WHAT IS ¡ASK A MEXICAN! ?

Questions and answers about our spiciest Americans. I explore the clichés of lowriders, busboys, and housekeepers; drunks and scoundrels; heroes and celebrities; and most important, millions upon millions of law-abiding, patriotic American citizens and their illegal-immigrant cousins who represent some $600 billion in economic power.

WHY SHOULD I READ ¡ASK A MEXICAN! ?

At 37 million strong (or 13 percent of the U.S. population), Latinos have become America's largest minority — and beaners make up some two-thirds of that number. I confront the bogeymen of racism, xenophobia, and ignorance prompted by such demographic changes through answering questions put to me by readers of my ¡Ask a Mexican! column in California's OC Weekly. I challenge you to find a more entertaining way to immerse yourself in Mexican culture that doesn't involve a taco-and-enchilada combo.

OKAY, WHY DO MEXICANS PARK THEIR CARS ON THE FRONT LAWN?

Where do you want us to park them? The garage we rent out to a family of five? The backyard where we put up our recently immigrated cousins in tool-shack-cum-homes? The street with the red curbs recently approved by city planners? The driveway covered with construction materials for the latest expansion of la casa? The nearby school parking lot frequented by cholos on the prowl for a new radio? The lawn is the only spot Mexicans can park their cars without fear of break-ins, drunken crashes, or an unfortunate keying. Besides, what do you think protects us from drive-bys? The cops?

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

CULTURAL UNDERSTANDING VIA WETBACK JOKES

1. LANGUAGE

CURSE WORDS, GREASERS, AND LECHEROUS WHISTLES

2. CULTURA

CHICKENS, DWARVES, AND THE SOCCER-OSAMA CONNECTION

3. SEXO

DIRTY SÁNCHEZ, JUANGAS, AND INDOMITABLE SPERM

4. INMIGRACIÓN

MORE, MORE, AND MORE

5. MUSIC

MORRISSEY, MELODICAS, AND AY YI YI YIS

6. FOOD

TAMALES, HOT SAUCE, AND TESTICULAR AVOCADOS

7. ETHNIC RELATIONS

CHINITOS, NEGRITOS, GABACHOS, AND WABS

8. FASHION

FAKE BLONDES, MUSTACHES, AND SWIMMING WITH JEANS

9. WORK

ORANGES, DAY LABORERS, AND LAZY KENTUCKIANS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS