Synopses & Reviews
Both fearful of abandonment and prone to impulsive, inappropriate behaviors that typically drive others away, people with BPD often have unstable relationships with those closest to them. There may seem to be no end to the arguments, accusations, and guilt both BPD sufferers and their families face. The program in Families and Borderline Personality Disorder was developed by dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) expert Alan Fruzzetti to help family members of people with BPD manage their emotions and reactions in ways that not only help their family member with BPD, but also enable family members to remain consistent with their own personal boundaries and values.
Founded on the core principle of reciprocity, this program helps family members take a blame-free approach to interacting with their loved one with BPD. The program encourages readers to act in ways that reflect their own core values, shows readers how to validate the BPD sufferer in their life in order to help him or her to develop emotion regulation skills, and offers skills for drawing boundaries so that readers do not internalize blame, guilt, or a sense of responsibility for their loved oneís actions and responses. Readers also learn the same DBT skills that are so helpful to BPD sufferers themselves in order to reduce stress and conflict, decrease feelings of depression and hopelessness, and build the familyís support for their loved one with BPD. The program in this book has already been used successfully with thousands of families, and has been proven effective by an independent study. By learning and applying these skills, families can remain strong and supportive, forming the perfect environment for helping BPD sufferers recover and learn and practice skills for helping themselves.
Review
This is a long awaited book! Fruzzetti is a master clinician who does rigorous science in order to provide those of us doing treatment and those in need of it something that works. This is hope for all of us working with individuals, couples and families who suffer. Thank you, Alan, for this timely and important work.
Suzanne Witterholt, MD, distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Associationand director of Ananda Services for Dialectical Behavior Therapy in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Minnesota
Fruzzetti is a leader in work with high-conflict couples and families. This much-awaited book provides an opportunity to learn his techniques and strategies, presented in his unique teaching style that is so effective. The book is a must for every DBT program as well as all those working within the field.
Perry D. Hoffman, Ph.D., president of the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder, New York
A warm and professional guide following in the tradition of acceptance and compassion. A book on how to handle love and stay connected even in difficult circumstances. We have waited for it!
Anna Kåver, psychologist and author with Karolinska Hospital, Stockholm, Sweden
The High Conflict Couple performs a major public service. Fruzzetti's approach starts with an important principle: that dysregulated emotions are the core difficulty for high-conflict couples. From this he provides step-by-step practical methods designed to enhance acceptance, intimacy, and communication based on the latest research regarding emotion regulation and his own vast experience in working with couples and families. In essence, this is an excellent book, useful for both clinicians and couples regardless of the severity of their difficulties.
Thomas R. Lynch, Ph.D., associate professor in the Departments of Psychiatry and Psychology and Neuroscience and director of the Cognitive Behavior Research and Treatment Program at Duke University
Review
This is a long awaited book! Fruzzetti is a master clinician who does rigorous science in order to provide those of us doing treatment and those in need of it something that works. This is hope for all of us working with individuals, couples and families who suffer. Thank you, Alan, for this timely and important work.
—Suzanne Witterholt, MD, distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Associationand director of Ananda Services for Dialectical Behavior Therapy in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Minnesota
Review
In recent years, the study of parental alienation has become an enormously complex topic addressed in hundreds of books, scholarly chapters, and papers in academic journals. A parent who finds herself or himself alienated from a previously loving child may quickly feel overwhelmed by the vast amount of professional and amateur advice that is available. Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine have found a way to help alienated parents quicklyby focusing on five specific strategies by which a former spouse may cause parental alienation.”
William Bernet, MD, professor emeritus at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, Nashville, TN
Review
This book provides the reader with much needed support as well as specific and helpful advice about how to parent a child who is involved in his parents conflict. Every child deserves to love and be loved by both parents, and this book will help targeted parents achieve that goal.”
Jason Patric, actor, targeted father, and founder of Stand Up for Gus
Review
Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex is an excellent book for any parent dealing with a high-conflict co-parent in a separation or divorce. Baker and Fine accurately describe the hidden patterns of manipulation by a toxic ex that can lead to an alienated childone who wants to avoid the other parent. Most important, they teach what to do and what not to do to protect a healthy parent-child relationship for the other parent regardless of these manipulations. This is a minefield and they provide supportive strategies and numerous tips for a reasonable parent to useincluding how to avoid getting angry, giving up, or giving in.”
Bill Eddy, lawyer, therapist, and author of Dont Alienate the Kids!: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce (www.HighConflictInstitute.com)
Review
While
Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex is technically not classified as a workbook, divorce
is work, and often becomes a full time job. Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine have developed a chapter-by-chapter playbook for parents in any stage of divorce. The book encourages parents to bring strong parenting skills to the table while trying to create a solid foundation for the identity, growth, and maturity of their children. This dynamic duo does it again for so many parents struggling to find their way through the maze of co-parenting after divorce. Bravo!”
Jill Egizii, president of the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, USA
Review
Anxiety is, without doubt, the greatest enemy faced by couples, and its regulation is the most challenging and important achievement in marital happiness. The authors describe this crucial dilemma with deep and profound clarity and its resolution in clear instructions and exercises. Every couple who follows this path will end up in the kingdom of marital bliss. As the authors say, practice leads to permanence. I recommend this book not only to all couples, but also to all couples therapists. It will make their work with couples less anxious!”
Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want and coauthor of Receiving Love with Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD
Review
Anxious in Love brings help for anxiety disorders into new territory, revealing how it can affect both partners in a relationship and endanger the well-being of their connection. In a compassionate, step-by-step strategy, the anxiety disorder is first managed, and then mastered using both behavioral and psychological tools. Ultimately these practices are woven into an effective program for couples to useone that empowers both partners to calm the inner and outer effects of anxiety on their relationship and maintain a quality connection. Anxious in Love is an invaluable resource and guide for anyone suffering from an anxiety disorder or anyone in a relationship with someone who suffers from anxiety.”
Eleanor Payson, LMSW, author of The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists
Review
Anxiety, phobias, compulsions, and social avoidance can erode and even destroy relationships. Anxious in Love gives you the tools to decrease, manage, and even eliminate your excessive anxiety (or to understand your anxious partner). After reading the simple but powerful methods in the book, I am confident you'll be anxious to try them and will feel better right away.”
Bill O'Hanlon, author of The Change Your Life Book and Rewriting Love Stories
Review
Above all, therapists should not overlook the great advantage of prescribing Anxious in Love as a workbook for patients to use in tandem with ongoing psychotherapy. Its use will help patients get more out of their therapy by promoting self-awareness and self-reliance, as well as expanding self-care for stabilization, boundary development, and affect management.”
Claire Frederick, MD, coauthor of Inner Strengths and Healing the Divided Self
Review
This book is written primarily for people suffering from anxiety, but also for their partners. . . . There is a wide range of specific exercises for readers to try, so they can find what works best to reduce the overall anxiety level, recognize emotional and physical triggering experiences so the anxious reaction can be prevented, and perhaps most importantly, to learn to be calm, not merely avoiding the anxiety. . . . The authors bring multiple human examples from their decades of clinical experience, simple assessments, and many practical exercises. They create a light and reassuring mood with a genuine concern to assist healing. . . . Anyone suffering from the potentially crippling fallout from any of the potentially crippling experiences of anxiety is likely to have significant benefit from actively engaging with this book.”
Robert B. McNeilly, MBBS, CET, director of the Milton H. Erickson Institute of Tasmania
Review
When three great minds like these collaborate, a prism is created through which a light of wisdom can shine in the darkest of places. A must-read for all people touched by this unfathomable dilemma.”
Judge Michele Lowrance (ret), mediator and author of The Good Karma Divorce and Parental Alienation 911
Review
In each journey through parental alienation, it is easy to lose the way. What seems to be a clear and just path in navigating family court is not always reality. Amy J. L. Baker, Brian Ludmer, and J. Michael Bone have given alienated parents a comprehensive road map that allows them to make their journey through this highly emotional period with level heads and hearts. The authors work empowers readers and leaves them feeling revived, secure, and confident as they travel to their final destination: reunification with their children.”
Jill Egizii, president of the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, USA
Review
The High-Conflict Custody Battle is a joint effort by writers with complementary skills and expertise: Amy J. L. Baker, PhD, is a research psychologist who has studied child psychological abuse; J. Michael Bone, PhD, is a clinical and forensic psychologist; and Brian Ludmer, BComm, LLB, is an attorney whose practice focusses on high conflict family law. The three authors have created a book that is both scholarly and highly practical, which will be helpful for mothers and fathers who find themselves coping with a difficult, overly litigious marital separation or divorce. The book addresses in detail the personal and legal crises that frequently occur in high-conflict divorce, such as parental alienation; allegations of domestic violence and child sexual abuse; and undertaking a child custody evaluation. It is notable that the authors acknowledge that all the participants in these legal battles have both flaws and biases, so no one is expected to be perfect. Although this book is primarily intended for divorcing parents, it will also be good reading for mental health and legal professionals, including judges.”
William Bernet, MD, professor emeritus in the department of psychiatry, Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, Nashville, TN
Review
Having recently tried the most publicized parental alienation case to a successful conclusion, I highly recommend this book for parents coping with an alienating spouse. The authors have provided an effective guide to assist parents through difficult litigation. This book should be read by every targeted parent.”
Jim Pritikin, fellow of The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
Review
"Parenting expert Baker (
Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome) and psychotherapist Fine have created a workbook specifically for divorced co-parents who sense they are losing the battle for their childrens love, loyalty, and respect. The book features tools, strategies, written exercises, and dialogues designed to help reduce the exs negative influence and 'delay, if not prevent' a child from choosing one parent over another. This guide helps co-parents recognize and understand the signs and symptoms of loyalty struggles and their insidious effects, while offering remedies based in positive and mindful parenting to help fashion a safe and loving environment. The authors suggest the familiar protocol of positive parenting as a way to strengthen the parent-child bond, and, when coupled with mindfulness techniques for personal awareness, this protocol can help unhappy, stressed parents handle the animosity and negative influence of their ex. Like a guerilla manual, the book arms co-parents with tools for coping with a variety of scenarios, including when the ex is sending poisonous messages, interfering with contact and communication, 'erasing and replacing,' encouraging the child to betray confidences and trust, or undermining the co-parents authority. Genuinely helpful, this guide tackles a sensitive problem and shows how to diffuse it with accepted and proven psychotherapeutic practices."
Publishers Weekly
Synopsis
Some couples need more than just the run-of-the-mill relationship advice to solve their problems in love. When out-of-control emotions are the root cause of problems in a relationship, no amount of effective communication or intimacy building will fix what ails it. What these high-conflict couples need is help regulating the emotions that provoke the escape or win mode of interaction that has come to define them. This book adapts dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) into a powerful set of emotion regulation tools. Using mindfulness and distress tolerance techniques, readers learn how to deescalate conflict situations before they have a chance to flare into serious fights. Other techniques help partners in a relationship validate one another's experiences. Ultimately, readers who practice the techniques in this book will learn how to manage problems with negotiation, not conflict, and how to find true acceptance and closeness with each other.
Synopsis
You hear and read a lot about ways to improve your relationship. But if you've tried these without much success, you're not alone. Many highly reactive couples—pairs that are quick to argue, anger, and blame—need more than just the run-of-the-mill relationship advice to solve their problems in love. When destructive emotions are at the heart of problems in your relationship, no amount of effective communication or intimacy building will fix what ails it. If you're part of a "high-conflict" couple, you need to get control of your emotions first, to stop making things worse, and only then work on building a better relationship.
The High-Conflict Couple adapts the powerful techniques of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) into skills you can use to tame out-of-control emotions that flare up in your relationship. Using mindfulness and distress tolerance techniques, you'll learn how to deescalate angry situations before they have a chance to explode into destructive fights. Other approaches will help you disclose your fears, longings, and other vulnerabilities to your partner and validate his or her experiences in return. You'll discover ways to manage problems with negotiation, not conflict, and to find true acceptance and closeness with the person you love the most.
Synopsis
This is the first book to use dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) to help high-conflict couples regulate out-of-control emotions, tolerate distressing situations, and resolve problemsan approach proven to help even the most highly reactive couples build healthy relationships.
Synopsis
After a messy divorce, its all too common for one parent to try and undermine the relationship between their children and their ex. In Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex, readers are offered a positive parenting approach to coping with a hostile ex-spouse. Inside, mothers and fathers who are dealing with a toxic ex will learn how to avoid parental alienation, as well as techniques for talking to their children in a way that fosters open and honest response. Divorce can be painful, but with the right tools parents can protect their kids and build stronger, more trusting relationships.
Synopsis
There's no question about it: your children are the most important thing in your life. But if you have gone through a messy divorce, your relationship with your children may become strained if you have to deal with a toxic ex. Your ex may bad-mouth you in front of the kids, accuse you of being a bad parent, and even attempt to replace you in the childrens lives with a new partner. As a result, your children may become confused, conflicted, angry, anxious, or depressedand you may feel powerless. In Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex, a nationally recognized parenting expert offers you a positive parenting approach to dealing with a hostile ex-spouse. You'll learn to avoid the most common mistakes of coparenting, how to avoid parental alienation syndrome,” and effective techniques for talking to your children in a way that fosters open and honest response. In addition, youll learn how to protect your children from painful loyalty conflicts between you and your ex-spouse.
Divorce is often painful, especially if your ex habitually tries to undermine your relationship with your children. But with the right tools you can protect your kids and make your relationship with them stronger than ever. This book can show you how. You can find out more about this book and about author Amy J.L. Baker at www.amyjlbaker.com.
Synopsis
In Anxious in Love, an Imago therapist and a couples therapist present practical relationship tools for people struggling with any anxiety disorder that leaves them feeling disconnected and misunderstood by their partners. These strategies will help readers apply practical tools for healing their anxiety, communicating their needs, and improving their relationships.
Synopsis
Healthy relationships require trust, intimacy, effective communication, and understanding. However, if you suffer from chronic anxiety you may have trouble dealing with everyday conflicts and tensions that can arise in relationships. No matter how committed you are, anxiety can leave you feeling distanced from your partner. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to overcome the anxiety-fueled reactions that keep you from achieving true closeness in your relationship.
Written by two experts on anxiety disorders, Anxious in Love offers easy-to-use techniques for calming anxieties and strengthening communication in your relationship. With this book, you will learn to stay centered when faced with conflict, understand your partners perspective, and become more independent. By changing the way you react to triggers and stress, you will be able to focus on enjoying time with the one you love, without anxiety getting in the way.
Synopsis
In The High-Conflict Custody Battle, a team of legal and psychology experts present a practical guidebook for people going through a high-conflict custody battle. Readers dealing with overtly hostile, inflammatory, deceitful, or manipulative ex-spouses will learn how to find an attorney and prepare for a custody evaluation. The book also provides helpful tips to defend against false accusations, and gives a realistic portrayal of what to expect during the legal process.
Synopsis
Is your ex-spouse trying to gain custody of your kids? Has he or she launched a campaign to make you look like a bad parent, both in the eyes of your children and the law? You aren’t alone. Unfortunately, high-conflict custody battles are all-too-common in today’s world. So how can you arm yourself with the mental and legal resources needed to survive this difficult time and keep your kids safe?
In The High-Conflict Custody Battle, a team of legal and psychology experts present a practical guidebook for people like you who are engaged in a high-conflict custody battle. If you are dealing with an overtly hostile, inflammatory, deceitful, or manipulative ex-spouse, you will learn how to find and work with an attorney and prepare for a custody evaluation. The book also provides helpful tips you can use to defend yourself against false accusations, and gives a realistic portrayal of what to expect during a legal fight.
Going through a divorce is hard, but going through a custody battle can feel like war. Don’t go in unprepared. With this book as your guide, you will be able to navigate this difficult process and learn powerful skills that will help you maintain a healthy relationship with your kids, fight unfair accusations, and uphold your rights as a parent.
Synopsis
Every couple fights—it’s how you fight that can determine the success of your relationship. This book teaches you to look beyond what you and your partner fight about, and discover the core issues that undermine your relationship.
In the midst of a disagreement, many couples ask themselves, “What are we really fighting about?” Sound familiar? As it turns out, breakups and divorce don’t happen because couples fight, they happen because of how couples fight. In this much-needed book, Judith and Bob Wright—two married counselors and coaches with over thirty years of experience helping couples learn how to fight well—present their tried-and-true methods for exploring the emotions that underlie many relationship fights.
In this unique guide, you’ll learn how to use disagreements as an opportunity to deepen your understanding of your partner, bring more intimacy to the relationship, strengthen your bond, and really learn from the conflicts and tensions that occur between you. You’ll also learn how to navigate the fifteen most common fights couples have, including “the blame game,” “dueling over dollars,” “If you really loved me, you’d…,” “told-you-so’s,” and more.
If you’re ready to start fighting for your love, rather than against it, this book will show you how.
Synopsis
Grounded in proven-effective dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) principles, Families and Borderline Personality Disorder offers a practical, skills-oriented program for maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship with a family member suffering from borderline personality disorder.
About the Author
Amy J. L. Baker, PhD, is a national expert on parental alienation and has written a seminal book on the topic, Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, published by W. W. Norton & Company. In addition to conducting trainings around the country for parents as well as legal and mental health professionals, Baker has written dozens of scholarly articles on topics related to parent/child relationships and has appeared on national TV, including Good Morning America, CNN, and The Joy Behar Show. She has been quoted in The New York Times and U.S. News & World Report, among other print media outlets. Baker graduated from Barnard College, summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa. She has a PhD in human development from Teachers College, Columbia University.
J. Michael Bone, PhD, has a doctorate from the Graduate Faculty of Political and Social Science of the New School for Social Research in New York, NY. He has served as a mental health expert, consultant, and advisor to the court on parental alienation cases around the United States, and maintains a consulting practice in Florida.Brian Ludmer, BComm, LLB, is an attorney whose practice is based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He has a Bachelor of Commerce (1982) and Bachelor of Law (1985) from the University of Toronto. Ludmer has practiced corporate and securities law for twenty-seven years and in parallel he conducts a family law practice focused on situations involving custody disputes, child estrangement, and parental alienation, as well as high net worth divorce litigation and business valuation.
Table of Contents