Synopses & Reviews
Lori Gottlieb discusses Marry Him in a video on The Atlantic website. You have a fulfilling job, a great group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven't found The One just yet. Surely he'll come along, right?
But what if he doesn't? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn't realize it?
Suddenly finding herself forty and single, Lori Gottlieb said the unthinkable in her March 2008 article in The Atlantic: Maybe she and single women everywhere, needed to stop chasing the elusive Prince Charming and instead go for Mr. Good Enough.
Looking at her friends' happy marriages to good enough guys who happen to be excellent husbands and fathers, Gottlieb declared it time to reevaluate what we really need in a partner. Her ideas created a firestorm of controversy from outlets like the Today show to The Washington Post, which wrote, "Given the perennial shortage of perfect men, Gottlieb's probably got a point," to Newsweek and NPR, which declared, "Lori Gottlieb didn't want to take her mother's advice to be less picky, but now that she's turned forty, she wonders if her mother is right." Women all over the world were talking. But while many people agreed that they should have more realistic expectations, what did that actually mean out in the real world, where Gottlieb and women like her were inexorably drawn to their "type"?
That's where Marry Him comes in.
By looking at everything from culture to biology, in Marry Him Gottlieb frankly explores the dilemma that so many women today seem to face--how to reconcile the strong desire for a husband and family with a list of must-haves so long and complicated that many great guys get rejected out of the gate. Here Gottlieb shares her own journey in the quest for romantic fulfillment, and in the process gets wise guidance and surprising insights from marital researchers, matchmakers, dating coaches, behavioral economists, neuropsychologists, sociologists, couples therapists, divorce lawyers, and clergy--as well as single and married men and women, ranging in age from their twenties to their sixties.
Marry Him is an eye-opening, often funny, sometimes painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape, and ultimately, a provocative wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right.
"Building on her Atlantic article, 40-something single mom Gottlieb (Stick Figure) sought the advice of matchmakers, dating coaches, clergy, economists, and psychologists in her quest for a husband. She learned that women today bring a dangerous sense of entitlement to dating. Instead, Gottlieb says, women need to be more open-minded and realistic, and just choose the best available option when it comes to a mate and appreciate him. Although familiar, the advice doled out also makes good sense, and Gottlieb is personable and appealing." Publishers Weekly (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)
is a frank and funny read, weaving real people's stories with Gottlieb's own experiences, and containing sharp examinations of how society and culture-everything from When Harry Met Sally
to The Bachelor
-come into play when modern women look for love."
-The New York Observer
"A provocative pop culture treatise... she encourages us to think through our own beliefs and unexamined assumptions."
-The Chicago Tribune
"A funny cautionary tale of one woman's journey through the modern landscape of dating."
"A well-conceived and convincing argument on how to find a more realistic Mr. Right. If you've ever sought your own Prince Charming, your love life will never be the same again. And that's a good thing."
-Christian Science Monitor
"A sensible plea to discard the toxic fantasy of romantic comedies and think realistically about what makes a solid partnership."
"This impeccably researched tome is mandatory reading."
-The Huffington Post
"Funny and relatable... anything but antiromance."
"This is the smartest relationship book I've read in years."
"The buzz surrounding Lori Gottlieb's newest book, Marry Him, is well- deserved... She writes with honesty and hope, and there are many people who will benefit from reading this book."
"An unexpected delight. Honest and darkly comic... the truth can be liberating."
-The New York Times
"Marry Him is surprisingly, unnervingly convincing."
-O, The Oprah Magazine
"In business, 'good enough' is often 'very good'. So why should we expect-and demand-perfection in dating and marriage?"
"The buzz surrounding Lori Gottlieb's newest book, Marry Him, is well- deserved...She writes with honesty and hope, and there are many people who will benefit from reading this book."
"I wish I could round up every single woman I know and assign this book for discussion. Gottlieb helps women see how our cultural or private fantasies build up so many expectations that they destroy the possibility of real love and, eventually, marriage. Marry Him is a big fat lesson in how not to get in your own way. Any woman who wants to find true love and hasn't been able to should read this book."
-Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com
"What Gottlieb is saying isn't subversive--it's smart. A thoroughly entertaining reality check, it will make single women laugh and squirm, and married people appreciate their spouses even more."
-Diablo Cody, Academy Award-winning Screenwriter of Juno
"Finally, here's a cautionary tale for anyone wondering why she hasn't found Mr. Right--with a hopeful message about the Mr. Right Nows, the Mr. Close Enoughs, and even the Mr. What the F*#%s."
-Jill Soloway, writer and executive producer for Six Feet Under
"Engaging, hilarious, brutally honest and eye-opening! Marry Him is an encouraging story about finding love by getting real."
-Rachel Greenwald, New York Times bestselling author of Find a HUsband After 35
"This is a daring and wise book. Gottlieb tells it like it is: In our modern world of excuses, too many of us have unrealistic expectations about men and love, and even more unrealistic views of ourselves. Women (and men) should take Gottlieb's message to heart: 'Look for reasons to say yes.' It could change your life."
-Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Rutgers University and author of Why Him? Why Her?
"I have been very happily married for many years, and if my daughters ever ask me for advice about potential spouses, I plan to pass off a lot of what's in this book as my own sage wisdom."
-Kurt Anderson, New York Times bestselling author of Heyday and host of public radio's Studio 360
"Marry Him shows women how to find true happiness when seeking love--by giving them a new way to look at the world. Gottlieb manages to be hilarious yet thought-provoking, light-hearted yet profound on the questions of: Why do we fall in love? What qualities really matter in a marriage? For what reasons do we make the decisions that affect our whole lives? Like provocative realationship classics such as The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You, Marry Him will set people talking for years."
-Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project
"Lori Gottlieb's smart, insightful, witty observations gleaned on her own unusual romantic path signal and important new voice in single-girl lit. The Rules turned single women needy, He's Just Not That Into You made them depresed, and Marry Him finally sets them free, preaching that in the long run, 'good enough' might be better than great."
-Amy Sohn, author of Prospect Park West
"Marry Him is a treasure. A must-read on getting the male and female brain together in almost perfect harmony.'
-Louann Brizendine, New York Times bestselling author of The Female Brain and the upcoming The Male Brain
"By telling you to read Lori Gottlieb's incisive and insightful book, I hope I can make up for all the unrealistic romantic propaganda I had a hand in spreading as a former editor at a glossy women's magazine. For anyone who is single but looking, the surprising truths in Marry Him go against just about everything we've been brought up to believe about dating and marriage."
-Megan McCafferty, New York Times bestselling author of the Jessica Darling series
When Lori Gottlieb found herself forty and still single, she came to an uncomfortable realization. If so many of her friends were very happily married to good enough guys, the type of men who might not make you weak in the knees but made great partners and fathers, maybe she had been approaching her dating life completely wrong. If she hadn't found Mr. Right, maybe she'd been focused on the wrong things. Could her Mr. Right have been, well, right in front of her all along?
In the March 2008 issue of The Atlantic, she asked, Would you rather hold out for Prince Charming and risk that he'll never show up, or be more realistic and share your life with a guy who'll make a good teammate in the trenches of family life? Lori Gottlieb argued for the latter. The furor that erupted was immediate, with coverage in media outlets as varied as Today, NPR, and The Wall Street Journal. Some accused her of setting feminism back decades; others spoke warmly of marriages in which love grew slowly over time. Men complained that women were too picky; women believed they were entitled to be picky. Clearly, she had touched a nerve.
The most common response came from women who said that they couldn't seem to meet the right guy, and just weren't feeling it with the nice guys they'd met. How important was it? How, they wondered, do you separate compromising from settling? In Marry Him, Lori decides to find out. Along the way, she talks to marital researchers, behavioral economists, neuropsychologists, sociologists, couples therapists, divorce lawyers, matchmakers, dating coaches, and clergy about the realities of the modern dating landscape. The result is an eye-opening, brutally honest, often funny, sometimes painful journey that culminates in a redefining of romance.
In an eye-opening, brutally honest, often funny, sometimes painful journey that culminates in a redefining of romance, Gottlieb expands on her 2008 article in "The Atlantic" that explores women's acceptance of Mr. Good-Enough rather than waiting for Prince Charming.
The controversial national bestseller!
Nearly forty and single, Lori Gottlieb faced the unthinkable: she'd wasted her best years chasing an elusive Prince Charming who might not even exist. Meanwhile, her friends who'd "settled" for Mr. Good Enough ended up married to excellent husbands and fathers.
This is an eye-opening, funny, painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of modern relationships and a wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right.
About the Author
Lori Gottlieb is the author of the national bestseller Stick Figure: A Diary of My Former Self
and a journalist whose work has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, Time, People, Slate, Self, Glamour, Elle, Salon,
and the Los Angeles Times
. She is also a frequent commentator for NPR’s All Things Considered