Ask Aunt Paige
by Aunt Paige, February 10, 2021 9:09 AM
Hello Honeybucket,
Aunt Paige here. As a bookseller and lifelong bookworm, I’ve spent years of my life answering bookish inquiries: in the bookstore and at family gatherings, on the bus, at happy hour… you get the idea. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that no book question is just about the book. That friend isn’t just looking for a sad book — they just went through a breakup and they’re looking for an excuse to ugly cry while demolishing a pint of rocky road. That customer isn’t just looking for a book they remember from childhood — they LOVED that book, lent it to a friend, never got it back, and are still trying to replace it 20 years later (just one reason you should never lend books to friends you want to keep as friends).
That deeper conversation is one of the best parts of being a book person, but now that we all communicate through pixels, it’s hard to find. I miss it and I hope you miss it too, because I’m bringing it back (virtually). Bonus: virtual means anonymous, so you don’t have to hover around the Info desk working up the courage to ask a question you’re feeling self-conscious about (yes, we see you doing that, and no, we don’t judge you).
Send your deep, wacky, wonderful, heartfelt, and confused questions my way at [email protected]. Every month I’ll be answering a select number of your questions around a particular topic. This month: Love.
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Dear Aunt Paige,
I recently decided to try a dating app for the first time. It feels overwhelming. I’m trying to polish my profile to make myself seem more appealing, and reading is a big part of my life, so I want to make it part of my profile as well. Do you have any advice for books I should (or shouldn’t) mention?
Thank you,
Bumbling through Bumble
Dear Bumbling,
I hope you aren’t looking for the one perfect book that will make you seem irresistibly charming. You won’t find one and potential dating partners can smell trying-too-hard even through a screen. Sure, you can list Shakespeare’s Sonnet 47 and Love Poems by Pablo Neruda in hopes that it will give your profile an air of amorous intellectualism, but if you haven’t read Shakespeare since high school and your interest in poetry doesn’t extend past limericks, it will feel phony and forced. (Also, Neruda is problematic and overrated. If you need to list Nobel Prize in Literature-winning poets, go with Louise Glück or Octavio Paz.) You’re thinking about this in the wrong way. Online dating, like any sort of dating, isn’t just about attracting people, it’s about making a genuine connection with the right people. Do you really want to date someone who thinks your love of action thrillers is silly?
What books do you genuinely love? What interests would you like your future partner to share? Proclaiming your love for The Silmarillion might mean that potential dates who disdain fantasy swipe… Left? Right? (You know, whichever one means they aren’t interested.) But it could also help you match with your date for next year’s Tolkienmoot. Be yourself and focus on quality rather than quantity. You’ll do just fine.
Love,
Aunt Paige
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Dear Aunt Paige,
I gift a lot of books to friends. I've just started dating someone I think I'm getting really into, and with Valentine's Day just around the corner, I'm wondering about buying them a book — but I've never bought a book for a romantic interest before. Any advice on the kind of book to give?
Yours,
Bored with Candy
Dear Bored,
I like to think of book gifts for friends as an exchange of shared interest. You just finished Vesper Flights by Helen Macdonald and it's fabulous (no really: it's elegant, it's captivating, it's — anyway...) and your one friend is really into nature writing; they must check it out. But a book gift for a hopefully-more-than-a-friend is different. Sure, you could play it safe and get a crowd-pleaser (Bill Bryson comes to mind, although his new book is called The Body, so maybe that would be a little weird?), but I suggest instead giving them a book that's special to you. The novel that made you a sci-fi fan forever. The biography that made you ugly cry. You're offering up something meaningful about yourself, and you're learning about them in exchange. Did they love it? More importantly, does it spark a meaningful, mutual conversation rather than a one-way discussion about only what they think? Then they just might be the one for you.
Love,
Aunt Paige
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Dear Aunt Paige,
My friend gave me a romance novel a while ago, and I loved it. I'd read more, but I noticed that the novel made me feel dissatisfied with my partner. I know it's not fair to compare them to a Regency heartthrob with a dark past, smoldering eyes, and well, more, but I can't help feeling let down. How can I get back to reading romance without souring on my perfectly nice, real-life relationship?
Sincerely,
They Can't All Be Fabio
Dear TCABF,
Oh, honeybucket. Why do you think romance novels are so popular? It's natural to fantasize about love and sex, and for women and other marginalized groups especially, really important to read narratives that put your pleasure at the center of the action. Not only is it fun; it's instructive! Reading romance novels can teach you what you desire and enjoy (Sex on a rooftop? Witty banter? Mechanics?) and maybe even give you the words to express those needs or feelings to your partner.
Is it fair to expect your partner to transform into a Scotsman/duke/beautiful widow/dragon (Aunt Paige never judges)? No. You're probably not a violet-eyed damsel with waist-length hair and a tragic past, either. But it's totally valid to initiate a conversation about what you're reading, how it's making you feel, and what the two of you can do about it together.
Sounds pretty romantic to me.
Love,
Aunt Paige
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Send your most embarrassing book questions to me at [email protected] by February 28 for a chance to be included in my March column.
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