In the normal course of relationships, we all depend on others to affirm our sense of who we are. There are some people, however, who are incapable of this fundamental form of give-and-take. Spend enough time around these narcissists and anyone can start to feel invisible. In this groundbreaking book — the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade — clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows how to cope with such controlling, egotistical people and offers healthy strategies for rebuilding self-esteem.

Why Is It Always About You? explores the dynamics of the narcissistic personality — how such individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free. There is a touch of narcissism that lives in all of us, and some of it is even normal. Before you can disentangle yourself from the "web" of someone else's unhealthy narcissism, you will have to examine your own foibles and vulnerabilities and come to terms with that most uncomfortable of feelings, shame.

Beginning with an explanation of what has become one of the foremost personality types of our time, Sandy Hotchkiss describes what she calls the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" — Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, and Bad Boundaries — and where they come from. You will learn to recognize the hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism in its many guises and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in its creation.

Whether the narcissist in question is a co-worker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice and strategies for survival for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread from one generation to the next and for all those who encounter narcissists in their everyday life.

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Introduction: They're Everywhere

Part I: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism

1. Shamelessness

2. Magical Thinking

3. Arrogance

4. Envy

5. Entitlement

6. Exploitation

7. Bad Boundaries

Part II: Where Does Narcissism Come From?

8. Childhood Narcissism and the Birth of "Me"

9. The Narcissistic Parent

Part III: Defending Your Self: Survival Strategies for a Narcissistic World

10. Strategy One: Know Yourself

11. Strategy Two: Embrace Reality

12. Strategy Three: Set Boundaries

13. Strategy Four: Cultivate Reciprocal Relationships

Part IV: "Special People": The Narcissists in Your Life

14. Adolescent Narcissism: What's Normal, What Isn't

15. Narcissists in Love: The Fusion Delusion

16. Narcissists at Work: The Abuse of Power

17. Narcissism and Aging: The Mirror Cracks

Part V: Only You Can Prevent Narcissism

18. The Narcissistic Society

19. Becoming Better Parents

Notes

Suggested Readings

Index