they do is quite good enough.
Synopsis
Disarming the Narcissist is a step-by-step guide to treating and communicating with narcissists with compassion and empathy in a way that still preserves the reader's personal boundaries and sanity.
Synopsis
How can you handle the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. You might need to interact with some of them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one-so sometimes it just doesn't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments. Disarming the Narcissist offers a host of effective strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe.
Disarming the Narcissist will show you how to move past the narcissist's defenses using compassionate, empathetic communication. You'll learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, oftentimes, it's sad and lonely being a narcissist. By learning to anticipate and avoid certain hot-button issues, you'll be able to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you'll find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. Finally, you'll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.
Synopsis
This juicy read is the first book that shows readers how to identify and effectively deal with a coworker who has a full-fledged personality disorder.
Synopsis
We’ve all worked with someone “difficult,” someone who could always be trusted to blow up to space out or do or say something wildly inappropriate. As it happens, those of us who concluded “the guy’s just nuts” were right: a fair number of those impossible-to-get-along-with employees actually do have full-fledged personality disorders. In Toxic Coworkers, the authors help us to recognize a variety of common personality traits and disorders, understand how they come about, and learn to develop effective strategies for dealing with them. So the next time the narcissist who runs the front desk is bugging you, or you need to squeeze a favor out of the schizoid who handles inventory, you’ll know exactly what to do.
About the Author
Martin M. Antony, PhD, is professor and chair in the department of psychology at Ryerson University in Toronto, Canada. He is also director of research at the Anxiety Treatment and Research Centre at St. Joseph’s Healthcare, Hamilton, Ontario, and a past president of the Canadian Psychological Association. An award-winning researcher, Antony is coauthor of
The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook,
When Perfect Isn't Good Enough, and more than 25 other books. His research, writing, and clinical practice focus is on cognitive behavioral therapy and the treatment of anxiety disorders. He has been widely quoted in the American and Canadian media.Richard P. Swinson, MD, is professor emeritus and past chair of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioural Neurosciences at McMaster University in Hamilton, ON, Canada. He is also medical director of the Anxiety Treatment and Research Centre and past psychiatrist-in-chief at Joseph's Healthcare, also in Hamilton. He is a fellow of the Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada, the American Psychiatric Association, and the Royal College of Psychiatrists UK. He was awarded an inaugural fellowship of the Canadian Psychiatric Association in 2006.
His research interests lie in the theory, assessment and treatment of anxiety disorders, particularly obsessive-compulsive disorder and social anxiety disorder. He has published more than 180 peer-reviewed papers, thirty book chapters, and eight books. Dr. Swinson has held numerous research grants since 1966 and has been an invited speaker at many conferences around the world on anxiety disorders and substance use disorders. He also chaired the steering committee for the Canadian Anxiety Treatment Guidelines Initiative, leading to the publication of Canadian Clinical Practice Guidelines for the Management of Anxiety Disorders in 2006.