Synopses & Reviews
: incapable of being overcome
When you grow up living with domestic violence, witnessing those you love tear each other down with physical and verbal blows, your brain doesnt know how to deal with that.”From INVINCIBLE's Foreword by Tony Robbins
According to UNICEF, growing up with domestic violence is one of the most pervasive human rights violations in the world, affecting more than a billion people. Yet, too few people are aware of the profound impact it can have.
INVINCIBLE seeks to change this lack of awareness and understanding with a compelling look at this important issue, informing and inspiring anyone who grew up living with domestic violenceand those who love them, work with them, teach them, and mentor them.
Through powerful first-person stories, including the authors own experiences, as well as insightful commentary based on the most recent social science and psychology research, Invincible not only offers a deeper understanding of the concerns and challenges of domestic violence, but also provides proven strategies everyone can use to reclaim their lives and futures.
What did you learn growing up with domestic violence? Do you know how this has had an impact on your life? How have you dealt with it?
Today, are there certain things about yourself that you wish werent true? Many of them arent. They are lies you learned.
INVINCIBLE exposes the lies, reveals the truths, and offers the insight and the skills you need to go from feeling and acting:
Guilty to Free
Resentful to Compassionate
Sad to Grateful
Angry to Passionate
Hopeless to Guided
Worthless to Accomplished
Fearful to Confident
Self-Conscious to Attractive
Unloved to Loved
The truth is, no obstacle you will ever face can compare to what you went through as a child and have already conquered. The author is donating all net royalties to the Children of Domestic Violence Foundation (CDV).
"Promises to be a beacon of calm and sanity for many storm-tossed families." Publishers Weekly
“This book is a gift for anyone who grew up living with domestic violence, or for anyone who cares about someone who did. It distills the body of knowledge we now have on this subject, and offers a hand to those who want to change their journey.” —Dr. Renee McDonald, internationally recognized researcher in family violence, Associate Dean for Research, Southern Methodist University
"I have never shared the fact that I was a child of domestic violence. And, if I had not met Brian Martin, I don't know if I would have. What appeals to me most about Brian's approach is that it is based on empowerment. Our experiences as children living with domestic violence have given us the equiptment—a secret weapon if you will—to overcome all kinds of obstacles in our lives. It means we are not
victims, we are victorious."
—Tony Robbins, bestselling author, Peak Performance Strategist
"...Attention-grabbing and revealing, giving us insight into the world of CDV. It will be a valuable tool for our staff and New York City's most vulnerable population—its children."
—Trevor M. Johns, Acting Associate Commissioner, NYC Administration for Children's Services
“Martins kindness shines through this book. And though many purported self-help books often have the stench of the obvious—House too cluttered? Throw out stuff! Overweight? Eat less, move more!—Invincible has the air of honesty and hard work, and the feeling of someone who wants to help. It is not easy reading. It is not pleasant reading. But for anyone who grew up in a violent household, it could very well be the most important reading.”
"After reading INVINCIBLE, I was struck by the sheer magnitude of children and adults whose lives are impacted by childhood domestic violence. The stories will touch your heart and make you aware of this huge crisis facing our children throughout the world."
—Marlene Lund, Exec. Director, Center for Urban Education Ministries
“Packed with inspirational stories of those who through courage and compassion have transformed their lives, this is a helpful book for anyone who grew up living with domestic violence. It shows that it is possible to overcome the obstacles of a childhood filled with violence and move forward.”
—Stephen Joseph, author of What Doesnt Kill Us: The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth
“INVINCIBLE can be a catalyst for change in the lives of millions who grew up living with domestic violence as it gives them a compelling roadmap on the journey to heal and attain the lives they were always meant to have. It is a valuable resource that can renew their hope and guide them on the path to reaching their full potential.”
—-Caryl Stern, CEO of the U.S. Fund for UNICEF
“This is a unique book filled with inspiring and positive suggestions for adults seeking to overcome the harmful effects of exposure to domestic violence during childhood. It is solidly based on research findings but written in a straightforward way that is readily accessible to readers. I highly recommend it.”
—Dr. Sandra A. Graham-Bermann, Professor of Psychology and Psychiatry, University of Michigan
“This deeply compassionate book will help people who grew up with domestic violence heal the wounds of their past while providing a clear roadmap for a healthier and happier future.”
—Kristin Neff, PhD, Associate Professor, Human Development and Culture, Department of Educational Psychology, University of Texas at Austin, Author, Self-Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself
“INVINCIBLE is poignant, challenging, illuminating, and compassionate - all at the same time. Brian does a fantastic job of illustrating points with real-life stories and a fresh perspective. The book goes way beyond describing the issue; it provides clear insight into the thinking and behavior patterns that result from these experiences. Readers are not alone.”
—Chris Newlin, MS, LPC, Executive Director, National Children's Advocacy Center
“INVINCIBLE will have an immediate impact on our outreach and attempts to create bonds in the communities surrounding our churches, as well as within the existing memberships.”
—Rev. Dr. David H. Benke, Bishop/President, Atlantic District, Lutheran Church Missouri Synod
This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives. Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health
He says he loves you. So why does he do that?
You ve asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men and change your life. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men shows you how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship. You will learn about:
. The early warning signs
. Ten abusive personality types
.The role of drugs and alcohol
.What you can fix, and what you can t
. And how to get out of a relationship safely"
"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control." "He can be sweet and gentle." "He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children he's a great father." "He's had a really hard life..."
Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:
- The early warning signs
- Nine abusive personality types
- How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
- The role of drugs and alcohol
- What can be fixed, and what can't
- How to leave a relationship safely
Includes bibliographical references (p. 391-400) and index.
About the Author
Brian F. Martin
grew up living with domestic violence. The impact of this experience lasted into adulthood but his quest for answers to long-unasked questions eventually led him to a revelation: the unlikely gifts and hidden truths that the experience gave himand has given the hundreds of millions of who have lived through the same circumstances.
By rejecting the lies that he believed throughout his life, he set himself on a course to reach his full potential. He founded several multimillion-dollar global businesses, built a healthy and strong body, cultivated a confident mind-set, forged loving relationships, and developed a deep connection with his children.
In 2007, he founded Children of Domestic Violence (CDV), an international nonprofit organization dedicated to connecting and supporting anyone who grew up living with domestic violence.
Brian and his work have been featured in New York Times, USA Today, Wall Street Journal, and Forbes. He has testified before Congress, appeared on national television programs including Dr. Phil, and produced the award-winning documentary The Children Next Door.
He was born outside of Newark, New Jersey, and lives there today with his two most favorite people in all the world: his daughter, Ella, and son, Frank.
Table of Contents
Why Does He Do That? Acknowledgments
Note on Terminology
Part I: The Nature of Abusive Thinking
1. The Mystery
2. The Mythology
3. The Abusive Mentality
4. The Types of Abusive Men
Part II: The Abusive Man in Relationships
5. How Abuse Begins
6. The Abusive Man in Everyday Life
7. Abusive Men and Sex
8. Abusive Men and Addiction
9. The Abusive Man and Breaking Up
Part III: The Abusive Man in the World
10. Abusive Men as Parents
11. Abusive Men and Their Allies
12. The Abusive Man and the Legal System
Part IV: Changing the Abusive Man
13. The Making of an Abusive Man
14. The Process of Change
15. Creating an Abuse-Free World