Cash Out

“Cash Out is one of those novels that begs for more adjectives: relentless, madcap, polished, lean, vivid, warped, original, horrifying and hilarious in equal measure.”
—Marcus Sakey, author of The Two Deaths of Daniel Hayes and The Amateur

Imagine a story by Ben Mezrich (The Accidental Billionaires, 21) of staggering financial improprieties infused with Tim Dorseys (Hurricane Punch, Gator A-Go-Go) zany, over-the-top pure insanity, and you might have something somewhat resembling Cash Out, the rollicking debut novel  by Greg Bardsley. This is nonstop, mercilessly hilarious, no-holds-barred fiction for fans of  The Hangover and Office Space—an outrageous tall tale that follows one desperate, disgruntled Silicon Valley exec through a his surreal three-day scramble to cash out his stock options and leave behind his hated high-tech job before outrageous villains (and even crazier friends) completely destroy him. Do you like the wildly satirical work of Tom Perrotta, Sam Lipsyte, and Gary Shteyngart? Do the ingenious comic caper novels of Elmore Leonard leave you breathless and exhilarated?  Then get ready to Cash Out.

“Cash Out is one of those novels that begs for more adjectives: relentless, madcap, polished, lean, vivid, warped, original, horrifying and hilarious in equal measure. Its like the spawn of mad monkey sex between Charlie Huston and Duane Swierczynski. Which is a good thing.” Marcus Sakey, award-winning author of The Two Deaths of Daniel Hayes and The Amateurs

“Greg Bardsleys writing walks on the wild side, with street swagger and a switch-blade in the sock. His short stories are an internet sensation, theres style and theres substance and a great big dollop of skill. Utterly unique and head-and-shoulders above his peers.” Tony Black, author of Truth Lies Bleeding

“Greg Bardleys writing is so good its criminal. The guy has style. And a wicked imagination. And nobody has more fun with his characters than Mr. Bardsley does.” Al Riske, author of Precarious and Sabrina's Window [Luminis]

“Greg Bardsley. Remember his name. Mark my words, hes gonna be huge.” Jedidiah Ayres, Ransom Notes: The Barnes & Noble Mystery Blog

“Irreverent, surreal, utterly original. Bardsley is a genre unto himself.” Keith Rawson, editor of Crimefactory magazine

“Greg Bardsley is one of the funniest writers, period. Someone once asked me to describe Gregs writing and all I could come up with was its like being stuffed into a gag bag full of razor blades and getting tossed into the gibbons cage at the zoo.” Kieran Shea, author of "The Lifeguard Method" [Ellery Queen] and other stories

“Cash Out is a wonderful combination of the bizarre, hysterical, and gruesome. Bardsley is a rising star in the world of crime fiction.” Mark Richardson, author of "Tattoo Woman" and other stories

“A psychotic head-scratcher in the best possible way. Bardsleys story is wild, unpredictable, and totally original.” Los Angeles Book Review

“Wow and wow again. CASH OUT gets the 3-E merit: Excellent, enthrallingand with a wicked elegance. I loved it.” Ken Bruen, best-selling author of The Devil [Minotaur] and other books

“A cold heart is beating in [Greg Bardsleys] prose, one that suspects theres nothing much good to say about people. Still…you can say it with a sly wink that lets everyone know were all in on the same grim joke. Bardsley gives us the wink and delivers the black punchline.” Charlie Huston, best-selling author of The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death and The Shotgun Rule [Ballantine], as well as the Henry Thompson trilogy and the Joe Pitt casebooks

“Bardsleys work will be around a long time. He forces you to remember. … My prediction: As soon as the novels start rolling out, Bardsley will be as big as Palahniuk. But the critics will like him a lot more.” Anthony Neil Smith, author of Hogdoggin and Yellow Medicine [Bleak House]

“Bardsleys writing always makes me laugh and long for more. His characters are outrageous… yet beneath their antics and quirks are kernels of people we recognize from our everyday lives - or would, before Greg let them run wild. CASH OUT provides a delicious romp… I loved every minute of it.” Rachel Canon, author of The Anniversary [Random House] Rachel Canon, author of The Anniversary [Random House] Rachel Canon, author of The Anniversary [Random House] Rachel Canon, author of The Anniversary [Random House] Rachel Canon, autho

“A tense, satirical black comedy that will leave you with paper cuts from anticipating whats on the next page and an aching gut from the laughter.” Frank Bill, author of Crimes in Southern Indiana

“Succeeds grandly in making Silicon Valley a place of intrigue and dangerous head cases and hard cases.” < i=""> Booklist <>

“Takes readers on a journey that has been described as a cross between ‘The Hangover and ‘Office Space.” < i=""> New York Times <>

“A wild romp of a book.” Bookreporter.com

“Smart about Silicon Valley culture.” < i=""> Publishers Weekly <>

“Hilarious. . . A fast-moving page turner with zany plot twists that you wont want to put down.” < i=""> Portland Book Review <>

“The valley is so weird that it would be tough to come up with fiction that is more outrageous than the valleys reality. Bardsley … gets that, and hes artfully turned the weirdness to his advantage in his debut novel, Cash Out.” <> San Jose Mercury News <>

It's 2008. In three days, family man and Silicon Valley speechwriter Dan Jordan will see his start-up stock vest. He'll cash out with $1.1 million, turn in his frenetic Valley life in for a slower one on the beach with his wife and two children, and finally live the life he's supposed to live. Or so he thinks. Before he can collect his cash and get outta Dodge, all hell breaks loose. Dan is kidnapped by a gang of tiny IT nerds who threaten to get him fired before the options can vest, stalked by a potentially murderous corporate security muscle man, and confronted with the possible disintegration of his marriage, all while his sociopath neighbor, Crazy Larry, threatens to ruin everything. . . .

Side-splittingly funny and full of larger-than-life characters, Cash Out is like Office Space as reimagined by the creators of The Hangover—a sly caper gone outrageously, unforgettably awry.

Greg Bardsley has worked as a Silicon Valley speechwriter, a news-paper reporter, and a weekly columnist. His ghostwriting for high-profile business executives has appeared in Newsweek, USA Today, and the Financial Times. His short fiction has appeared in numerous journals and anthologies, including 3:AM magazine, Plots with Guns, Uncage Me, and Sex, Thugs, and Rock & Roll. He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.