Answer to the Riddle Is Me A Memoir of Amnesia

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On October 17, 2002, David MacLean andldquo;woke upandrdquo; on a train platform in India with no idea who he was or why he was there. No money. No passport. No identity.

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Taken to a mental hospital by the police, MacLean then started to hallucinate so severely he had to be tied down. He could remember song lyrics, but not his family, his friends, or the woman he was told he loved. His illness, it turned out, was the result of the commonly prescribed antimalarial medication he had been taking. Upon his return to the United States, he struggled to piece together the fragments of his former life in a harrowing, absurd, and unforgettable journey back to himself.

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andldquo;[MacLean] is an exceedingly entertaining psychotic . . . [A] raw, honest and beautiful memoir.andrdquo;andmdash;New York Times

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andldquo;A deeply moving account of amnesia that explores the quandary of the self . . . MacLean has written a memoir that combines the evocative power of William Styronandrsquo;s Darkness Visible, the lyric subtlety of Michael Ondaatjeandrsquo;s Running in the Family and the narrative immediacy of a Hollywood action film. He reminds us how we are all always trying to find a version of ourselves that we can live with.andrdquo;andmdash;Los Angeles Times

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DAVID STUART MACLEAN is a PEN/American Awardandndash;winning writer. His work has appeared in the New York Times, Ploughshares, and on the radio program This American Life. He has a PhD from the University of Houston and is a cofounder of the Poison Pen Reading Series.

—Gillian Flynn, author of Gone Girl

"MacLean fearlessly explores his journey to the edge of madness and his subsequent return to sanity in an unsettling, sometimes riotous, memoir."

—Publishers Weekly

"The Answer to the Riddle Is Me is a harrowing account of a vanishing. What makes the book extraordinary is that the vanished person is the author himself. Beautifully written and exquisitely structured, it captures the adventure and torment of losing ones memory while investigating the ultimate significance of identity. What does it mean to be the person you are? How much can be stripped away before you are no longer you? This is a thrilling, fascinating book that resides in the mind as if you lived it yourself."

—Robert Boswell, author of Tumbledown, The Heyday of the Insensitive Bastards, and The Half-Known World

"What begins as a noirish recounting of a life-changing reaction to an antimalarial drug quickly turns into a meditation on the inexplicable web of relations and contingencies that constitute a self: a singular yet shared human life. Ones own relation to this self, this life—and how to experience that relation as bearable—becomes David Stuart MacLeans true subject. While his experience is unlucky indeed, the luck becomes ours as he takes us with him on his harrowing journey, which is rendered with exactitude, humor, and lyricism."

—Maggie Nelson

"David Maclean's highly engaging The Answer to the Riddle Is Me is a true tale of amnesia, but, more than that, it is a story of having identity violently ripped away in a huge neurological chunk. Then we witness the writer's faltering salvage, reconstruction, and growing up. MacLean goes deep into the shadowy, scary terrain of what "who" is— the existential and neurochemical as well as the psychological nature of the self. Thoughtful, terribly honest, often funny, and utterly un-self indulgent, this is a riveting work of narrative art."

—Tony Hoagland, author of Unincorporated Persons in the Late Honda Dynasty and What Narcissism Means to Me

"Everyone is about to know who the hell David Staurt Maclean is: a writer who can break your heart, terrify you, and make you laugh all on the same page. The Answer To The Riddle Is Me is a masterful exploration of the funhouse of identity."

—Mat Johnson, author of Pym

"A gripping medical mystery, a heartwarming personal journey, and a chilling indictment of the commonly prescribed drug that upended MacLean's lifeand#8212;but left his superb literary skills intact."

and#8212;Rebecca Skloot, New York Times bestselling author of The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

"A mesmerizing, unsettling memoir about the ever-echoing nature of identityand#8212;written in vivid, blooming detail."

and#8212;Gillian Flynn, New York Times bestselling author of Gone Girl

"MacLean fearlessly explores his journey to the edge of madness and his subsequent return to sanity in an unsettling, sometimes riotous, memoir."

and#8212;Publishers Weekly

"A deeply moving account of amnesia that explores the quandary of the self . . . MacLean has written a memoir that combines the evocative power of William Styron's and#8216;Darkness Visible,and#8217; the lyric subtlety of Michael Ondaatje's and#8216;Running in the Familyand#8217; and the narrative immediacy of a Hollywood action film. He reminds us how we are all always trying to find a version of ourselves that we can live with."

and#8212;Los Angeles Times

"incandescent...MacLeanand#8217;s account is raw and unsparing, and will surely take you out of your comfort zone and#8212; the reader is immersed in the writerand#8217;s oblivion and his vertiginous journey of recovery and#8212; but the reward for sticking with it is the privilege of reading MacLeanand#8217;s profound and finely nuanced meditation on memory and identity."

and#8212;The Seattle Times

"What does it mean to be the person you are? How much can be stripped away before you are no longer you? This is a fascinating book that resides in the mind as if you lived it yourself. "

and#8212;Robert Boswell, author of Tumbledown

"Thoughtful, terribly honest, often funny, and utterly un-self-indulgent, this is a riveting work of narrative art."

and#8212;Tony Hoagland, author of What Narcissism Means to Me

"A compelling personal account and a frightful caution to physicians and travelers who continue to place their faith in a very dangerous drug."

and#8212;Dr. Remington L. Nevin, MPH, Mefloquine expert

"Brilliant and painful and hilarious."

and#8212;Antonya Nelson, author Some Fun

"David Stuart MacLean is a writer who can break your heart, terrify you, and make you laugh all on the same page. The Answer to The Riddle is Me is a masterful exploration of the funhouse of identity."

and#8212;Mat Johnson, author of Pym

"While MacLean's experience is unlucky indeed, the luck becomes ours as he takes us with him on his harrowing journey, which is rendered with exactitude, humor, and lyricism."

and#8212;Maggie Nelson, author of The Art of Cruelty: A Reckoning

andldquo;If bad things are going to happen, we are lucky when they happen to someone with the wit, humanity and sweetness andmdash; to say nothing of an eye for detail and a gift for pacing andmdash; that MacLean brings to this wrenching tale . . . Readers who flip open the book will find MacLean, preserved between pages, goofy and serious, lost and found.andrdquo; andmdash; Chicago Tribune

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andldquo;A deeply moving account of amnesia that explores the quandary of the self . . . MacLean has written a memoir that combines the evocative power of William Styronandrsquo;s Darkness Visible, the lyric subtlety of Michael Ondaatjeandrsquo;s Running in the Family, and the narrative immediacy of a Hollywood action film. He reminds us how we are all always trying to find a version of ourselves that we can live with.andrdquo; andmdash; Los Angeles Times

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andldquo;[MacLean] writes eloquently about the bizarre and disturbing experience of having his sense of self erased and then reconstructed from scratch.andrdquo; andmdash; The New Yorker

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andldquo;As harrowing as this territory is, MacLean makes an affable, sure-footed guide . . . Thanks to his raw, honest, and beautiful memoir, readers will already have a clear idea what his experience was like. We can be grateful MacLean has remembered so much, and so well.andrdquo; andmdash; New York Times

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andldquo;[A] vivid reflection on the ten years following the Lariam-induced break with reality and the memory problems that persisted in its wake . . . One author, a writer by trade, tells his story because it is a good one: dramatic and unique. The other tells a story, no less arresting, because she has a point to make. Both succeed impressively.andrdquo; andmdash; New York Times Book Review

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andldquo;Written in terse, vivid prose spiked with blackouts and violent hallucinations reminiscent of a Ken Kesey classic, MacLeanandrsquo;s story of the yearlong quest to regain his life reads like fiction, and reminds us that while memories may be painful, truth is all too often elusive.andrdquo; andmdash; Mother Jones

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andldquo;Incandescent . . . MacLeanandrsquo;s account is raw and unsparing, and will surely take you out of your comfort zone andmdash; the reader is immersed in the writerandrsquo;s oblivion and his vertiginous journey of recovery andmdash; but the reward for sticking with it is the privilege of reading MacLeanandrsquo;s profound and finely nuanced meditation on memory and identity.andrdquo; andmdash; Seattle Times

and#160;

andldquo;MacLean fearlessly explores his journey to the edge of madness and his subsequent return to sanity in an unsettling, sometimes riotous, memoir.andrdquo; andmdash; Publishers Weekly

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andldquo;Mesmerizing.andrdquo; andmdash; Kirkus Reviews, starred review

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andldquo;Riveting, sad, and funny . . . Both a sharply written autobiography and an insightful meditation on how much our memories define our identities.andrdquo; andmdash; Booklist

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andldquo;A gripping medical mystery, a heartwarming personal journey, and a chilling indictment of the commonly prescribed drug that upended MacLeanandrsquo;s life andmdash; but left his superb literary skills intact.andrdquo; andmdash; Rebecca Skloot, author of The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

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andldquo;A mesmerizing, unsettling memoir about the ever-echoing nature of identity, written in vivid, blooming detail.andrdquo; andmdash; Gillian Flynn, author of Gone Girl

Taken to a mental hospital by the police, MacLean then started to hallucinate so severely he had to be tied down. Soon he could remember song lyrics and scenes from television shows, but not his family, his friends, or the woman he loved. All of these symptoms, it turned out, were the result of the commonly prescribed malarial medication he was taking. Upon his return to the States, he struggled to piece together the fragments of his former life in a harrowing, absurd, and unforgettable journey back to himself.

A deeply felt, closely researched, and intensely personal book, The Answer to the Riddle Is Me, drawn from MacLeans award-winning This American Life essay, confronts and celebrates the dark, mysterious depths of our psyches and the myriad ways we are all unknowable, especially to ourselves.

andldquo;Written in terse, vivid prose spiked with blackouts and violent hallucinations reminiscent of a Ken Kesey classic.andrdquo; andmdash; Mother Jones

On October 17, 2002, David MacLean andldquo;woke upandrdquo; on a train platform in India with no idea who he was or why he was there. No money. No passport. No identity.

Taken to a mental hospital by the police, MacLean then started to hallucinate so severely he had to be tied down. He could remember song lyrics, but not his family, his friends, or the woman he was told he loved. His illness, it turned out, was the result of the commonly prescribed antimalarial medication he had been taking. Upon his return to the United States, he struggled to piece together the fragments of his former life in a harrowing, absurd, and unforgettable journey back to himself.

A andldquo;deeply moving accountandrdquo; (Los Angeles Times), The Answer to the Riddle Is Me asks every reader to confront the essential questions of our age: what makes me who I am? And how much can be stripped away before I become someone else entirely?

and#8220;Brilliant and painful and hilarious.and#8221; and#8212;Antonya Nelson

On October 17, 2002, David MacLean and#8220;woke upand#8221; on a train platform in India with no idea who he was or why he was there. No money. No passport. No identity.

Taken to a mental hospital by the police, MacLean then started to hallucinate so severely he had to be tied down. Soon he could remember song lyrics, but not his family, his friends, or the woman he was told he loved. All of these symptoms, it turned out, were the result of the commonly prescribed malarial medication he had been taking. Upon his return to the States, he struggled to piece together the fragments of his former life in a harrowing, absurd, and unforgettable journey back to himself.

The Answer to the Riddle Is Me, drawn from David MacLeanand#8217;s award-winning This American Life essay, is a deeply felt, closely researched, and intensely personal book. It asks every reader to confront the essential questions of our age: In our geographically and chemically fluid world, what makes me who I am? And how much can be stripped away before I become someone else entirely?and#160;

DAVID STUART MACLEANandnbsp;is a Pen/American award-winning writer. His work has appeared in Ploughshares and on the radio program This American Life. He has a PhD from the University of Houston and is a co-founder of the Poison Pen Reading Series. He lives in Chicago with his wife.andnbsp;