Displaying absolutely no softening in his party's stance against the majority of Americans, GOP House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Some Place Where Men are Men, Women are Women, and Everyone Pulls Themselves Up by Their Bootstraps) has criticized the Democratic Party for offering Americans a free lunch
"[Democrats have] been offering Americans a free lunch for the last 80 years, rather successfully. And you know, those of us who believe in a smaller, more accountable government, we have a tougher time making our policies relevant to the American people."
With more Americans going hungry each month, and food banks and soup kitchens around the country experiencing shortages, the majority of citizens believe that "free lunch would actually come in really handy right now."
Boehner's statements correlate to the House Republican's nearly unified "no" vote on a potential homeowner protection package, making sure to alienate every Frank Foreclosure and Betty Bankruptcy who's struggling to pay for such extravagances as gas, food, medicine, heating oil, and mortgages.
The minority party's evolving (OK, sorry, evolution — poor word choice) strategy appears to be to alienate all but the wealthiest Americans. This may backfire on them, since many of the wealthiest in this country are on the road to become convicted felons and will likely be stripped of their right to vote.
The Republicans' "Just Say No" gambit will only increase over time, as seen by Governor Jindal's claim to refuse federal stimulus money (that he can totally give to Oregon, really, we're cool with it). As the 2010 midterm elections appear, look for the GOP to don top hats, grow long sinister mustaches and tie damsels to train tracks just before the arrival of the 5:15.
Correction: As we were reading this, we were lead to believe that Minority Leader's name was pronounced "boner." It is in fact pronounced "Bay-ner," as in, you are the bane of our country's continued existence. In personal conversation, we will continue to refer to him as "Leader Boner."
Current Events: Tonight the very cool retro/folkie Portland band Blitzen Trapper plays at the Paradise in Boston. Blitzen Trapper has to be the best name of any band of reindeer hunters I've ever heard. I'm going with my friend Chip. What you need to know about Chip is that he likes to take photos of musicians with his Ralph Wiggum (The Simpsons) figurine. We can only hope Blitzen is game.