Synopses & Reviews
"Apology changed my life. I believe it can change yours as well."Beverly Engel
Apology has a remarkable power to repair harm. It can mend relationships, dissolve anger, and heal broken hearts. It can undo the past and remake the future. This book is about the extraordinary power of apology to heal individuals, couples, and families.
While books on the subject of forgiveness abound, until now there havent been any popular books focusing on one of the most important aspects of the forgiveness processapology. In this inspiring and instructive new book from internationally acclaimed therapist and self-improvement author Beverly Engel, you will learn why apology is so important to our emotional and physical well-being and why our inability to apologize, to ask for apologies, and to accept meaningful apologies is the source of a great deal of the dysfunction and unhappiness in all aspects of our lives.
Drawing on many moving real-life stories of women and men of all agesincluding accounts from her own lifeEngel passionately demonstrates the transformative power of apology. With the help of her practical, easy-to-follow prescriptions for putting the power of apology to work in your life, youll learn how to overcome the all-too-common inability to acknowledge your errors and say youre sorry. Youll learn how to give meaningful apologies, and youll learn how to ask for apologies instead of harboring anger and distancing yourself from those who have hurt you. Youll also learn how to receive and accept meaningful apologies and move closer to forgiveness.
Engel provides dozens of innovative exercises that will help you explore your feelings and relationship issues as well as practical strategies for improving your relationships with others, including how to:
- Make amends with those you have hurt, including those with whom youve lost contact
- Understand and deal with a partner or family member who refuses to apologize
- Overcome a tendency to over-apologize
- Determine when it is best to forgive and when it is best not to forgive
- Heal your relationship with your partner through apology
- Teach children responsibility and empathy through the power of apology
- Use apology at work to improve morale and productivity
Ultimately, The Power of Apology is about more than apology. It will teach you how to become a more tolerant and compassionate human being. With this remarkable, life-changing book, you can benefit from Beverly Engels inspiring insights to bring a healing new element of renewal into every relationship in your life, including your relationship with yourself.
"In The Power of Apology, Beverly Engel looks through the eyes of both giver and receiver. She provides practical, thoughtful advice on how our everyday use of apology can transform our lives for the better."
—Ted Wachtel, coauthor of the bestselling Toughlove
"Readers of this wise and lucid guide to the neglected art of authentic apology will acquire a powerful tool to help repair relationships with others, and with themselves."
—Jeanne Safer, PhD author of Forgiving and Not Forgiving: Why Sometimes It's Better Not to Forgive
BEVERLY ENGEL has been a psychotherapist for over twenty-five years. A recognized expert in the fields of relationships, women's issues, and abuse, she is the author of fourteen books. She has been featured on Oprah, CNN, Ricki Lake, Sally Jessy Raphael, and other nationally syndicated programs.
Wilson, Ph.D., Director, The Forgiveness Web™, www.forgivenessweb.com
Wilson, Ph.D., Director, The Forgiveness Web™ , www.forgivenessweb.com
Discover the healing power of apology and put its magic to work in your life
"Beverly Engel has eloquently explained the power of apology in a remarkably insightful and perceptive manner. This book is a wise contribution to the ever-growing literature on forgiveness and reconciliation. No one has been better able to explain what an apology means and its role in reconciliation."Rabbi Charles A. Klein, Author, How to Forgive When You Cant Forget: Healing Our Personal Relationships
"Readers of this wise and lucid guide to the neglected art of authentic apology will acquire a powerful tool to help repair relationships with others and with themselves."Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., Author, Forgiving and Not Forgiving: A New Approach to Resolving Intimate Betrayal
"In The Power of Apology, Beverly Engel looks through the eyes of both giver and receiver. She provides practical, thoughtful advice on how our everyday use of apology can transform our lives for the better."Ted Wachtel, founder of Real Justice, coauthor of the bestselling Toughlove
"An engaging and in-depth book on a subject that has rarely been addressed so intelligently and thoroughly. Ms. Engel offers the reader specific suggestions that can help you improve all your relationships."Steven Farmer, M.F.T., author, Adult Children of Abusive Parents
"Apology is one of the most healing interpersonal social interactions. In The Power of Apology, Beverly Engel provides compelling evidence that apology can heal personal relationships and that it has the potential to transform families, communities, and this global village in which we live."Heather Wilson, Ph.D., Director, The Forgiveness Web™,www.forgivenessweb.com
"Fresh and useful . . . excellent practical advice . . . thorough and lucid . . . will be welcomed by many who have struggled to ask forgiveness and to forgive."
A finalist in the Books for a Better Life Awards competition!
Discover the healing power of apology and put its magic to work in your life
Do you have a difficult time apologizing or are you involved with someone who does?
Do you tend to overapologize and appear weak in others' eyes?
Do you want to reconcile with someone but feel they owe you an apology first?
Do you need to apologize or make amends to someone but don't know how to go about it?
In this inspiring book from internationally acclaimed therapist and self-improvement author Beverly Engel, you will learn why some people have difficulty apologizing while others tend to overapologize. You'll learn how to give a meaningful apology, how to ask for one, and how to receive one. From making amends with those you have hurt to dealing with someone who refuses to apologize to teaching children responsibility and empathy, this life-changing book shows you how to bring a healing new element of renewal into every relationship in your life.
"Beverly Engel has eloquently explained the power of apology in a remarkably insightful and perceptive manner. No one has been better able to explain what an apology means and its role in reconciliation."
-Rabbi Charles A. Klein, author of How to Forgive When You Can't Forget: Healing Our Personal Relationships
"Readers of this wise and lucid guide to the neglected art of authentic apology will acquire a powerful tool to help repair relationships with others and with themselves."
-Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., author of Forgiving and Not Forgiving: A New Approach to Resolving Intimate Betrayal
"An engaging and in-depth book on a subject that has rarely been addressed so intelligently and thoroughly. Ms. Engel offers the reader specific suggestions that can help you improve all your relationships."
-Steven Farmer, M.F.T., author of Adult Children of Abusive Parents
About the Author
While forgiveness has become a ubiquitous theme in spirituality, recovery and New Age philosophy, the element of apology has become conspicuously absent. Engel (The Emotionally Abused Woman), a longtime therapist, takes it up as "a cause," claiming that this healing practice can prevent divorces, family estrangements, lawsuits, and even atrocities like school shooting. Giving and receiving apologies for mistakes, oversights or offenses-which many people avoid, sometimes for legal reasons-are "crucial to our mental and physical health and well-being," she asserts. Failing to admit error and express regret "adds insult to injury" and "is one of the most blatant ways of showing disrespect," she says. Engel provides detailed information on how to make "meaningful apologies that will be heard and believed," made up of the "three R's: regret, responsibility, and remedy." She is also unusually conscious of the gray areas, where apologizing or forgiving may be inappropriate or impossible, and where "overapologizing" may reflect low self-esteem. A particularly fresh and useful chapter on the workplace offers excellent practical advice for responding to unhappy clients, customers, co-workers, employers and employees. Unfortunately, Engel devotes little attention to the difficult task of asking for apologies, after declaring that "it is your responsibility" to do so when feeling injured. Her otherwise thoughtful and lucid guide to "this important but neglected aspect of forgiveness" will be welcomed by many who have struggled to ask forgiveness and to forgive. (Aug. 24) (Publishers Weekly
Table of Contents
THE POWER OF APOLOGY.
Apology Is for Everyone.
Why Learning to Give, Receive, and Ask for Apologies Is So Important.
Why Apologizing Is Difficult for Some and Too Easy for Others.
LEARN HOW TO GIVE A MEANINGFUL APOLOGY.
The Right and Wrong Way to Apologize.
LEARN HOW TO RECEIVE AND ACCEPT APOLOGIES.
Opening the Door with Empathy.
Overcoming the Seven Obstacles to Forgiveness.
There Is a Time to Forgive--and a Time to Forget About Forgiving.
LEARN HOW TO ASK FOR AN APOLOGY.
Silence Isn't Always Golden.
TRANSFORM ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH APOLOGY.
Healing Your Relationship with Yourself.
Healing Your Past, Step 1: Make Your Apology List.
Healing Your Past, Step 2: Make Amends.
Healing Your Family When There Has Been an Estrangement.
Healing Your Marriage or Romantic Relationship.
Teach Your Children Well.
Healing Your Business Relationships Through Respect and Compassion.
Conclusion: The Apology Movement.
Appendix: Two Ideas to Consider: Apology Circles and Restorative Justice.