Synopses & Reviews
Something is rotten in the state of New York and Texas, and Kinky Friedman, fearless private dick and self-proclaimed savior of the animal kingdom takes it upon himself to locate not one, but two of God's creatures that have gone missing. The first is Dylan Weinberg, an 11-year-old boy with a rare form of autism. Dylan is a stock market wizard, yet can only utter one word, "Schnay." He's on a multitude of medications, and according to Julia, his dark-eyed, dark-haired, long-legged half sister, Dylan is "seriously fucked up." His father Victor woke one night to find the boy standing over his bed like some preteen zombie with a pair of scissors cutting up the sheets. Dylan has been missing for two weeks now, and the cops have no leads, and, according to Julia, not much interest in the case. That's why the family has called in Kinky to the rescue. And speaking of rescue, Kinky's second missing person's case--make that missing cat--comes courtesy of his Aunt Nancy--not actually a relative, more like a "spiritual sister" who along with Kinky helped found the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch in Utopia, Texas. She and her husband Tony are in charge of some 70 odd and assorted, abused, abandoned and generally unwashed and unwanted dogs, which does not endear them to the neighbors. Which brings us (and Kinky) to the problem at hand: Namely that Lucky, the 3-legged cat and unofficial mascot for the ranch, is gone, the victim of an apparent kitty-napping. At least that's what Nancy thinks. She's convinced that Lucky is in the hands of nasty, vindictive neighbors--either that or he's being sacrificed by a satanic cult. No matter which, she wants Kinky to help find the cat before he becomes coyote food. It's un uneven dilemma for Kinky--stay in town and concentrate on finding a sick, missing child (and concentrate too on the child's beautiful sister), or hightail it to Utopia to help calm down the frantic Nancy, who's this close to claiming Lucky has been abducted by aliens. Kinky puts his faith in his faithful companion and Village Irregular Steve Rambam, who was once trained as both a cop and a rabbi, to help find the kid. After all, if someone familiar with both the Man Upstairs and the men in blue can't help, who can? Meanwhile Kinky heads for the ranch in Texas where Nancy provides him with two witnesses to the alleged crime: one is a dim-sighted 80-year- old lady named Lola who claims to have seen a van pull up the ranch and someone leave with something in a burlap bag. The other witness has 4 legs, a tail, chases tennis balls and answers to the name of Mr. Magoo. Nancy swears the dog has been acting up since his buddy Lucky's disappearance. Back in NY, Rambam has no clue where Dylan is, but is sure that Julia is the Jewish answer to his romantic prayers. Kinky tells him to put the wedding plans on hold and go find Hattie Mamajello, the black nanny who cared for Dylan at the Weinberg's farm in Schenectady. But it's too little, too late when Hattie is pushed off a subway platform and killed. It's enough to drive a dick to drink--which Kinky is happy to do--but he's still got a missing kid and a missing kitty on his cigar-stained hands to locate before (a) Rambam whisks Julia off to the Lucky Craps Wedding Chapel in downtown Viva Las Vegas, and (2) Aunt Nancy calls in the FBI, CIA and the Mossad to track down the missing cat. Kinky and Rambam head for the Weinberg farm upstate where Kinky has a stinking, sinking feeling that Victor Weinberg may have disposed of his inconveniently sick son who was not only draining Weinberg of his bank account with innumerable medical bills, but also posing a threat to his life. Kinky is also sure that Victor pushed Hattie to her death after she visited him at his office because she knew too much. Fortunately they don't find a body, but do find Dylan tucked away at a slightly less than Dickensian-style orphanage where he had been abandoned by his father. Meanwhile, back at his loft, tucked away with his cigar-filled Sherlock head, his Jameson's Irish Whiskey, the pitter patter of Winnie Katz's lesbian dance class upstairs, and of course, the company of his cat, Kinky gets an excited call from Aunt Nancy who tells him that Lucky is back home safe and sound. But Kinky already knew that: seems Lucky had stowed away in the back of Nancy's truck one night, then ran for the hills after being spooked by the howling of a neighbor's pet wolves. How and why he found his way back home is anyone's guess. Even the great Kinkster is at a loss to explain this happy ending. The cat, of course, said nothing.