Synopses & Reviews
The Basis for the Movie Mean Girls
PARENTS CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN GIRL WORLD
Do you feel as though your adolescent daughter exists in a different world, speaking a different language and living by different laws? She does.
This groundbreaking book takes you inside the secret world of girls friendships, translating and decoding them, so parents can better understand and help their daughters navigate through these crucial years. Rosalind Wiseman has spent more than a decade listening to thousands of girls talk about the powerful role cliques play in shaping what they wear and say, how they feel about school, how they respond to boys, and how they feel about themselves. In this candid and insightful book, Wiseman discusses:
• Queen Bees, Wannabes, Targets, Torn Bystanders, and others: how to tell what role your daughter plays and help her be herself
• Girls power plays, from birthday invitations to cafeteria seating arrangements and illicit parties, and how to handle them
• Good popularity and bad popularity: how cliques bear on every situation
• Hip Parents, Best-Friend Parents, Pushover Parents, and others: examine your own parenting style, “Check Your Baggage,” and identify how your own background and biases affect how you relate to your daughter
• Related movies, books, websites, and organizations: a carefully annotated resources section provides opportunities to follow up on your own and with your daughter
Enlivened with the voices of dozens of girls and parents and a welcome sense of humor, Queen Bees and Wannabes is compelling reading for parents and daughters alike. A conversation piece and a reference guide, it offers the tools you need to help your daughter feel empowered and make smarter choices.
"Wiseman's straightforward humor, sound advice and practical approach make this a must-read for anyone involved in the lives of teenage girls." Publishers Weekly
"[E]xcellent....[A]dmirable, groundbreaking insight into an all-too-common issue...[this book] will be invaluable to any adult struggling to help a girl get through her teens." Gillian Engberg, Booklist
"[A] must-have....The book is remarkably clear of jargon, making it totally accessible for any reader. The tone is conversational, the advice is direct, and the insights invaluable." Teri Lesesne, VOYA
"Whos in? Whos out? Whos cool? Whos not? Why is one girl elevated to royal status and another shunned? Queen Bees and Wannabes answers these unfathomable questions and so many more. Wiseman gives parents the insight, compassion, and skill needed to guide girls through the rocky terrain of the adolescent social world. This is such an honest and helpful book; we recommend it highly." Nina Shandler, author of Ophelias Mom and Sara Shandler, author of the bestselling Ophelia Speaks
"Laced with humor, insight, and practical suggestions, Queen Bees and Wannabes is the one volume thats been missing from the growing shelf of girl-centered publications. Wiseman explains the inner workings of teen culture and teaches parents, educators, and peers how to respond." Whitney Ransome and Meg Miln Moulton, executive directors, National Coalition of Girls Schools
"Rosalind Wiseman invites us into the 'Girl World' with insight, honesty, and humor. Based on the most thorough, helpful research I know of, this book should be required reading for parents, teachers, and health professionals." Edes P. Gilbert, acting president, Independent Educational Services
"Wise, humorous, life-affirming advice for parents that is utterly respectful of girls. I recommend parents mark it up, turn the corners of pages, and heed Wisemans creative and practical strategies for guiding girls along the sometimes treacherous pathways of growing up today. Queen Bees and Wannabes is Mapquest for parents of girls, from fifth grade all the way to young adulthood." Patricia Hersch, author of A Tribe Apart: A Journey into the Heart of American Adolescence
"Wiseman cuts through wishful parental thinking with a wonderful mixture of humor, facts, girls voices, and a healthy dollop of reality. No, the harm cliques cause is not a natural fact of life. Wiseman gives us both hope and strategies to help our girls (and boys) build a more healthy, nurturing world for themselves." Joe Kelly, author, Dads and Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand and Support Your Daughter When She's Growing Up So Fast, executive director, Dads and Daughters
Queen Bees and Wannabes has already generated a storm of publicity attention. Author Rosalind Wiseman, her book, and her work with adolescent girls have been profiled in a New York Times Magazine cover story as well as on The Oprah Show, Good Morning America, and CNN. Like Reviving Ophelia, the pioneering book in this genre, Queen Bees and Wannabes now stands to enjoy its greatest success in paperback.
Includes bibliographical references (p. -327) and index.
When Rosalind Wiseman first published Queen Bees & Wannabes
, she fundamentally changed the way adults look at girls friendships and conflicts–from how they choose their best friends, how they express their anger, their boundaries with boys, and their relationships with parents. Wiseman showed how girls of every background are profoundly influenced by their interactions with one another.
Now, Wiseman has revised and updated her groundbreaking book for a new generation of girls and explores:
•How girls experiences before adolescence impact their teen years, future relationships, and overall success
•The different roles girls play in and outside of cliques as Queen Bees, Targets, and Bystanders, and how this defines how they and others are treated
•Girls power plays–from fake apologies to fights over IM and text messages
•Where boys fit into the equation of girl conflicts and how you can help your daughter better hold her own with the opposite sex
•Checking your baggage–recognizing how your experiences impact the way you parent, and how to be sanely involved in your daughters difficult, yet common social conflicts
Packed with insights about technologys impact on Girl World and enlivened with the experiences of girls, boys, and parents, the book that inspired the hit movie Mean Girls offers concrete strategies to help you empower your daughter to be socially competent and treat herself with dignity.
About the Author
'ROSALIND WISEMAN is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership.
Wiseman is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence (Crown, 2002). Twice a New York Times Bestseller, Queen Bees & Wannabes was the basis for the 2004 movie Mean Girls. In fall 2009, an updated edition of Queen Bees & Wannabes will be republished with a chapter on younger girls, insights on how technology has impacted kids social landscapes, and new commentary from girls and boys. Her follow‐up book Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads was released in 2006, and she is a monthly columnist for Family Circle magazine.
Additional publications include the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6‐12, and a forthcoming young adult novel, Boys, Girls, and Other Hazardous Materials, in stores in January 2010.
Since founding the Empower Program, a national violence‐prevention program, in 1992, Wiseman has gone on to work with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. Audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, Capital One, National Education Association, Girl Scouts, Neutrogena, Young Presidents Association, Independent School Associations and the International Chiefs of Police, as well as countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad.
National media regularly depends on Wiseman as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, bullying prevention, and school violence. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show and been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country.
Wiseman holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.'
Table of Contents
1.Cliques and popularity --2.Passport from planet parent to girl world : communication and reconnaissance --3. Thebeauty pageant : who wants to be Miss Congeniality --4.Nasty girls : teasing, gossip, and reputations --5.Power plays : group dynamics and rites of passage --6.Boy world : the judges and the judged --7.Girls meets boy : crushes, matchmaking, and the birth of fruit cup girl --8.Pleasing boys, betraying girls : when relationships get more serious --9.Parties : sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll --10.Getting help.
Reading Group Guide
1. Dads often feel when their daughters are struggling with these issues that they cant relate, but this is precisely the time for dads to shine (Chapter 2). How can women actively encourage dads and other men in girls lives to become more involved? What do women do that can discourage men from feeling that they can contribute?
2. What stops parents from talking to each other when their children are in conflict? Why do some parents feel that it is most appropriate for kids to work it out on their own? How does it make the other parent feel when they have that response?
3. Why are parents so reluctant to apologize for their childs behavior?
4. Can you think of times when you have denied your own childs wrongdoing? Why was it so hard to admit?
5. What were you teased about when you were your daughters age and how did you handle it? What group, if any, were you in? Did you ever have an experience where a friend was mean or cruel to someone else and you didnt like it, but you said nothing because you were afraid they would turn on you?
6. Why is this considered by some to be a superficial rite of passage that all girls go through? What do you think cliques and bullying teach your child? Do you see these experiences influencing the kind of woman she becomes?
7. Can extracurricular activities help girls combat the importance they place on cliques and their social status? When would these activities be helpful and when could they be just as bad if not worse?
8. Do uniforms stop the social hierarchy?
9. How does parental involvement in school help or hurt these situations?
10. What parental behavior is the most helpful and most difficult in helping girls through these experiences?
11. What kind of parent are you? How do you know? (see Chapter 2)
12. Is your behavior with friends and family (and your interactions with her friends) consistent with your parenting values?
13. What stops parents from confronting each other and what stops them from listening when they find out their child is being bullied or being a bully?