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Guests | May 6, 2013 1 comment
My sister slept with the light on until she was 27. She rightfully blames me. I would leap out of closets with my hands made into claws. I would... Continue »
Birthplace: Amarillo, Texas
Favorite Song: George, You Are Really the Coolest (Jimi Hendrix, 1968)
Favorite Movie: George and Jimi: Monterey Meltdown A Go-Go!!
Most Embarrassing Moment: The Last Two Questions
Favorite Food: Pizza from Traverso's, Orland Park, Illinois
Favorite Exercise: Getting up to stumble leadenly away from the table at Traverso's.
Special Power: Gradually wasting all my once special powers and gradually fading away to a shadow of my former self, then going to Traverso's.
Secret to your success? I appear very pitiful to people in power, who nurture me from a sense of nostalgia for the days when they themselves were pitiful.
Best vacation: With my wife and kids in Block Island, RI.
Favorite relaxant: Listening to Congressional disclaimers at extremely slow speed.
Superstitions: 1) I never swim naked in piranha-infested streams; and, 2) I never sever my penis with a knife, even if I'm really really angry.
Favorite color: I like them all. Except ochre. Freaking ochre. Ochre makes me want to... sever my... oh, I really hate ochre.
Personal motto: I have two: 1) Never answer questionnaires which force you to respond in pithy one-liners; AND, 2) Don't forget, don't ever forget, please, for God's sake, your superstition about the penis severing!
Favorite President: President Barak Obama.
Favorite Hiding Place: Right out in the open.
Shoes, sandals, or barefoot? Usually one of each, to give me that casual "limp" all the girls love.
Favorite animal: A large grizzly, stuffed with $100 bills.
Favorite time of year: Autumn in Central New York.
Ships, planes, trains, or automobiles? No, I am a Luddite, and also a radical Catholic, so only travel by crawling on my belly while mumbling an incantation of the many ways I am unworthy. Time-consuming, sure, but worth it.
Favorite performer: Teddy "SlushMouth" Cannipan, the harmonica scourge of South Bend, IN. Just don't sit in the front row!
Favorite city: New York, then Chicago. No, Chicago, then New York. Oh, heck, I love them both. Also I like Syracuse. And Dubai. Los Angeles is cool, too. Jeez, I can't decide.
Morning person or night person? I'll take one of each. Feel free to make the night person slightly less attractive, since it will be dark.
Your middle name: William.
When you were seven, what did you want to be when you grew up? Shortstop for the Chicago White Sox who was a surgeon in the off-season and was dating the actress Bridget Hanley, who would come to all my games and all my surgeries, amazed by my coolheadedness.
WiFi or HiFi? I must be NoFi because I don't really understand the question.
God or Mammon? Come on, is that a trick question? Who is this really?
Red or White? I believe both colors are necessary. For example, to make Pink.
Right or left-handed? I am right-handed, except when I am suddenly exposed to something ochre, at which time, with my left hand, I cast about madly, looking for my severing knife.