Pet raccoon has eaten mice poison we set out years ago.
Action: Wagged finger at pet raccoon, told her not to die.
Result: Pet raccoon proved to me she wasn't going to die in the least. Pet raccoon stayed up all night playing with Legos in the kids' loft. I could hear her batting the pieces around on the floor.
What the kids said to her: Scout, you stop playing now and get to sleep!
How I woke up in the morning: With Scout making a trilling sound and licking my eyelids and curling her tongue into my ear. She moved on to "seeing" my face with her paws. Like a blind person would, she gently and thoroughly explored the dips and hollows of my features as if she were molding me out of clay.
Why I got out of bed: Scout, sitting on my face, started biting my nose for fun.
What I cooked for breakfast: Wheatena with butter and maple syrup.
What Scout ate for breakfast: Wheatena without butter and maple syrup at first because I thought it would be better for her, but then I added it to bowl later because Wheatena is really awful by itself and no one, least of all a creature who can see with her paws, should be subjected to it.
What fell down on the husband's head while he was standing under the stairs: Half torso of a small Lego man.
What the husband did: Turned and said to our son, Did you do that?
What our son said: Nothing, then he pointed up to the landing above the husband's head where Scout was perched over the side, her beady black eyes shining, and a Lego piece in her paw, ready to make another drop.