Inventing the Rest of Our Lives identifies and names a journey and a new stage of life for women over fifty — Second Adulthood. This generation of women, 37 million strong, doesn't fit into any of the existing models for women who have fulfilled all the roles already assigned to them — daughter, wife, mother, employee, volunteer, all around self-sacrificing nurturer. With a longer life expectancy, a healthier lifestyle, and a first adulthood full of empowerment and experience, they are taking charge.

This new Second Adulthood is a life change that gives women a second chance to grow up again, free of the limitations and expectations of their first adulthoods. Drawing on personal stories, cutting-edge science, up-to-date trend analysis, woman-tested wisdom, and her own brave, sometimes painful, sometimes very funny struggles with life after her fiftieth birthday, Levine shows that Second Adulthood women are not the same women they have been so far, only older; they are really different. At midlife, women really do start to see the world differently, which the latest brain research is proving to be literally true.

From work to love, self-discovery to civic duty, health to economics, Levine examines every aspect of women's lives and shares stories — scary, powerful, challenging, joyful — of women who have found insights and solutions that work for them. She reports on and explores the phenomenon of "the fertile void," the process of "saying no, and letting go" and the defiance of what she calls "the fuck-you fifties," as well, as the recalibrations of relationships, intimacy, and sense of self that women experience.

Inventing the Rest of Our Lives doesn't read like a health guide or a careerguide or a therapy guide, though it tackles all these issues. What it does do is offer role models and a roadmap for a journey that — without the kind of awareness this book engenders — can make freedom feel like chaos and promise feel like wishful thinking. It's a companion and a handbook that helps readers explore this new frontier and find their own answers to the three big questions each woman wrestles with — What matters? What works? What's next?

"Levine has a message for aging boomer women: if you're feeling out of sorts, confused, in a rut, there's nothing wrong with you: you're just entering your 'Second Adulthood,' a time, she says, when women can remake themselves. Levine, Ms. magazine's editor for 17 years and now a contributor to More magazine (and author of Father Courage: What Happens When Men Put Family First), draws on the latest research on hormonal and other physical changes women begin to go through in their 40s, and draws on 50 in-depth interviews she conducted with women in their middle years to show how they can improve their lives. Levine's subjects describe a time of confusion (the 'fertile void') that led them to re-sort their lives, revise priorities and make new decisions about work and intimate relationships. Samantha, for example, left an alcoholic husband after decades of marriage. Joanie, a traditional wife and mother, renegotiated her marriage and bought herself an apartment in New York City, becoming a fund-raiser for a dance company. Although Levine did interview some women with fewer economic resources and she discusses the importance of financial planning, much of the self-discovery stories will resonate best with women who are financially comfortable. Her gung-ho go-rappelling-off-the-mountain tone may grate on some women while inspiring others." Publishers Weekly (Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information, Inc.)

"An upbeat guide for women who are into their 50s or beyond....Not much here that's really new, but it's all packaged in an especially easy-to-take, down-to-earth, yet uplifting way." Kirkus Reviews

"Rich in vision, intelligence and heart, this valuable book...helps each reader forge her own unique path." Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger

From work to love, self-discovery to civic duty, health to economics, Levine examines every aspect of the lives of women over 50 and shares stories — scary, powerful, challenging, and joyful — of women who have found insights and solutions that work for them.

The first generation of women to have tasted social, political, and economic empowerment-some thirty-seven million strong-has reached a new frontier that is unexpected and unexplored. Nearing their fifties and entering their sixties, they have fulfilled all the prescribed roles-daughter, wife, mother, employee; yet with longer life expectancy and better health they do not intend to retire from the world. They want to experience more. Inventing the Rest of Our Lives is an evocative and eye- opening road map across this uncharted terrain.

Suzanne Braun Levine, the first editor of Ms. magazine and a long-time journalist, has been reporting on the lives of women like herself throughout their tumultuous first adulthood. Here she draws on personal stories, cutting-edge science, up-to-date trend analysis, and her own struggles to show that Second Adulthood women are simply not the same people they were, only older; they are changing-both inside and out. The latest research she has uncovered proves it: Certain areas of their brains are undergoing a growth spurt very similar to that in adolescence, their sexual and emotional rhythms are readjusting along with their hormones, and their priorities are shifting dramatically.

From work to love, self-discovery to civic duty, health to economics, Inventing the Rest of Our Lives examines every aspect of their lives, offers solutions, and shares stories-sometimes touching, sometimes joyous-of women who have found insights and answers to the three crucial questions that each confronts: What matters? What works? What's next?

Inventing the Rest of Our Lives is a bold, honest, and sharp-witted guidebook, companion, and source of inspiration for every woman entering these uncharted waters.

Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Getting to What Matters: Letting Go and Saying No

1. You're Not Who You Were, Only Older 3

2. Second Adolescence

A Second Chance at Growing Up Strong 25

3. Defiance

Speaking Up, Speaking Out, Speaking Your Mind 40

4. The Fertile Void

Taking Your Time 56

Finding Out What Works: Recalibrating Your Life

5. Reconsidering Work and Beginning to

Recalibrate Your Life 81

6. Rediscovering Your Passion, Facing Your Fear 106

7. Redefining Intimacy

Love, Sex, Friendship, and the New You 123

8. Confronting Adversity 149

Moving On to What's Next:

Making Peace and Taking Charge

9. Health, Beauty, and What You Cannot Change 179

10. Generations: Graduating from Our Child and

Parent Voice to (at Last!) Our Own Adult Voice 203

11. Becoming a Critical Mass

The Personal Is Still Political 223

12. Riding the Spiral 235

Bibliography 243

Web Sites and Organizations 249

Index 255