Labor,
n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
Land, n. A part of the earths surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure. Carried to its logical conclusion, it means that some have the right to prevent others from living; for the right to own implies the right exclusively to occupy; and in fact the laws of trespass are enacted wherever property in land is recognized. It follows that if the whole area of terra firma is owned by A, B and C, there will be no place for D, E, F and G to be born, or, born as trespassers, to exist.
Language, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding anothers treasure.
Lap, n. One of the most important organs of the female system an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males. The male of our species has a rudimentary lap, imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animals substantial welfare.
Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
Laureate, adj. Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereigns court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral.
Laurel, n. The laurus, a vegetable dedicated to Apollo, and formerly defoliates to wreathe the brows of victors and such poets as had influence at court. (Vide Supra.)
Lawful, adj. Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.
Lawyer, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
Lead, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers particularly to those who love not wisely but other mens wives. Lead is also of great service as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.
Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
Lecturer, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
Legacy, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.
Lexicographer, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods. For your lexicographer, having written his dictionary, comes to be considered as one having authority, whereas his function is only to make a record, not to give a law. The natural servility of the human understanding having invested him with judicial power surrenders its right of reason and submits itself to a chronicle as if it were a statute. Let the dictionary (for example) mark a good word as obsolete or obsolescent and few men thereafter venture to use it, whatever their need of it and however desirable its restoration to favor whereby the process of impoverishment is accelerated and speech decays. On the contrary, the bold and discerning writer who, recognizing the truth that language must grow by innovation if it grow at all, makes new words and uses the old in an unfamiliar sense, has no following and is tartly reminded that it isnt in the dictionary although down to the time of the first lexicographer (Heaven forgive him!) no author ever had used a word that was in the dictionary. In the golden prime and high noon of English speech; when from the lips of great Elizabethans fell words that made their own meaning and carried it in their very sound; when a Shakespeare and a Bacon were possible, and the language now rapidly perishing at one end and slowly renewed at the other was in vigorous growth and hardy preservation sweeter than honey and stronger than a lion the lexicographer was a person unknown, the dictionary a creation which his Creator had not created him to create.
Liar, n. A lawyer with a roving commission.
Liberty, n. One of Imaginations most precious possessions.