TOP FIVE LISTS
If youve read the book High Fidelity or seen the movie, even
just for the sake of John Cusack, then youve been witness to the
art of the Top Five list. Music nerds everywhere delight in making
Top Five lists of obvious, obtuse, and obscure records tailored
to every categorization of music you could possibly imagine. I
am one of those nerds. When my mind begins to wander, I think
about what albums I could listen to if I were stuck on a desert island.
(Usually this train of thought ends with the realization that
Id hate any album by the sixth straight year of listening to it.) Instead
of counting sheep to lull myself to sleep, I make a list of all
the songs I can think of about masturbation. (There are a lot.) I
keep a running tab of what I think are my favorite songs right this
minute vs. my most-played songs in iTunes vs. whats accrued at
the top of my last.fm most-played list. I cant seem to stop myself
from obsessively thinking about music.
Ive always loved music, but I wasnt always a music obsessive.
That started when I was a college student and worked at a radio
station in Dallas. I fell in with a group of music snob guys who
regularly debated topics like Blur vs. Oasis and whether Cat Power
was the cutest indie rock girl or just the craziest. The guys carried
on conversations as if they were characters straight out of High Fidelity,
constantly judging and ranking music. It was obvious they
believed Nick Hornbys adage that what you like is what youre like,
and they were judging people based on their musical taste. Girls
were generally dismissed from their reindeer games. I cant even
tell you the number of times Id heard them say obnoxious things
like, “Yeah, shes hot, but she likes Alanis Morissette, so you know
shes kind of an idiot.” I didnt want to be one of those girls who
was so easily disregarded, so I faked being knowledgeable enough
to pass muster. After listening to them make and revise their Top
Five lists, probably hundreds of times, I developed a list of shortcuts
for making a Top Five artists list. As time went on I added
requirements of my own, and before long I had a cheater guide
that helped me narrow in on my Top Five. When I dont have the
whole history of released music at my fingertips, it makes my listmaking
more manageable, and the guidelines force me to take an
analytical look at my music collection.
These are strictly my rules, so if you feel like adding new criteria
or ignoring one of my standards to better reflect your own taste,
knock yourself out.
Except #3. Do not ignore rule #3. Youll see why.
The most important thing is that your Top Five list reflects
your favorites and not what you think someone wants to hear. Dare
to be uncool.
Heres my Top Five artists list right now:
1. Elvis Costello — British post-punk artist who
developed into a multi-genre music maven
2. R.E.M. — A thens, Georgia, college rock band that paved
the way for indie-to-mainstream success
3. Sleater-Kinney — Portland, Oregon, riot grrrl rock
band with a feminist agenda
4. Stevie Nicks — 70s and 80s songwriter with the
worlds most amazing stage costumes
5. Fiona Apple — the songwriting port in a world full of
breakup storms
Heres how I got there . . .
Rule #1: You must own all the full-length albums
released by any artist in your Top Five.
The exceptions to this rule: greatest hits albums and anything
youve deemed to be a low point in an artists career. I see no reason
to clog up your record collection with either. Completists everywhere
just hissed through their teeth at me, but why would you
own a record you dont enjoy, or multiple copies of songs you already
have? For decoration? When music collecting becomes obsessive-
compulsive disorder, its time for a new hobby.
I was late in discovering Elvis Costello, both late in my life and
late in his career. I think the first time I heard of him was when I
saw his video for “Veronica.” It was inexplicable to me in 1989, the
halcyon days of Debbie Gibson and Poison, why the video for “Veronica”
was on MTV so often. Costello seemed old even then, and
his video was set in a nursing home, so in my eyes it didnt hold a
candle to Madonnas video for “Express Yourself.” The video got
less airplay than Madonnas, or even Paula Abduls, but he walked
away with the 1989 Best Male Video award for “Veronica,” because
respect for the man was due. (Paul McCartney co-wrote the
song, so double the respect.) The melody was catchy, but the lyrics
were a mystery, and I memorized them all wrong. I couldnt figure
out what he was talking about, because the idea of a pop song
about an old lady with Alzheimers was unfathomable and unrelatable
to me at age twelve.
After “Veronica” in my discovery of Elvis Costello came “Alison,”
which had actually been released twelve years earlier — yes,
the same year I was born. I grew to love this one while listening
to my parents Elvis Costello greatest hits album, and if you dont
know it, I recommend you buy it immediately. His unforgettable
delivery of the line “My aim is true” is a knee-buckler — the sort of
bittersweet sentiment that I dream of a guy writing for me in some
tragic soap-opera scenario where we cant be together.
My family and I were big perpetrators of the Columbia House
scam. It was a great way to build a collection, considering that my
allowance was a mere $5 a week. We would all constantly join,
leave, and rejoin various mail-order companies that offered eight
albums for a penny if you bought three at full price. In college I
ordered The Very Best of Elvis Costello & the Attractions from one
of those clubs and found myself really getting into his clever lyrics.
His songs are so easy to fall in love with.
I went to the next level of Costello fandom when I bought the
Rhino re-issue of This Years Model. It was in the dead of winter at
the beginning of 2002. I had recently moved into an apartment in
Brooklyn and was consumed by a long-distance flirtation with a
boy in a band who lived in Dallas. He mailed me a loaf of honey
wheat bread (which was impossible to find in New York City) and
a packet of forget-me-not flower seeds, and he called me on the
phone nearly every day. I was totally crushed out. A few months
later, when his band toured through town, he explained to me that
it all meant nothing, that he was just a flirtatious person, and suggested
we should just be friends. It was infuriating, and I hated
him for stringing me along. Listening to the first track of This
Years Model, “No Action,” while stomping the cold, mile-long
walk from the subway through the housing project near my apartment
was the only time I felt like a rational, thinking person rather
than a girl who had been turned into a chump and who secretly
still had a little crush. Its frustrating when someone treats you horribly,
but being a jerk back to them just doesnt seem worth it. Instead
I pretended to be sternly nice and above it, but that farce left
me with a lot of anger to work out. Power-walking to a collection
of songs full of venom, vigor, and a dash of bitter longing got me
through that romantic humiliation and the feeling of annoyance
with myself for not telling him off. I didnt get the guy, but I did
get Elvis Costello.
I quickly became a devotee. I still get chills listening to certain
turns of phrase in his songs. His album When I Was Cruel came
out the next year, and I tumbled head first into obsessively listening
to it, dissecting it. I saw him live three times. I worked my way
through most of his catalog over the next five years, first focusing
on his pop albums with the hits. I still discover new songs to
love when I re-explore those albums. Next I delved into his collaboration
with songwriter Burt Bacharach, his classical compositions,
and even his British TV program scores. The man has a giant
back catalog of material, and Ill admit I cheated and put him
on my Top Five list before I owned everything. Im still growing
into some of his work. I expect when I get older and tired of pop
music, Elvis Costello will still have something to offer me. Im not
sure I can say the same for anyone else on my Top Five list.
Elvis Costello is my number one with a bullet because I want
to own all of his work and cant get enough of listening to him.
That is how you should feel about the number one on your Top
Five. Number one becomes your family, your boyfriend, and your
comfort food. Its indispensable.