When my publisher told me that my book
was about "...taking on global capitalism" I thought that was pretty cool. Not that I thought I was doing that when I wrote about taking over a failing 40-year-old typesetting company in Iowa and then being run out of business by a combination of recalcitrant employees, cheap labor from India, publishers with a lack of sympathy for my desire to become wealthy, and a business partner who taught me all the things to avoid in selecting a business partner.
No, I liked it because, "global capitalism" is a mighty important sounding phrase right up there with "antidisestablishmentarianism." I could use this coolness in many situations. As in, "Hey, how about a drink on the house, I took on global capitalism last week," or "Sure you survived brain cancer, but I fought global capitalism, so give me a taste of that feeding tube" or maybe "Don't fighters of global capitalism get free pedicures anymore?"
What I didn't expect was to actually take on global capitalism.
But now Typo has been nominated for best business memoir of 2007 by a website called 1-800ceoread. And my competition is The Age of Turbulence, written by a fellow named Alan Greenspan. Suffice it to say that the only time I'll be actually calling Mr. Greenspan anything like "Alan" or "fellow" is going to be in this blog. I think the traditional salutation for the single most powerful person in the world's economy for much of the last century is "Would you like a free pedicure?" (The American Heritage dictionary suggests I shouldn't talk about his feet at all.)
Now is it really reasonable to think of my pal "Greeny" worrying about capping off his career of whispering economic secrets in the ears of Presidents by obtaining the Best Business Book Award from 1800ceoread? Yes. Yes it is. Greeny wrote his memoir in the tub, in longhand. This means he's not only serious but also angry. I mean, he used an actual pen for God's sake. After all that time in the tub, he's like a California Raisin in a linen shirt that's been rolled up very very tightly.
So I beg of you, before Greeny can start some serious campaigning for his book on MySpace, let him know that he can have global capitalism if I can have the book award. And that we can not only share my last free pedicure, but I'll get him press-on smiley faces for his big toes.