You can change your world by changing your words. . . . Remember, death and life are in the power of the tongue.
Joel Osteen
Phils name sounded vaguely familiar. A quick Internet search confirmed the connection: Our paths had crossed about twenty years earlier at a client organization. His interview for my companys general manager position ended up more like a college reunion. We reminisced about mutual friends in the business, swapped client names, and bemoaned travel mishaps.
So why do you want to go to work for me?” I ask him. Your LinkedIn page says youre vice president of marketing for some company.”
Thats only part-time right now. The new company Im with is just a little ahead of the market. I need something else to bridge that gap before they can afford to hire me full-time.”
Tell me about the new business, then.”
His eyes light up like a Christmas tree, and he launches into an explanation about the new venture. Hes working for a Hollywood movie producer, who has a few sideline businesses of play-on-demand movies in hotel chains. They produce 3-D programming sold to networks such as ESPN, Hallmark, and Disney.
Got any reality TV shows in mind?” he asks offhandedly as he ends his tale.
As a matter of fact, I do.” I toss out a concept that had occurred to me while writing my last book.
Hmmm. That could work. Seriously. Ill pass the idea on to Barry if you want me to. Hes in LA this week. Have you been to Universal Studios? Amazing place. Anyway. Barry makes all those show decisions. I dont get into that. I just sell the programming into the hotels once the shows are shot. Occasionally, I go on one of the funding meetingsif theyre close by. Like a couple of weeks ago. Barry got a few doctors in a room. Pitched them on a new series hes doing. Twenty-five minutes. They all invested $50,000, and that was enough to put the first series in the can. . . . But its unusual for me to go.”
We talk a little further about the general managers job. But I quickly decide its a no-go. Hes a nice guy, but I need a long-termer in the position.
A week later Phil calls again. Barry will be back from LA tomorrow afternoon. I mentioned your reality TV show to him. He wants to talk to you. Can you meet with him tomorrow at two?”
Sure.” Actually, I hadnt given the idea another minutes thought since Phil had left my office a week earlier. But I spend the rest of the day and evening writing up a treatment.
The next day Barry, Phil, and I meet in my office. We trade background information. Barry tells me about the movies he and his business partner have produceda long string of titles that I recognize immediately. Then he overviews several reality TV shows they are currently shooting.
At this point, I decide to show him the two-page concept that Id drafted.
He skims it, then looks up. I like it.”
So you would be expecting me to invest in this show?”
No. Thats my jobto raise the funding. We would own the show together and split the net profits fifty-fifty.”
My first thought: Maybe hes taking money out of the proceeds, so that there is no profit. Could you forward a typical production budget for my review?” His assistant does so the next day.
Over the next few weeks, we meet several times to discuss the specifics of the deal. On one occasion, he brings his son with him, who is working on a documentary for the History Channel.
Barry agrees to add every clause and safeguard I propose into our written contract. He reports that a couple of networks have already expressed interest in my concept, and he has an investor for our first $60,000.
So when are we going to start shooting the pilot?” I ask.
As soon as I finish up the series Im onend of December.”
December comes and goes. So are you ready to schedule the pilot? I need to line up the talent. They travel frequently, so I need to nail down dates with them.”
We have to have at least $50- to $60,000 to shoot the sizzle reel and pilot.” He explains where he thinks he can cut $10,000 out of the budget by using a simpler set and a local crew.
Budget-conscious. I like that.
Joe, Barrys show runner, calls me from Hollywood to begin discussing details: run time, music, on-camera talent, potential product placements, website, and so forth.
So dont we have funding already committedat least for the pilot?” I ask the next time Barry stops by the office. I thought you said an investor had already committed $60,000?”
He backed out.” Long pause, then, But Im still committed to the idea. Well get it done. We just need $50- to $60,000 to get started.
Look, no need to be disappointed. Were busy now anyway. Im shooting two other projects. Theres no hurry with me. Unless youre in a hurry?”
Its just that Joe has already asked me to schedule the talent, and the three contestants can be available to record this monthbut I dont know about later.”
Then, look, my company will put up half of the $50,000 if you will put up the other half,” Barry offers.
Well, I didnt plan to invest any money in this myself.”
I understand. Thats completely your choice. Well just keep working on getting investors as wed planned, then. And if you know of friends or colleagues who might like to invest, let me know. Whatever youre comfortable with.”
I do more checking on Barry. One of his companies appears to have a contract with a pro sports team. The other companys website is announcing the new forthcoming 3-D series programming, featuring a legendary sports figure as its star. Two more series are listed as forthcoming.”
I write out the $25,000 check and phone him. He promises to stop by and pick it up on his next visit by the end of the week.
Joe in LA becomes the point man. I get a text message at nine a.m. Late night. Will call you later today.” No call. Next day an email would come in at eight p.m. Sorry. Got held up in a long script meeting. Will call Thursday.” On Thursday: Have the flu. Think Im going to rest over the weekend. Lets talk on Monday.” On Monday: No point in talking without the producer, and his current job is running over a couple of days. Ill try to set up a conference call after hes finished with this client.” Next, Joe has a bad auto accident.
You know the end of this story: Barry disappeared. Phil protested innocence, and then stopped returning callsfrom me or my attorney. Joes two-line obituary” appeared in the Los Angeles Times a few weeks later.
By nature, Im a skeptical soul. So why begin this book by telling this tale of getting scammed? My point: Building trust and persuading people to do something can be quite easy if you know what youre doing.
Thats both good and bad. Its good if you have a person or groups best interest at heart. Its bad if you have selfish or sinister motives in mind.
Good communicators influence people in subtle ways. They find common ground, build rapport over a long period of time, and strive to appear trustworthy. They never act like the stereotypical aggressive con artist you see in the sitcoms.
(For an analysis of all the steps Barry and Phil took to win my trustand the trust of many others, as I later discovered from articles on the Internet about prior convictions and prison timesee the next chapter on trust.)
The more popular word of the past few years has been influence. But whatever term you prefer, communication is essentially about making things happen, getting action, changing behavior, or changing minds. Changing someones mind from negative to neutral about you, a cause, or an issue may be the biggest shift of all.
In short, communicating, especially at work, is purposeful. Sure, you also communicate to inform or educatebut usually the result of that informative message or education is to influence someone to do something or change something.
The same is true in your personal lifebut with an additional purpose. At home, you communicate to change relationshipsstrengthen them, deepen them, move them off dead center, test them, improve them, enrich them, or end them.
Yet people communicate every day to make things happen or to get a point across. They say they want to:
- sell an idea”
- increase their impact”
- recruit top talent to come to work for their organization”
- educate consumers about the advantages of their products”
- sway members to support their position”
- urge employees to cooperate with the new policy”
- inspire others to peak performance”
- encourage people to donate generously”
However they phrase it, their goal is to persuade or influence. In fact, some people hesitate to use the word persuade because it has taken on an almost pejorative meaningthe motif of manipulator from the movies. Persuading is not a dirty word. Its not about manipulation. Its a neutral word. Whether its good or bad depends on intellectual honesty, choice, purpose, and outcome.
Intellectual honesty: Is it misleading or deceptive?
Choice: Do people have real choices about complying?
Purpose: Is it harmful? In whose best interest is it?
Outcome: What is the effect of the choice, decision, or change?
Most people equate communicating persuasively with talking someone into doing something. But talking is just a small step in the processor may not be a part of the process at all.
Persuading is primarily about thinking. Talking is one way to communicate some of your thinking or one way to find how other people think, so that you know how to approach them to change their thinking. The Big Challenge
Are most people eager to be persuaded, moved to action, or changed?
Empirical evidence says no. The vast majority of people (88 percent) report that they break their New Years resolution before the end of January.1 And New Years resolutions are usually changes people decide they want to make themselves! So, clearly, whether theyre talking about getting physically fit, financially fit, or mentally fit, people do not find change easy.
People openly resist being persuaded. They record their favorite TV programs in order to fast-forward through commercials. When the sales associate in the store says, May I help you?” they automatically say, No, Im just looking”even if two minutes later they ask for help to find something.
My pointand the challenge: People have become overburdened with information, are skeptical of spin, and are wary of those trying to persuade them to do anything.
At the same time, more and more people are trying to break through with a message. We want to influence others to do something. Those who earn a living in sales remain a steady and significant part of the workforcemanufacturers reps, Realtors, social media marketers, pharmaceutical sales reps, financial advisors, and consultants.
And of course if youre in a service business (entrepreneurs, IT consultants, attorneys, accountants, dentists, freelance writers), youve always depended on selling skills to make a success of the venture. Influencing others to hire, sign a contract, or make a decision on the next project proves crucial to your success.
Good communication may not make a risky project sound safe, but poor communication may fail to convey the benefits of a good project or good deal. Were All in the Fishbowl
Another reason for your communication to be intentionally persuasive is this: You will succeed or fail in a very public way. It seems as though everybody has become a publisher! Even my eighty-nine-year-old mom is on Facebook. The masses have gained access to the Internet. After all, what else can you do with people on the other side of the globe thats fun, free, and fast except blast out your thoughts on everything from world peace to weight loss? Posts on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Google+, and blogs have become as much a daily habit as eating. Smartphones seem to be an extension of the human hand. Text messages can be received instantaneously around the world.
The self-publishing phenomenon blasts out even more persuasive messages: e-books, white papers, reports, webinars, videos on YouTube and Vimeo. Everywhere you turn, people are screaming at you to pay attention to their ideas: Do this, dont do that, buy this, attend that, believe that, adopt this strategy, discover the secret to X. They either love your ideasor hate them. They either affirm you and your approaches or debunk themloudly and publicly.
So, from CEO to entry-level employee, from soccer parent to retired golfer, we all live in a fishbowl now. A hallway conversation can be captured on someones cell phone, posted online, and go viral in a matter of seconds, and as a result, careers and earnings take a nosedive. CEOs cant hide in the corner office with an assistant to shelter them from the world. Teachers no longer rule their classroom when students can flip out their cell phones and push the Record button. Employees can no longer claim innocence when a colleague whistle-blower can tweet evidence.
Once words leave your mouth, credibility goes either up or down. Trust remains stable, grows, or plunges.
All the raw ingredients of communication (words, body language, emotion, logic, action, inaction, listening, branding, perception, structure, and so forth) produce changeeither positive or negative. The Nine Core Principles of Persuasive Communication
This bookpresents nine core principles of persuasive communication. As we move through each chapter, youll see what causes communication to fail and what makes communication succeed in changing behavior or changing minds:
The Law of Trust vs. Distrust
The Law of Collaboration vs. Monologue
The Law of Simplicity vs. Complexity
The Law of Tact vs. Insensitivity
The Law of Potential vs. Achievement
The Law of Distinction vs. Dilution
The Law of Specificity vs. Generalization
The Law of Emotion vs. Logic
The Law of Perspective vs. Distortion
Ill examine each of these core principles and explain how to apply them practically so that you can use them immediately to get your point across, bring about change, inspire others to take action, encourage your family member or team, or sell a product or service more successfully.
Thats our mission in the following pages.
Dianna Booher
The Law of Trust vs. Distrust
The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity.
Zig Ziglar
Trust is the glue of life. Its the most essential ingredient in effective communication. Its the foundational principle that holds all relationships.
Stephen Covey
Trust is built with consistency.
Lincoln Chafee
So what are your responsibilities here?” I asked Cheryl Barruso, the senior manager seated beside me at the back of the room during the leadership meeting.
Actually, I havent figured all of them out yet. They just created a new position for me. Were realigning things now. Ive only been here a few weeks.”