Good conversation is at the heart of networking, meetings, interviews, negotiations and raising your profile.
It can ease your way in work, enabling you to build alliances, create strong relationships with staff, bosses and clients, succeed at interviews, motivate and inspire.
But conversation is something most of us were never taught! We learn to speak as babies, but how conversation actually works is something most of us pick up only haphazardly, and many have yet to learn. Why is it some of us are stuck for words, but others blabber or can’t stop? What is it that some people have naturally which enables them to converse comfortably and easily, to engage people and build better relationships?
The Art of Conversation will show you step by step how to converse skillfully and enjoyably with other people, at home, at work, on the phone and in the street- even if you’re daunted now, discover the difference good conversation can make in every aspect of your life. Learn to:
-Overcome the most common block to good conversation- fear; find out how to break the silence and keep the conversation going
- Understand the different types of conversation and how they work- which topics and language are suitable for the occasion
- Learn simple methods for being heard and understood, including speaking clearly and audibly, listening well and using non-verbal communication
- Find out how to hold a conversation in tricky situations, including how to disagree, how to speak to those in authority and people you find difficult
-Use conversation to form relationships, improve friendships, make the sale, chat people up, to learn, influence and persuade.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRO
1. INTRODUCING CONVERSATION
1. Normal and everyday
2. The key to many doors
3. What this book is and isn’t
1. THE DANCE OF CONVERSATION
1. The dance of conversation
2. A subtle human art
3. The traditional ‘conversationalist’
4. What’s conversation for?
2. CONNECTING IS WHAT MATTERS MOST
1. Conversational Drains
Enthuso-bore
Robo-chore
Echo-bore
The Ego-bore
Queen of Gossip
Moaning Micky and Minnie
2. Finding common ground
Favourite objects of attention
3. Non-verbal connection
Body language
Voice tone
4. Energetic connection
5. Flexibility
Dealing with ‘drains’
3. GETTING IN THE RIGHT STATE
1. Looking at lack of ease
2. Managing your state
3. Breathe
4. Move
5. Collecting positive states
6. Staying present and aware
7. Focusing outside yourself
8. Dealing with silence
9. Curiosity
10. Trusting yourself and others
4. GETTING A CONVERSATION GOING - THE BASICS
1. Breaking the silence
2. Make a comment
3. Float in a simple question
4. Try a comment followed by a question
5. Introduce yourself positively
6. Keeping the Conversation Going
7. Adding a little extra
8. Taking it gently
9. Open questions
10. Stories
11. Dropping conversational clues – and picking them up
5. LISTENING
1. How well do you listen
1. What can happen instead of listening
2. Rehearsing your own piece
3. Daydreaming
4. Pretending to listen
5. Non-listening
6. Filtering the communication
7. Judgement
8. Playing the psychiatrist
9. Reassuring or diverting
2. How to listen well
3. Show that you’re listening
4. Freeing yourself to listen
5. Deep listening
PART 2: THE POWER OF CONVERSATION
6. INFLUENCING A CONVERSATION
1. Know your intention
2. Leading through connection
3. Creating movement
4. Influence can be as gentle as a story
7. DIFFERENT KINDS OF CONVERSATION
1. Thing Talk
2. Action talk
The art of small talk
3. Head Talk
Exchange of ideas
Exchange of opinions
Wit
4. Heart Talk
Emotional support
Intimate conversation
Risk taking
5. Transparent/Inward/Intimate Talk
Presence in Aikido
6. Generative Talk/Soul Talk
7. Progressing through talk-types
8. EXPRESSING YOURSELF
1. Expressing you – voice
Be understood
Speak with flow
Getting rid of useless fillers
Expressing interest and sounding interesting
2. Expressing you – body language
3. Expressing you - your emotions
Influencing with your emotions
4. Expressing the real you
5. Dancing with language
Finding a common language
Playtime with language
Negative language
Language Habits
Big effect of small words
Language of Influence?
PART 3: CONVERSATION IN PRACTICE
9. SAILING THROUGH TRICKY WATERS
1. What to do if you’re stuck
Stop faking it
Slowing down
Be careful what you ask
Know which “rules” you’re playing
Being flexibile
2. Oiling the wheels
Comment on what you’ve already heard
Offer a prompt
Encouraging nods and grunts
3. Spotting the Games People Play
The status game
The manipulation game
Role playing
Naming the game
4. Enjoying disagreement
5. Confrontations
Handling feelings with skill
Checking your assumptions
Assertive method/Taking the initiative/What to say
10. CONVERSATIONS IN A PROFESSIONAL CONTEXT
1. Conversations in the workplace
Role playing
Small talk at work
Negative small talk
Meetings, Jousts and Debates
Facilitating Group Conversations skilfully/Meaningful conversations
Conversational style - Coaching style rather than control/command
2. Networking
Being the best of you - as written at beg. Of chapter. - Clear/honest
Giving and taking
Probing questions
Abundance Error! Bookmark notdefined.
Avoiding the networking nerd – and avoiding being one!
Seizing the day
Moving on
3. Job Interviews
Creating a conversation
Busting the men/women myths
4. Conversations in the media
Stage-crafted conversations /Most media interviews pre-planned
Desire for black/white
Confrontations
Media chat
If you want something fresh and new, you need time
Time factors – no time for conversation to grow
Fine media interviews that are conversations
Genuine interactions
Conversational style solos
5. Conversations to create personal change
Key Points
Coaching and counselling conversations
Building advanced questioning skills
Using deep listening skills
Bus-stop break-throughs
PART 4: CONVERSATIONS CHANGING THE WORLD/ BIG CONVERSATIONS
1. Conversations to Change the World
Negotiation
High level conversations
2. Precious conversations
3. Talking through technology
Death of conversation?
Conversational opportunities through technology
4. Oral history changing history
5. Conversations that changed history
6. What’s possible?