Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections

An illuminating exploration of how to maintain a happy sex life in a long-term relationship, from the New York Times bestselling author of Come as You Are and co-author of Burnout.

In Come as You Are, Emily Nagoski, PhD, provided science-backed lessons that revolutionized the way we think about women's sexuality. Now, in Come Together, Nagoski takes on a fundamentally misunderstood subject: good sex.

Nagoski breaks down the myths many of us have been taught about sex — for instance, the belief that sexual satisfaction and desire are highest at the beginning of a relationship and that they will inevitably decline the longer that relationship lasts. Nagoski assures us that's not true.

So, what is true? Come Together isn't about how much we want sex, or how often we're having it; it's about whether we like the sex we're having. Nagoski breaks down the obstacles that impede us from enjoying sex — from stress and body image, to relationship difficulties and gendered beliefs about how sex "should" be — and presents the best ways to overcome them. You'll learn:
   • That "spontaneous desire" is not the kind of desire to strive for if you want to have great sex for decades.
   • Vocabulary for talking with partners about ways to get in "the mood" and how to not take it personally when "the mood" is nowhere to be found.
   • How to understand your own and your partners' "emotional floorplan," so that you have a blueprint for how to get to a sexy state of mind.

With her signature insight, humor, and empathy, Nagoski shows us what great sex can look like, how to create it in our own lives, and what to do when struggles arise.

"Every couple I see in therapy comes in with cultural myths and misperceptions about sex that get in the way of the connection they desire. Emily Nagoski gifts us with an illuminating, relatable, and often funny book that completely reframes how we think about sex in long-term relationships. Come Together is a game-changer and should be required reading for every couple who wants to reimagine what great sex can look like." Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of the "Dear Therapists" podcast

"Come Together is a revelation! It gives us the permission to redefine intimacy on our terms through engaging storytelling and science. It's time we replace shame and obligation with exploration and pleasure. A must read!" Eve Rodsky, New York Times bestselling author of Fair Play

"Come Together is wise and deeply comforting. Once again, Emily Nagoski is dismantling myths about sexuality and giving everyone permission to discover what is already true and love what they discover." Angela Chen, author of Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex

Emily Nagoski is the New York Times bestselling, award-winning author of Come as You Are and co-author, with her sister, Amelia, of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an MS in counseling and a PhD in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.