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Original Essays | November 9, 2009

Jesse Bullington: IMG Abash'd the Devil Stood



I don't believe in evil. It's a word I use, certainly, because words are shortcuts and we all take the short way round from time to time, but that's... Continue »
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I Only Say This Because I Love You: How the Way We Talk Can Make or Break Family Relationships Throughout Our Lives

by Deborah Tannen

I Only Say This Because I Love You: How the Way We Talk Can Make or Break Family Relationships Throughout Our Lives Cover

ISBN13: 9780679456018
ISBN10: 0679456015
Condition: Standard
Dustjacket: Standard
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Synopses & Reviews

Publisher Comments:

Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? In this illuminating book, Deborah Tannen, the linguist and bestselling author of You Just Don't Understand and many other books, reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic even when we're all adults. Searching for signs of acceptance and belonging, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism and judgment? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages — unstated but powerful meanings that come from the history of our relationships and the way things are said. Presenting real conversations from people's lives, Tannen reveals what is actually going on in family talk, including how family conversations must balance the longing for connection with the desire for control, as we struggle to be close without giving up our freedom.

This eye-opening book explains why grown women so often feel criticized by their mothers; and why mothers feel they can't open their mouths around their grown daughters; why growing up male or female, or as an older or younger sibling, results in different experiences of family that persist throughout our lives; and much, much more. By helping us to understand and redefine family talk, Tannen provides the tools to improve relationships with family members of every age.

Review:

Praise for You Just Don't Understand

"Tannen has a marvelous ear for the way real people express themselves and a scientist's command of the inner structure of speech and human relationships."
—Jonathan Kirsch, Los Angeles Times

"Goes a long way toward explaining why perfectly wonderful men and women behave in ways that baffle their partners."
— Judy Mann, The Washington Post

"This book, written by a linguistics expert so you have to believe she knows what she's talking about could be the Rosetta Stone that deciphers the miscommunication between the sexes."
— Ruthe Stein, San Francisco Chronicle

"This book will help many put their problems of communication with the opposite sex in manageable perspective."
— Ruth Rose, The New York Times Book Review

"Deborah Tannen combines a novelist's ear for the way people speak with a rare power of original analysis. It is this that makes her an extraordinary sociolinguist, and... her book such a fascinating look at that crucial social cement, conversation."
— Oliver Sacks


From the eBook edition.

Review:

"[W]hile Tannen will never be celebrated for elevating the self-help genre to something approaching the literary...she does succeed in passing on some impressive, eminently useful insights into the kinds of wounds, dilemmas and impasses that have kept novelists in business for centuries." Maria Russo, Salon.com (read the entire Salon.com review here)

Synopsis:

The bestselling author of "You Just Don't Understand" and "Talking from 9 to 5" shows how to understand talk in families and how to do it better.

Product Details

ISBN:
9780679456018
Subtitle:
(how the way we talk can make or break family relationships throughout our lives )
Author:
Tannen, Deborah
Publisher:
Random House
Location:
New York
Subject:
Interpersonal Relations
Subject:
Family Relationships
Subject:
Family
Subject:
Parent & Adult Child
Subject:
Communication in the family
Copyright:
Edition Number:
1st ed.
Series Volume:
106-125
Publication Date:
c2001
Binding:
Hardcover
Language:
English
Pages:
xxvii, 336 p.
Dimensions:
9.53x6.53x1.18 in. 1.41 lbs.

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