Synopses & Reviews
How do todayand#8217;s parents cope when the dreams we had for our children clash with reality? What can we do for our twenty- and even thirty-somethings who canand#8217;t seem to grow up? How can we help our depressed, dependent, or addicted adult children, the ones who canand#8217;t get their lives started, who are just marking time or even doing it? Whatand#8217;s the right strategy when our smart, capable and#8220;adultolescentsand#8221; wonand#8217;t leave home or come boomeranging back? Who can we turn to when the kids arenand#8217;t all right and we, their parents, are frightened, frustrated, resentful, embarrassed, and especially, disappointed?andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;In this groundbreaking book, a social psychologist whoand#8217;s been chronicling the lives of American families for over two decades confronts our deepest concerns, including our silence and self-imposed sense of isolation, when our grown kids have failed to thrive. She listens to a generation that and#8220;did everything rightand#8221; and expected its children to grow into happy, healthy, successful adults. But they havenand#8217;t, at least, not yetand#8212;and meanwhile, weand#8217;re letting their problems threaten our health, marriages, security, freedom, careers or retirement, and other family relationships.andlt;BRandgt; andlt;BRandgt; With warmth, empathy, and perspective, Dr. Adams offers a positive, life-affirming message to parents who are still trying to and#8220;fixand#8221; their adult childrenand#8212;Stop! She shows us how to separate from their problems without separating from them, and how to be a positive force in their lives while getting on with our own. As we navigate this critical passage in our second adulthood and their first, the bestselling author of andlt;Iandgt;Iand#8217;m Still Your Motherandlt;/Iandgt; reminds us that the pleasures and possibilities of postparenthood should not depend on how our kids turn out, but on how we do!
About the Author
Jane Adams has spent over two decades researching and reporting on how Americans live, work, and love, and especially how they respond to social change. A frequent media commentator, she has appeared on every major radio and television program. The author of eight nonfiction books and three novels, she is a talented communicator, and an expert in managing personal, professional and family boundaries, dealing with grown children, coping with change, and balancing life and work.andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;A graduate of Smith College, Jane Adams holds a Ph.D. in social psychology and has studied at Seattle Institute of Psychoanalysis and the Washington, D.C. Psychoanalytic Foundation. She has been an award-winning journalist, a founding editor of the Seattle Weekly, and an adjunct professor at the University of Washington. She is the recipient of the Family Advocate of the Year award from and#8220;Changes,and#8221; an organization devoted to improving relationships between parents and adolescent children.
Table of Contents
Contentsandlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;andlt;Iandgt;Introductionandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;May I Talk to You Privately? and#149; Whose Story Is This? and#149; When Bad Things Happen to Good Parents and#149; Our Dirty Little Secret and#149; The Elephant in the Parlorandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Chapter Oneandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;The Kids Are All Right and Other Lies Parents Tell About Their Grown Childrenandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;The Most Privileged Generation in History -- Except Theirs and#149; Great Expectations: Ours or Theirs and#149; Who's in Trouble Here? and#149; Making Them Happy Is Not Up to Us and#149; But Can We Be Happy If They're Not?andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Chapter Twoandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;We're Waiting...and Waiting...and Waitingandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;When We Were Their Age and#149; Prolonging the Search for Identity -- Or Just Avoiding It? and#149; Excuse Us, But We're Having an Identity Crisis, Too and#149; Our Other Unfinished Task and#149; Two Kinds of Parents, Same Kind of Kids and#149; In Whose Good Time? and#149; Addicted, Depressed, and Dependent: A Detour or a Final Destination?andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Chapter Threeandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Whose Fault Is It, Anyway?andlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;The Two Myths of Parenthood and#149; "I'll Never Make the Mistakes My Parents Made" and#149; Wrestling Guilt to the Ground and#149; The Echo of Our Childhoods and#149; Regret Is Guilt Without the Neurosis and#149; Why Wasn't I Listening? and#149; When the Writing's on the Wall and#149; Good Enough Is the Best We Can Doandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Chapter Fourandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;They're Ba-a-a-ck!andlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;The Never-Empty Nest and#149; Out of Time and Out of Patience and#149; Sparing the Help vs. Spoiling the Child and#149; Lives Without Guideposts and#149; Leaving No Forwarding Addressandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Chapter Fiveandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;The Challenge of Independenceandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;Strangled by Our Purse Strings and#149; "Why Should They Wait Till We're Dead?" and#149; Codependent on Dr. Spock and#149; Parents Who Give Too Muchandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Chapter Sixandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Maybe We Shouldn't Have Inhaledandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;The Perils of Nostalgia and#149; It's Not the Age of Aquarius Any Longer and#149; Is It a Symptom or a Disease? and#149; Family Day at Rehab and#149; Staying Out of Their Program and#149; Doing the Wrong Thingandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Chapter Sevenandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;The Limits of Loveandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;Paying a Different Kind of Attention and#149; Denying the Undeniable and#149; The Real Truth About Gay Pride and#149; Following the Pied Piper and#149; An Alternative to What? and#149; Who Are the Victims Here? and#149; Forgiving the Unforgivableandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Chapter Eightandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Separating from Their Problems Without Separating from Themandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;The Key to Our Survival and#149; Thank You for Sharing and#149; Marriages Under Fire and#149; Blurred Boundaries, Loving Limits and#149; But What About the Grandchildren? and#149; Phantom Guilt and Other Crimes of the Heartandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Chapter Nineandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Reinventing Our Lives:andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;The Challenge of Postparenthoodandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;Reinvigorating the Postparenthood Marriage and#149; New Wine in Old Bottles and#149; Different Times, Different Agendas and#149; Shuffling the Deck for a New Dealandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Notesandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Bibliographyandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;Iandgt;andlt;Bandgt;Indexandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;/Iandgt;