I don't know about you, but I am someone who whiles away her down time by having a lot of imaginary conversations (read: arguments) with people ? in which I, naturally, am possessed of a rapier-sharp wit and unassailable intellect, and am also wearing something seriously fabulous that I don't actually own in real life. These conversations sometimes involve a person I actually know and with whom I am irritated (a boss, a relative, a man), but more often than not, they are with Matt Lauer.
Let me be clear: I have never met Matt Lauer. I doubt that I will ever meet Matt Lauer. I don't even DISLIKE Matt Lauer. In fact, I find him charming and cute. And yet, for whatever reason, my imaginary, bored-in-the-car, daydreaming-in-the-elevator arguments are always with Matt Lauer. While I am appearing on the Today show, obviously.
You'd think this could all be traced to some bizarre imagining stemming from nerves or even just musings about the PR Heather and I have been doing for our book ? you know, a sort of fevered, "What if we somehow ended up on the Today show?!"-type neurosis ? but I have actually been having imaginary arguments with Matt Lauer since well before the book even existed. It seems I am bizarrely fixated on him.
And the bad news is that I do not get the better of Matt Lauer in these imaginary scenarios. When I have a fictional argument with my landlord, I totally serve him. But when I have an imaginary set-to with Matt Lauer, I turn into Tom Cruise. I cannot best him. My subconscious gives Matt Lauer ALL THE BEST LINES. It's very unfair.
I take some small comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this. Heather tells me that her Imaginary and Involuntary Conversations With Morning Chat Show Personalities generally involve Joy Behar. I guess we should both just be grateful that Star Jones hasn't made an appearance yet.
? Jessica Morgan