INTRODUCTION
Youve got to take the bull by the teeth. movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn
Whoa, Sam, you could lose a hand doing that! Yet here I am foolishly practicing Goldwyns malapropism, reaching right into the maw of the Bush White House to try throwing this raging bull to the ground.
Why? Because the Bushites arelet me put this as politely as I canNUTS! Bull-goose- loopy, ideological freaks, whose snorting rampages pose a threat to us all and to all we hold dear.
Oh, I can hear you thinking [Readers Alert: Its true, I have uncanny ears]: Surely he doesnt mean loopy. While the Bushites might be unusually robust, aggressive even, in the pursuit of their agenda, they are still within the bounds of Americas mainstream political thought . . . right? Its not like theyre, you know, EXTREMISTS who would try to superimpose their own Orwellian, Strangelovian, AynRandian, JerryFallwellian ideology over Americas good ol egalitarian ideals . . . right? I mean, these are rational people who just happen to be a little to the right . . . right?
No. Theyre insane. Theyre zealots totally dedicated to implementing their plutocratic, autocratic, militaristic, and imperialistic vision of Americaand its time we stopped beating around the bush about it.
How crazy are they? Consider these symptoms: Rumsfeldscowling, barking, and thrusting out his chestsees weapons of mass destruction that are not there; George himself constantly hears voices in his head telling him to cut rich peoples taxes . . . again; Ashcroft lunges from place to place, frenetically searching for more ways to protect our freedom by (follow the bouncing logic here) throttling our freedoms; and Cheney, with that fiendish grin always slashed across his face, insists that God created earth so oil companies would have something to plunder.
These people must be stopped and taken away to a very quiet, soothing place where they can no longer do harm. Think about it. In four short years, they have:
- heisted $1.3 trillion from our public treasury and doled it out to their richest campaign backers;
- defoliated our environmental protections;
- launched a class war not only against the poor but against the middle class as well;
- taken a Weedwacker to our Bill of Rights;
- sought to castrate labor unions;
- turned a $240 billion budget surplus into a $520 billion debt;
- attempted to privatize everything from the Park Service to Social Security;
- and hurled our nation into a maniacal, messianic, testosterone-driven global war to make the world safe for Halliburton.
Imagine what theyd be doing if theyd actually won the election!
Now imagine what they will be doing if they win this one . . . or if they Supreme-Court it again.
Unbelievable is a word usually reserved for breathtaking circus acts or the kind of astonishing oddities found in Ripleys Believe It or Not, but it has now become the defining term for the madness of King George the W. As Ive crisscrossed America since the Bushites took power, person after person has come forwardmouth agape, head shaking, eyes widewith yet another horror story of the mind-boggling arrogance and downright weirdness of this bunch. And every one of their stories is punctuated with Unbelievable!
Bush & Company have made the bizarre commonplace. So common that whenever theres another White House announcement of some action theyve either taken or proposed, people instinctively cringe: Oh no, here it comes again. What it is doesnt matter, for people know its going to be yet another awful step backward, another dollop of unfathomable ideological excess, and another wallop for the rest of us.
When I say people cringe, I dont merely mean yellow-dog Democrats, but also political switch-hitters, Libertarians, nonvoters, none-of-the-abovers, andgrab your stuffed elephant, George!Republicans. Not only are lots of mainstream, moderate, Rockefeller Republicans appalled by Boy Bushs wacked-out right-wing policies, but so are many Barry Goldwater conservatives. They dont think of the USA Patriot Act, profligate federal spending, unlimited war on whomever, the relentless assault on local sovereignty, the proliferation of executive secrecy, unfettered corporate welfare, et cetera, et cetera, as being conservative.
A middle-aged lady came up to me in a coffee shop this spring and said, I dont want to bother you, but I want to say that Im a lifelong Republican who thought I was a good conservative. But I didnt know what a lefty I must be until these people came into power. Who the hell are they?
Nutballs, thats who. Way beyond the fringe.
However, I do realize that a number of people are die-hard Bushites, sincerely believing W to be just a regular, pretzel-eating, hail-fellow-well-met who happens to be totally convinced that his view of the world is the absolute right viewa guy (and commander-in-chief) willing to use the full force of the presidency of the United States to muscle that view into national policy, undeterred by common sense or even facts. Aggressive leadership, they call it, and bully for George!
Well, in the interest of spirited discourse, I feel honor-bound to recognize that enthusiasm. So Ive called on a longtime personal buddya particularly proud Bushite, but one who wishes to remain anonymous in my bookto lead each chapter with his insights into why Glorious George is the best White House occupant since McKinley.
After all, George W certainly is a likable son-of-a-Bushall the more so if hes putting money in your corporate pockets. Therefore, giving credit where credit is due, Ive organized this book in a contrarian fashion, offering Six Perfectly Good Reasons to Elect George W. Bush. Fair is fair.