Synopses & Reviews
For everyone who has ever been driven to despair, anger, or anguish by controlling, self-absorbed people, this breakthrough book provides helpful strategies for dealing with harmful narcissists and rebuilding one's own confidence and self-esteem.
Normal relationships are built on give-and-take, a dynamic that supports our sense of who we are as individuals and encourages pride in the positive contributions we make to our families, workplace, and society in general. But all of us have come across narcissists, people whose self-interest overrides all else and who, whether they are our bosses, co-workers, lovers, parents, and even our children, can make us feel invisible and worthless.
In Why Is It Always About You?, Sandy Hotchkiss identifies the seven deadly sins of narcissism shamelessness, magical thinking, arrogance, envy, entitlement, exploitation, and bad boundaries. She explains why some people become narcissists, why most of us are vulnerable to them, and how to break away from the power they hold over us. Paying special attention to the roles parenting and culture play in narcissism in adolescents, in love relationships, in the work environment, and among the aging.
"A how-to not only for disengaging yourself from the narcissists in your life but also learning to live with them." The Hartford Courant
"People who experience narcissism in themselves or in others now have a guide to help them steer through the storm." Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., coauthor of I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
"A practical and accessible book about one of the most prevalent personality disorders of our time." Drew Pinksy, M.D.
The Hartford Courant A how-to not only for disengaging yourself from the narcissists in your life but also learning to live with them.
Drew Pinksy, M.D. A practical and accessible book about one of the most prevalent personality disorders of our time.
Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D. coauthor of I Hate You -- Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality. People who experience narcissism in themselves or in others now have a guide to help them steer through the storm.
In this groundbreaking book -- the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade -- clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism -- Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries -- and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation. andlt;BRandgt; Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, andlt;Iandgt;Why Is It Always About You?andlt;/Iandgt; provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life.
The first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade shows readers how to cope with the controlling, self-absorbed people in their lives, and offers healthy strategies for rebuilding self-esteem.
About the Author
Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW teaches in the Master's Program at the University of Southern California School of Social Work and has a private practice in psychotherapy. A fellow of the California Society for Clinical Social Work, she lives in the Los Angeles area.
Table of Contents
Introduction: They're Everywhere
Part I: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
- Magical Thinking
- Bad Boundaries
Part II: Where Does Narcissism Come From?
- Childhood Narcissism and the Birth of "Me"
- The Narcissistic Parent
Part III: Defending Your Self: Survival Strategies for a Narcissistic World
- Strategy One: Know Yourself
- Strategy Two: Embrace Reality
- Strategy Three: Set Boundaries
- Strategy Four: Cultivate Reciprocal Relationships
Part IV: "Special People": The Narcissists in Your Life
- Adolescent Narcissism: What's Normal, What Isn't
- Narcissists in Love: The Fusion Delusion
- Narcissists at Work: The Abuse of Power
- Narcissism and Aging: The Mirror Cracks
Part V: Only You Can Prevent Narcissism
- The Narcissistic Society
- Becoming Better Parents