Synopses & Reviews
"More than many other disorders, BPD affects relationships. This book offers families and friends invaluable skills for helping both their loved one and themselves. Dr. Manning has done a beautiful job. A 'must read.'"--Perry D. Hoffman, PhD, President, National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder
"Try out the recommendations this book gives you. You will be surprised by how much better your relationships become."--from the Foreword by Marsha M. Linehan, PhD, Director, Behavioral Research and Training Clinics, University of Washington
"The title says it all! Dr. Manning explains what she has learned about the true nature of BPD from the experts themselves--those who have the disorder. She shows family and friends how our instinctive responses to the crises associated with BPD are frequently ineffective or even harmful, and illuminates what we can do differently, providing practical, incisive, step-by-step guidance. We highly recommend this book."--Jim and Diane Hall, parents of an adult child with BPD and Family Educators for the National Alliance on Mental Illness and the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder
"This hopeful yet realistic book is an indispensable tool for managing relationships with persons who have borderline personality disorder. Research based, clearly written, and practical, this guide to a complex disorder is highly recommended."--Library Journal
"An extremely useful and highly readable guide....Manning paints vivid portraits of how an encounter with someone with this affliction might go....It has offered me, as a therapist, plenty of ideas....[An] aid to understanding and humanizing a complex condition."--Human Givens
“Manning's own background equips her well to provide this self-help resource. Manning trained in DBT under Marsha Linehan and has accumulated a wealth of experience working clinically with people with BPD. She makes frequent reference to DBT throughout the book, but her major achievement is to translate DBT principles and methods into practical steps and advice that are accessible to a lay person….The techniques of mindfulness, awareness of emotional triggers, validation and others can be usefully integrated into many areas of clinical practice, especially for clinicians advising supporters of people with BPD….A clearly written and accessible guide that deserves to be widely read, and which should be available to lay members of the public and to health professionals.”--Metapsychology Online Reviews
People with BPD can be compassionate, caring, smart, and funny, but they are also prone to explosive emotional outbursts and highly self-destructive acts. BPD expert Dr. Shari Manning helps overwhelmed loved ones understand why their spouse, adult child, or other family member acts so "impossible"—and learn to respond differently. She presents simple yet powerful strategies that can radically transform a troubled relationship. Loads of true stories demonstrate ways to defuse crises, set limits, and help the person with BPD build crucial problem-solving and emotion-management skills. Empathic, hopeful, and science based, this is the first book for significant others grounded in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), the most effective treatment for BPD. Dr. Manning is a longtime associate of DBT originator Marsha M. Linehan.
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be intensely caring, warm, smart, and funnybut their behavior often drives away those closest to them. If you're struggling in a tumultuous relationship with someone with BPD, this is the book for you. Dr. Shari Manning helps you understand why your spouse, family member, or friend has such out-of-control emotionsand how to change the way you can respond. Learn to use simple yet powerful strategies that can defuse crises, establish better boundaries, and radically transform your relationship. Empathic, hopeful, and science based, this is the first book for family and friends grounded in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), the most effective treatment for BPD.
About the Author
Shari Y. Manning, PhD, is a clinician in private practice and the former President/CEO of Behavioral Tech and Behavioral Tech Research, the organizations founded by Marsha M. Linehan to provide training in DBT. Dr. Manning has focused on the treatment of people with BPD since 1993. She lives in Columbia, South Carolina.
Table of Contents
Foreword, Marsha M. Linehan
Introduction I. Understanding Your Loved One and Your Relationship
1. “Why Do I Feel So Lost in This Relationship?” 2. What Makes Someone So Emotional? 3. The Hidden Power of Validation 4. Five Steps to Balanced Responses and Better Outcomes II. The Many Faces of Borderline Personality Disorder
5. "I Can't Stand Feeling Like This!" 6. "It Was All My Fault" 7. "You Have to Fix This for Me!" 8. "Things Are Awful . . . but Don't Worry; I'm Handling It" 9. "Why Do Terrible Things Keep Happening to Me?" 10. "Nothing's Wrong—I'm Fine" III. Dealing with Crisis and Getting Help
11. Handling Your Own Difficult Emotions 12. Understanding Self-Harm/Suicide and Making Decisions about Hospitalization 13. Getting Treatment and SupportResources