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6 Responses to "FPP#6: How Else Was He to Know"
Spengler
March 1, 2006 at 12:53 PM
Venkman's right about this one. The only thing worse than beginning with weather is beginning with an extended metaphor.
KyleRanger
February 28, 2006 at 07:00 PM
"He came up with the names." [
pauses for reflection
] "They were good times." [
thinks "shit, they WERE good times"; remembers original point; starts over
] "He came up with the names and..." * * * Not poetic resonance, Venkman. Think of a movie, get into character. Hear it.
eliz. s.
February 28, 2006 at 03:25 PM
This paragraph intrigues me, but I do find the immediate repetition somewhat pretentious. Otherwise, I'm interested.
Laura Lee
February 28, 2006 at 01:44 PM
i would keep reading. i like it on the whole except for the initial repeition and the second sentence. the names were good times? or the coming up with the names... i like the image of running words through physical trials, and also the implications of the he as a father. makes me wonder who the he is and want to find out more.
Venkman
February 28, 2006 at 01:40 PM
He came up with the names. They were good times. He came up with the names...
The repetition suggests the author is trying for some kind of poetic resonance: "It will be SO powerful the second time I use it." This kind of writing always annoys the crap out of me. Imagine you're at a dinner party where there are small pockets of conversation among various groups. One person in your group tells a joke that riffs off of something another person just said, and everyone laughs because it's a funny joke and it's relevant to the conversation. Now imagine that person announces he's going to tell a joke, stands up, and keeps yelling until he gets the attention of every single person in the room, interrupting every other pocket of conversation, and grandly announces he'll be telling a joke. If that isn't the funniest joke you've ever heard, the speaker comes off as a blowhard and a jerk. This kind of pointed repetition of phrases in writing, to me, is the same as interrupting every other conversation in the room to make a grandiose announcement... there had better be something really powerful behind it. This time, there doesn't seem to be.
Sammy
February 27, 2006 at 08:47 PM
it IS the best title ever. i am part of that mythical 72%.
Result(s) 6
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